12 dpo's....
symptoms I am having...very tender bbs...acne...thats about it!
Will this month be THEE month, stay tuned!
I actually have been working my ass off today, and that has kept my mind off of things!
Seeing we leave for Florida in 4 days, I want a clean house...NO laundry etc, so I have some work to do. My office was a disaster, and SORTof still is. But, it is a million times better than what it was.
Logan has been my big helper today. Vaccuming is his favorite, but unfortunatly the vaccum is too heavy for him to hold high so the bottom is on the ground. Therefore, he is not picking up a thing! Its ok though, because it just makes me smile!
Its amazing how something can happen to bring a flood of memories back. As I was cleaning, I stumbled across the memory box that I have from my angel baby. I don't have much, but what I DO have is the onsie that I put Logan in and that I had written 'big brother to be!' on it. I have about 8 pages of congratulations posts from some of my friends online that were very sweet! I have all the pictures we took of Dave and Logan and me and Logan and Logan alone holding the pregnancy tests etc....picture of the little bouquet that I gave Dave to spill the beans. I put babys breath in a baby bottle with a small congratulations balloon and then tied 2 pregnancy tests to it, with a card. The smiles on our faces were so dear to me. I can remember that day like it was yesterday! The excitement I felt! And DAVE! You know, we have it all on video somewhere too. Daves total suprise! I remember he asked, "what does the two lines mean?" (just being silly...) and I just said, "congratulations daddy!" and he said..."nooooooo.....really?" and then I said, "Dave, someday that 2nd line is going to be watching this................."
yep! I'll never forget that in my whole life! And unfortunatly we did NOT keep good track of our little tapes (digital) and there is that 5-7 minute segment SOMEWHERE waiting for the right time to pop its little head out. You know, maybe when my parents or inlaws are here watching some of Logan's old footage...or when I am in a wonderful mood, and have to watch myself put my foot in my mouth.
The sad thing is, is when I am in the mood to actually see it, I bet I can't find it. I would like to put it in the box of memories some day though. Because even though the loss of this angel brought such sadness....in reality it brought MUCH joy too!
We have decided...if indeed I AM pregnant, NO waiting around this time! We are spilling the beans RIGHT away! Why? You might think I am crazy, and maybe I am. But, knowing how much joy that little bean gave me and my husband in the couple short weeks of pregnancy, she didn't get to give any joy to anyone else. When everyone else found out, she was already gone. So, it was just horrible sadness. THIS time, even if I DO lose another, I want to know that even though her stay was short, she brought such an incredible amount of happiness to those who would have loved her so.
Its crazy that I have to think that way, but NOTHING is certain to me anymore...especially pregnancy!
I think I might take a test tomorrow morning, but I am still undecided.
ahhhhhh....off to make some mac n cheese! REALLY great huh?