There's no denying it...

This is DEFINETLY baby I feel rolling around in there.
I smile in awe every time I feel it. You'd think I'd remember what I felt when Logan first started moving, but in all honestly, I didn't exactly remember what it felt like! Its such an amazing feeling!
Its like I've entered a new stage of this pregnancy. One filled with hope!
The thing about pregnancy, especially pregnancy after loss and or infertility, is that until you KNOW you're feeling movement, you have NO idea that everything is OK.
I am 19 weeks 1 day pregnant today. That is almost half way to my due date. For the whole first half of this pregnancy, every single day I would think that this pregnancy wouldn't hold and that everything would come crashing down. I hate to say that because it sounds so negative. It sounds as though I didn't let myself enjoy this pregnancy like I did with Logan. Or that maybe I am not greatful enough for every day that I have been pregnant.
That couldn't be farther from the truth. In reality. I've been and felt blessed every single day! When my belly started swelling, I couldn't have been happier! Now that I am already huge (remember, measuring BIG even for dates) I couldn't be happier when I see someone looking at my tummy in public. I went to a movie with Dave last night, and I just sat holding Daves hand over my tummy. While he couldn't feel the movements that I felt yet, I know any day he'll be able to.
I know exactly how blessed I am.
The thing IS though, I think that now that I'm feeling movement that I will begin to see things in a different light! Don't get me wrong, I KNOW that I still have a chance of many bad things happening, but I can't dwell on that anymore.
I FEEL this baby moving! How can I ignore that? I sit down, and feel a little kick or roll, and instantly my day has changed! Thoughts start creeping in my head about what life will be like in 4 1/2 months.
Right now, I can honestly say that...ahem...am I really going to type this....I AM GOING TO HAVE A BABY!
And, God forbid something happens, I'm so glad that I'm finally at this point right now where I really CAN see that good things will come of this! This pregnancy was SO long coming! We tried for what seemed like forever, and dammit! I'm FINALLY accepting it!
No longer will I think or say to my husband, 'do you feel like everything will work out for this one? because I don't feel that yet'
I feel like a different person. A happier, more positive person.
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That said...I'm thinking its time to rename my blog. You see, when I started this blog, I was suffering from secondary infertility. I will always struggle with secondary infertility, and it will always be a part of me.
However, I'm trying to see the bright light put in front of me. What do you think? Is it time? What I would really hate is for people to see the link to my blog from other's blogs, and that person be suffering with secondary infertility only to show up and see I'm half way through this pregnancy.
However, letting go of the name is kindof a hard thing too! Its what was created by me, only to change?
I REALLY need your imput here! If you are reading this, give me your thoughts please. Along with your thoughts, if you have any cool ideas on a new name that would go good with my blog, fire away! If I choose you, you will get cake! hee hee! I promise! ;o)