Everything was going along smoothly....

And then I realized today that I have one week left with Logan before I send him off to be raised by a pack of wolves.
Basically, right?
One week.

Then came the doubt.
Did I give him everything he needed or wanted from me in the past almost 6 years?
What about the last year?
What about the change that took place since Miles was born.
He was not the only one, and yes, I realize that that was for his benefit, but yet, I doubt myself.

I think, what about the time I didn't have the TIME for him. What about the time when I probably raised my voice because of something stupid.
What about the time when I should have realized that he needed me to hug him instead of scold him.
Sure, I realize there were a million times that I did the right thing, but then, I"m not perfect.

So I sit here, one week left wondering if he'll miss me as much as I'll miss him.
Probably not, at least I hope not.
I asked him what on earth Miles and I were going to do while he was off having fun at school and he said we'd do the same things we always do.
He's right.
Except while he's off having fun, we'll be home missing him.
A lot.
Tons.

My baby is growing up and he's going to take the bus. The freaking BUS!
I want to take him, and yet, I won't.
He doesn't want me to.
He wants to ride the bus.
School is less than 1 mile away, and he said I could drive there behind the bus. He must have saw that in a show or something.
I'll do it of course, as he'll be watching for me as he gets off the bus. I'll be there, but I'll have to leave.
I don't really feel ready yet to leave.

I think back to my early years with him. He's truly my buddy. The love I have for him is so intense. His pain is my pain and his tears are usually the ones I'm holding back.
When people are mean to him, I won't be there to protect him like I want to be.
I have to let him grow up and learn to be a boy.

I've known this day would come obviously, but the fact that it's here is so profound.
Ask anyone I know in real life, when the kindergarten talk comes up I always say, 'we're ready!!'.
OK, so maybe I wasn't as ready as I thought I was.

One week to breath him in. To hold him a little longer on the rare times he lets me hug him. To look deep in his innocent eyes. To hear that little boy giggle a few more times.