I have two different kinds of friends...those who understand, and those who don't.
Today, I can't help thinking about the ones that don't.
The ones that think that the last 17 months has just been a normal 17 months for me...just like them. They don't think one thing about me telling them that I haven't ovulated again, or that I'm going to get blood drawn for the upteenth time for some infertility reason. That I am again taking some medicine that will leave me with horrible, HORRIBLE side effects. Even increase my chances of getting cancer after prolonged usage. They just think that is normal, or OK even. They don't know that everymorning I can't wait to look at my temp to see if I have good news right around the corner. They don't know that sometimes we just don't FEEL like dtd, yet we force ourselves to so that we don't miss our opportunity.
When I tell them that my next step will most likely be injections...yes, shots...that either myself or my husband will have to give me. Doesn't that sound like fun? So much for the intimacy of conceiving our child.
One of these friends actually called me during the middle of my miscarraige(and I mean I was on the toilet in the MIDDLE of my miscarraige), and when she asked me 'what I was doing' and I told her exactly what I was doing she had the gull to tell me a story about her friend who lost her twin girls after 26 weeks of carrying them and that they had to have a funeral etc...and how I should be glad that I am miscarrying so early. Yes, she is also the one who constantly tells me to relax, and how in HER opinion more people would get pregnant if they just relaxed.
Yeah...thanks!
So, I guess it makes me wonder, are these people really my friends? Or are they people that I am keeping around for fear of not HAVING any friends anymore.
They are great friends when it has to do with their happy life, but as soon as I tell them that I am sad and need a friend, they are gone.
Prime example....3 weeks ago, I went out to dinner with my 4 closest girlfriends. I had a bad day, and an overwhelming doctors appt. EVERYONE could see something was going on, but noone asked. I guess they didn't want to ruin the happy moment.
As I was walking out to my car with one of my friends, I told her that I just needed a 'friend'. Someone that I could babble away to. Someone I could just open my heart to. She said she would love to be that friend, and that she would call me so we could get together and talk.
Do you know when I talked to her last....right before we each got into our cars.
I have some real soul searching to do.....