I uh, have a degree in...um...
This is the way it goes with me.
I meet some moms in a setting (yesterday it was a neighbor girls birthday party) and we are getting along great!
Talk goes from kids to neighborhoods to previous states one has lived in. On to sleeping, potty training, and picky eating habits.
I think to myself, 'hm...see! I just need to get myself out here and start doing this! I could make some new friends!'
Then, the dreaded conversation begins.
"So," says one nice mother to another, "What is/was your career before you started staying home?"
"I have a PhD in 'such and such'. I plan on going back to work soon as my youngest will be starting kinder soon!"
"Oh! That's wonderful! I'm in Real Estate and really can't wait to get back in it! It is such a great time right now to be in real estate and part of me feels like jumping in part time so I don't forget all of my knowledge!"
And what about you Jen?
And that, my friends is when it all goes down hill.
I shrink down, mumble a bit and turn all awkward.
Yes, I have no associates, no Bachelor degree, surely not a Masters or a PhD.
I have a license. I cosmetology license.
I don't know why I feel so funny about admitting that.
I worked damn hard to get that!
School was one year, BUT it was 45 ish hours a WEEK! JUST like a full time job! Mon-Fri from 7:45am-5:00pm and Saturdays 8:00am-12:00pm. THEN, I also worked a part time job in the evenings.
It was a really hard year!
I had to pass a state written and practical exam. It wasn't a cake walk, but it was definitely easy after a year of school. My best friend in school didn't pass the written and had to take it again before she could practice.
Anyway, I see the mothers, me included, and I think for the most part we are all on the same level. Then, the whole career, degree thing comes up and that shoots that!
I don't know why I feel that way, and I'm sure it's just me being totally insecure.
I think I'll always regret not having a 'career'.
No degree.
Nothing to add, because I guess in MY opinion, someone who went to school to get a Masters in something surely would think that my small little Cosmetology license is pretty small in comparison.
In FACT, I think what might have led me to start feeling this way was the day I bought my first NEW car. New cosmetology license, new 'career' and a brand new car. The sales person asked if I have recently graduated because they offered a discount for a recent degree. When I said I did, a cosmetology 'degree' he laughed and said he didn't think that would count.
I don't know how those who DO have degrees feel about others without degrees. I'm sure they think they are smarter in many ways.
If my business takes off, what will they say? "Oh, Jen who started her business is so lucky! She didn't even have a degree!"
Do I sound as though I TOTALLY lack self confidence?
I don't! Only when it comes to having a degree!
How silly is that?
posted by Jen at 8:24 AM
8 Comments:
Just passing through lurking, but I think a lot of people have that particular insecurity. If it helps, as someone who's got an advanced degree, I can tell you more school doesn't make you smarter, really, it just gives you another credential, and it doesn't necessarily make you more employable or give you eternal career happiness. One of my best friends is a former hairdresser. She specialized in color. Anyway, she stays at home with her kid now, but does some color work from time to time for mommies she knows, and trims our babies' hair. If she wants to go back to work later, she's always got job options; in some ways more than I do as a new lawyer. And I know I'm not the only one who admires her talent for hair....never in a million years could I do that. So be proud! Brag about it. I could never ever make it through cosmetology school.
9:27 AM
Jen
Until a few years ago whenever I would talk to my friends from highschool I felt so small and insignificant and unable to keep up with their conversations. Not because they went to college and I didn't, but the opposite. They were married. They had children. I had an empty house and the dogs and cats. I had nothing to add when they'd talk and my eyes would glaze over and I would feel so left out.
Now that I'm a mother I feel left out because they are helping people with homework and I don't really feel like I'm a MOTHER yet...
There will always be something that makes us feel set apart from everyone else. Whether its education, homeownership, children, weight, whatever. Each and every one of those people, I assure you, deep inside wants something that you have--and personally I think its fascinating how a cosmotologist can take a head of hair and make it do a certain style--its an art form. It really is.
I come from the world of Academia, but I would never assume that that meant I was smarter or better than someone else. Its just the path I took. If other people assume that they are extraordinarily naiive.
I'm rambling, but, please don't allow yourself to feel that way.
And, uhm, get milobaby up and running and make a million dollars!
11:09 AM
I totally relate. I have the same insecurity. I had to get over (a little, anyway) since I married a doctor and many of our friends are doctors. But, what anonymous said is true--a degree doesn't necessarily mean that you are smart! I tease my dh all the time that he may have studied and be very book smart, but his practical knowledge--common sense is totally lacking! And we have friends that are very challenged by anything that isn't medicine!
So, I'm over it, most of the time, but occasionally, it still really bothers me.
2:43 PM
I totally sympathize! I feel that first off when I'm in TRW, I cant relate at all to other mothers. Because I do still work, but have no degree, or set career. It causes my insecurities to flare too.
3:31 PM
I agree, a degree does not necessarily make you smart! I've seen some evidence of that!
And I'd love to have a cosmetology license!!....I didn't know that about you ;)
6:06 PM
Ummm I have a degree and I could care less about it! LMAO
I can't even use it!!! How's that for wasting your money. I went to a Private Catholic College and got a degree in Religious Studies...see I was going to teach High School Religion, or be a DRE in a Catholic Parish..I had it all planned out!!! BUT.....I became a Mormon!!! Ha ha!! There goes the degree.... :)
Oh well, such is life. :) I say that each time I pay my student loans each month.!!!!
I'd love to have a cosmetology license!! WTG Jen!
11:08 PM
I'm about a semester away from finishing my BA, it has always been a personal goal of mine to finish this degree, at least.
But I must tell you, particularly in this day and age, it takes no special talent to get a Master's, or your Bachelor's. It takes time, money, and commitment, things I did not have when I was younger, and things that go elsewhere now that I am a mother.
Don't let anyone with a degree make you feel like you are less for not having one. What you decide to do with your life is your business.
9:19 AM
Jen, you should be proud of yourself.
I have 2 yrs of community college under my belt, thats it. I hated every moment of it it too. I was 5 months pg with my first when i decided that it was more important to be mommy then continue on to get a degree that i wouldn't use for many yrs.
Hod your head high!
1:38 PM
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