What kind of relationship do you have with your friends?

I'm talking the ones that you live by, or have physically known. Not computer friends no matter how close you may be.
There is something about computer friends that makes it easier to open up to. Share all, every last shred of information about any situation that you are going through.
Its easier, you can be more honest because you will not see that person in your daily life.
You have them when you need support, when you have support to give, or you just want a connection with someone going through the same things you are.
Its easy to find someone somewhere online who is going through the exact same thing you are at the exact same time.
Take for example my situations.
My loss. I only know of two people in real life who has gone through a loss. One is an aunt who we have no connection at all. I won't let this be the connection. We're much to far estranged to become close at all, and honestly, its too personal for me to let her in. The other person doesn't even know I know. She wanted no one to know, but her husband told mine, and there we sit. It killed me not being able to offer her any sort of support, but I respect her choice.
My high FSH. I know NO ONE, not a soul in my real life who had this problem. I don't think 99% of people, make that probably 100% of people who know what FSH even is!
Secondary infertility...again...I know ONE person in the neighborhood who is going to be starting IVF soon. I only know that because one other neighbor told me. I don't know her at all, and she seems like one of those women who wouldn't appreciate you going up to start a conversation. We just wouldn't be friends as far as I can see.
HELLP...again, I know one person. But she doesn't talk about it, didn't care to find out any information afterwards, and it wasn't much of a big deal to her, or so it seems.
Logan's Brain cyst...of course I know no one in my real life who's child has a brain cyst. Or anyone who would know what it is like to envision your child having possible surgery in of all places, his brain.
With all of these issues, I have found a multitude of support online. People who have been in the EXACT same situation.
Strangers who have turned into friends. People who could relate, and even if they COULDN'T relate offered a shoulder and an ear. People who have had other things happen to them that makes them empathetic to similar situations. As I have also done for other online friends.
Yet, I think about my REAL life friends. The ones that I can touch. The ones that really COULD give hugs who completely are not like the online friendships I have.
Yes, they might know something was going on when I couldn't get pregnant after my miscarriage. Some even knew about my loss, my infertility. Yet, it was one of those things that would get talked about a bit, and then the topic would turn to the weather or other unimportant tidbit of useless information.
The ones who saw my bloodshot eyes after an appointment who never mentioned it.
My past friend (who is no longer) who walked me to my car after a dinner with friends and I cried to her. I told her that I was at an all time low and I just needed someone to have a beer (or 6) with an let it all out. She absolutely agreed to meet with me that Friday to let it all out and then stood me up, never to call again.
Don't get me wrong, more the most part I love my real life friends. Even though they are not the deep down friends that you have when you are growing up. Most of them are neighborhood moms that migrated together because of children. We don't know the innermost thoughts and problems that each one has, we just meet, smile, push the kids on the swings, talk about mundane daily life and leave it at that. It sounds horrible, but really, its not. Its nice actually.
What I LONG for are the real life friends like the ones that I have met online.
The ones that I could call and say, 'bring child so-and-so over to play with Logan and lets gossip over coffee.' Or, 'I'm having such a hard day, please lets meet for lunch' Or someone that would say the same exact thing to me.
Someone I could dish all my life to, and also listen to them do the same.
Do you all have friends like that? I have a friend that I've had for 13 yrs that is ALMOST like that, but not quite. With work it could be, but I don't know if I want to go that far with that friendship.
I guess I long for that highschool feeling of having a best friend.
You remember, passing notes in class...sitting on the phone for hours at a time sorting out every last detail of the day. Problems, crushes, all of life's issues.
Of course I don't want to sit on the phone for hours and pass notes, but I want that deepness where I can tell them anything and they can tell ME anything.
Does that even exist for someone pushing 30?
Don't get me wrong, I love my real life friends. I love the relationship we share. I just wish I could build a DEEPER relationship with an actual person that I could have coffee with...anyone relate?