akward morning

I joined a new playgroup. Today was the first day. It meets every monday at different parks around Madison etc.
I'm pretty excited about it, and really hope to meet some moms with similar interests as I do.
As much as I LOVE being a stay at home mom and wouldn't trade it for the world, I also feel as I have completely lost the person I once was. Not on purpose, but because with my husband working so many hours, its nearly impossible to do things alone or without a toddler in tow. I'm really dying to start bring back some of the passions I once had and then also finding some new ones.
This morning was a rainy morning early, but it stopped. There is an alternate place that we will meet in the winter months, and rainy cold months. It appears that half the group went to the park, and the other half went to the inside play area.
We went to the inside area.
There were only 5 moms total, but there were 5 children from the ages of 2 1/2-4 plus a baby and an older child. Logan had a great time, and I'm hoping this will give him a chance to learn about sharing and other childrens feelings!
So, as the moms were all sitting on the little chairs talking and watching the kids play, the subject turned to my pregnancy. I'm not really one to talk about my pregnancy, especially to strangers, however, it wouldn't drop.
Two of the women went ON and ON about how great I planned the age spacing between these children. How lucky I was to have waited as long as I did for number 2 as Logan will be just the perfect age for a sibling.
One of the moms also said I was so lucky, as she was one of the UNLUCKY ones who experienced a surprise pregnancy when her daughter just turned one. Life was way too difficult with 2 that close in age.
Well, of course it made me think of my angel. The one we tried to conceive when Logan was a mere 9 months old. We knew it would be difficult, but we didn't care!
As we now know we're having a boy, it really makes me wonder what sex that child was. Would it have been another boy, or was it my daughter I'll never have? I always thought it was a girl, but...then again...I thought THIS baby was a girl too, and I was TOTALLY wrong about that! That baby would have been about 15 months old right now. We would have celebrated a birthday already.
I usually try not to think that way, and I know the women were only talking because they obviously have never experienced infertility. And from the sounds of it, never a loss either. Its not their fault they don't get it.
I guess, one thing positive that infertility did for me was made me realize that the world runs different courses for everyone. Right or wrong, its just the way life is. The course of life these women had were great fertility. But that doesn't mean that they haven't had financial struggles, health struggles, family struggles or anything else like that. They most likely have! I'll probably put my foot in my mouth someday regarding some struggle they have encountered because I just don't understand.
It opened my eyes a bit.
What did I say when these women were going on and on?
Well, I just nodded and said, 'its funny how things turn out' and left it at that.
I'm going to continue this playgroup and hopefully it will turn out the way I'm hoping.
Good friends for me and Logan and a place to go where we both look forward to going every week.
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On a different note, I'm 22 weeks now (I turned on Saturday)
Logan got to feel a kick on the outside of my belly on Sunday. It was great! He was excited and I think it made it even more real to him!
He is going to be a great big brother! :)