blubbering fool

My friend of 15+ years called me today to tell me she lost her baby.
She was almost 13 weeks.
I was so sad for her.
I tried to say all the things I wish someone had said to me.
I'm sure I said the wrong things.
I think I tried too hard.

She asked how long I remembered my loss.

I told her I still do.

I told her I remember the nurse who told me my beta's were falling.
I remember the conversation I had on the telephone with the doctor.
I remember laying in bed all day with emotions that switched from sadness to 'mad at the world'.
I told her that while I have 2 children, I'll never forget there was another pregnancy, another life in there.

She asked if she should feel like someone died.

I told her that I couldn't answer that question for her.
I told her I felt as though someone died when I had my loss.
All she kept saying was, 'but we saw him kicking on the screen just a couple weeks ago...we heard the heartbeat...we heard the heartbeat."

She sobbed, I cried.

I cried for her loss. I thought of my loss.

I'll never ever forget that right now I'd have a baby who would be over 2 yrs old.

The ironic thing is, we'll both be in surgery probably at the same time on the same day in the same building for the same procedure.
Her's to remove her baby-mine to remove possible placenta.

I hope I see her.
I hope I can hug her.
I wish this never happened.