Not really a new idea, just one I wanted to write about...
We all remember Grrl's post about 'mommy drive bys'.
I had my own little drive by in my last post.
See, that's the thing that I wish I could change about motherhood.
Of course, many of us do!
It starts off so early!
One can argue so many points of motherhood!
How long one waited to get pregnant...
What one eats or drinks while pregnant...(Not alcohol, but coke for example)
Natural drug free labor vs. epidural
Breastfeeding vs. formula feeding
Pacifiers
Cosleeping vs. in the crib
Attached parenting vs. non attached parenting
CIO vs. No cry sleep solution
What age to begin cereal
To work out of the home or not
As you see, this is all in just a small portion of the life of the baby.
And also, as you see, NONE of this is a life or death matter!
By meeting/talking with a parent who chooses one way over the other it should make you more intune with other moms.
It will in no way impact the way YOU decide to raise your child if you find that your neighbor(coworker, blogging friend...etc..) chooses to feed her child formula and you chose breastfeeding.
If you find out your neighbor co-sleeps and you have your baby sleep in his own crib.
Yes, it may make you feel stronger about the choices YOU make for your child. You might even thing you're right!
Guess what? You ARE right, for you and your family. That is the wonderful thing about being a parent. You get to make choices that affect YOUR life, and the lives of those in your home. You get that responsibility, and hopefully you take it and learn from your choices.
Sometimes it was the right choice, and sometimes not. But it was your choice to make.
You see, having anon tell me, "don't you know that feeding solids before the age of 6mths leads to a higher chance of allergies and obesity? But, your a 2nd time mom, so Im sure you know that." did not make me choose a different way. (BTW anon...here is the recommended guidelines...The Academy of Pediatrics recommends that solid foods be introduced, generally no earlier than four months of age. If a child weighs at least thirteen pounds and has good head control, solid foods can be started as early as three months. )
Miles is about 19lbs on our home scale. Holds his head perfectly.
Why is it that mothers have to challenge each other with choices they have no right to make?
Why is it that you (in general) are so concerned with how another child sleeps, eats, is brought into this world?
What amount of what goes on in the daily life of your neighbor/friend/stranger impacts what goes on with YOUR world.
So, you choose formula feeding and your neighbor chooses breast. Is that a problem? Nope!
So, you choose to co sleep and your neighbor chooses crib. Does that impact your life in any way? Sure, you might feel that you're glad you made the choice you did to cosleep because you feel closer to your baby. I'll bet a million dollars that when your neighbor hears you say you cosleep she feels her decision to have baby sleep in a crib is a much better choice because she can sleep better or whatever reasons she has!
Why do we pick battles on something that will never change.
Why do YOU (in general) feel that your decisions are the right decisions for every family?
Why do YOU(in general) feel that you know each situation so well that you can tell that family that they chose the wrong decision?
What made women, MOTHERS, so angry with each other?
Sure, we all have a common bond, our children.
But when we get in the nitty-gritty of raising our children one is bound to have an issue with the other.
What I wish is that we all could see and agree that each family is different. Each CHILD is different. Each circumstance is different. LIFE is different.
Why can't we embrace all the choice we have and be glad we have them?
Why do we have to feel superior?
I want you parents reading this to know that I don't feel superior.
I chose medicated childbirth, that turned into unmedicated.
I chose breastfeeding that quickly turned into formula feeding.
I chose baby sleeping in his own room.
I did not chose to CIO, although some day I might!
I chose to stay at home with my children, however I don't think it is always the right choice for all families.
I CHOSE to begin feeding my child cereal 3 days before his 4th month.
I do not think my choices are best for you, but they are best for me.
I want to know what your choices are that you made. I will respect those choices. I will not think they are the wrong choices. I might stand more confident in my choices for me and my family, but I will not think you made the wrong choices.
posted by Jen at 8:56 AM
12 Comments:
I can't believe he's 4 months old already!
I started Thomas on cereal at 4 months too. I can't say if I'll do the same with my second baby until I get there.
Really, people are ridiculous. I think it comes down to the fact that someone has gotten them so frightened to make their own decisions (MY BABY WILL BE FAT AND HAVE ALLERGIES IF I DO THAT!) that they can't understand how anyone else could go against the same advice.
It's really kind of sad, how panicked our society is. And btw, I fed Thomas peanut butter at 1 year! Ha, take that know-it-alls! Since no one in my family EVER had a problem with peanut butter, I made a decision for myself. Shocking, isn't it?
Sorry you got a drive-by!
-Erin
10:00 AM
And do we forget that medical knowledge is ever changing? When I was a baby it was "put to sleep on tummy" to prevent choking and SIDS, now its back to sleep. The same could be true for the introduction of solids--what they think to be true now could be wrong later. That's why I say you should take your cues from your child and your maternal instinct (that's what its there for!). You know what Miles is ready for and you know what's right for you.
Good post! Thank you!
12:17 PM
And do we forget that medical knowledge is ever changing? When I was a baby it was "put to sleep on tummy" to prevent choking and SIDS, now its back to sleep. The same could be true for the introduction of solids--what they think to be true now could be wrong later. That's why I say you should take your cues from your child and your maternal instinct (that's what its there for!). You know what Miles is ready for and you know what's right for you.
Good post! Thank you!
12:17 PM
Don't tell, but we put cereal in the twins' bottle at about 4weeks. We are so naughty:). All my kids have eatne eggs before they were one along with many other things that were not right for some. I htink you nailed it on the head. It is what is RIGHT for YOUR child.
8:16 PM
ooh boy! Eggs, Peanut butter, cereal...bring on the authorities! How can we be such horrible moms! ;)
8:51 AM
First of all, I just read Anonymous's comment...jerkwad!!!!
Now that I've gotten that VERY mature sentiment off of my chest...I think that women in general need to spend more time building each other up rather than tearing one another apart. Like you said, to each their own. If one person chooses breastfeeding and another is adamant about formula they should support and respect each other's choices not make the other person feel guilty or try to talk them into changing their mind.
Everyone had their own set of circumstances and beliefs...that's what makes the world go 'round...I think there's a Sesame Street about that. Oh wait, ummmm, I mean I NEVER let my kid watch TV! (ha ha...how in the heck do you think I get food on the table without 30 minutes of quiet bliss brought to me by my friends at Baby Einstein?!!??!)
9:48 AM
You go girl!
11:00 AM
VERY well said!
You are EXACTLY right. Each parent makes decisions for their OWN reasons and thier OWN situations.
I don't understand why people feel the need to push their opinions or what they feel is right on to other people. You didn't even ask for an opinion!!
And of course, it was an anonymous person.
1:08 PM
I have to say I'm guilty of thinking my way is better than others. But you put it best- it IS better, for me and my family. And so-and-so's way is better for them. There's no "one way" of doing things that would be right for everyone.
1:45 PM
I agree whole-heartedly with everything you said! I have done things that are against what the Academy of Pediatrics is advising these days, and my son is fine. I fed him cereal at a month old, from a spoon, major no-no. He was over 10 pounds at that point and loved it. He is now 2 1/2 and has no allergies and is very thin. BTW, I also formula fed him. I keep getting comments now that I'm pregnant again, asking if I will be breast-feeding this time. When I say no, I have more confidence, but I am very miffed by this question especially since I am always asked why not? I joke that nothing I have done has been natural, IVF, c-section, etc., but it bothers me. Us mothers DO need to build each other up, not tear each other down.
8:44 PM
Let's see, I chose to breastfeed, not for all the reasons that everyone shoves in your face constantly(I had no idea until I was pregnant the fourth time) but because it felt right to me. We managed for 5 months, he weaned himself and is now bottle feeding. We tried cereal at 3.5 months old because he never seemed satisfied, and he was okay with it, but it was more of a struggle, and I decided that meant he wasn't ready. In fact, he ended up not really being ready until about a month ago, where we started baby food rather than cereal because he likes it better. I don't do one at a time, I just pick a jar and see if he likes it. I've given him yogurt(he loves it) pudding, and all sorts of awful things that are going to make him fat, and anyone that has bothered to hop over to my blog can see that he is most definitely not fat, pretty darn thin if you ask me, and he eats constantly. I chose to have him sleep alone, but he chose to co-sleep the first 3 months then switched. It's been a lot of give and take(mostly him taking) to decided what's right for HIM, not me, or anyone else, just Him. Because it's the child that's important, not the judgemental people who don't like what you're doing because noone wrote a book about it(did I mention I despise parenting books? Like children will really follow what a book says, HA) So go you, and anyway, looks to me like he's more than ready for food, any food, he's a cute round little baby(as babies should be, but mine isn't because he won't get fat like I want him to) and if it's going well, then he's ready. (:
10:17 PM
Oh and did I mention that I started on real table food at around 6 months old because I wouldn't eat anything else, and didn't want much to do with that nasty formula mess either, so was switched to whole milk at that point as well, and guess what? I'm not "obese" though a little chubby, and I have no allergies. So what does that tell you?? I don't know how these scientist and study people can say all this mess when we all started food way early and almost all of us were drinking whole milk well before our first birthdays(some as young as a few weeks), and most of us are just fine.
10:20 PM
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