Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde
First let's just say turning 5 rocks.
I'm so proud of my big boy! I mean, he really is just a plain old BOY now!
Just less than a year and he'll be headed off to school for the rest of his childhood! How strange that will be.
We had 2 parties, one kid party and one family party.
If anyone is in the market for a really easy, yet fun party idea, let me say that bowling is IT!
It was reasonable in price, (only $8 per kid. Included pizza, pop, shoes, 1 game and a goodie bag for each kid!)
It was short, but long enough.
They cooked FOR me.
It couldn't have been better.
Logan scored TWO Spongebob cakes! (made by me...no picking on my decorating job)
Now, tomorrow is the big 5 year shot and checkup day. I'll be sure to give a full update. I'm hoping that they have enough strength to hold him down because it will be tough. I'm nauseaus just thinking about it. Lord give us strength!
Now, regarding the title of the post.
My baby boy. (I can still call him that, right? He's not yet 2! :))
Miles is and always has been high needs....for me.
You all know this already I know, but let me spell it out for you again.
MILES is the CRABBIEST baby I've EVER met in my life.
The thing is, is he's not ALWAYS crabby.
He's basically fine at other peoples homes, (grandparents etc....) and he's sort of fine when I'm not home, BUT for ME he's a MAJOR crab always.
He cries SOOOO much. He crabs, he whines and he's obviously defiant. I ask him to do something and he looks me in the eyes and does something else. I tell him not to do something and he looks me in the eyes and does it anyway. We're not talking just regular toddler behavior, we're talking CONSTANTLY.
He hits me, he pulls my hair, he scratches me, he throws things at me, purposely spills his milk if he knows I'm not moving fast enough to clear his dishes....
As you can imagine, my self esteem on being that 'great mom' is fading away. Sometimes I think I suck more than I am good. Sometimes I think to myself that Miles just can't stand me, regardless of the fact that I carry him around on my hip and try to make him happy as much as I can.
See, WHY is he not this unhappy around others? THAT is what makes me feel awful.
Today was the day that almost brought me to tears.
I was the snack helper today for Logan's preschool (it means I bring snack and spend the entire day at school)
I had to drop Miles off with my good friend who has a daughter 7 months older than Miles. I was SO worried. He woke up at 6:00 today, and I thought about how much grief he was giving her. I thought it was going to be awful. I rushed though my cleaning duties and couldn't get back fast enough.
"Out of all the neighbor kids that I watch, Miles is BY FAR the most mellow laid back EASY one there is"
THAT is what she said?!?!?! (She's watched him before)
So, of course, what do I think? What CAN I think?
I know he loves me, obviously. There is no replacement for mommy when he needs some love. But why isn't he HAPPY for me? What am I not giving him that he needs.
I then think possibly I'm doing a disservice to him by staying home with him. Perhaps he needs more than I can give him?
Do you think he'd strive in daycare?
seriously.
Do you?
Help me help him.
posted by Jen at 2:50 PM
6 Comments:
Well, as you know I know nothing about kids My friend at work has the exact same problem, with a boy just his age. Misbehaves with her but good with everyone else.
I do watch a lot of Supernanny. She amazes me. And let me tell you she has dealt with tons of kids that sound just like Miles. I would check out the show on Monday nights and she even has a book out now.
The main thing I learned from kids that behave that way is you just DO NOT tolerate it from the start. They want to be disciplined and are always better when she gives parents the tools to do this. She does time out, 1 minute for each year of age, and you have to get down to their level, tell them that their behavior is NOT acceptable, and make them sit in their 'naughty spot'. After the alloted time she goes over to them, bends down, and makes them apologize. Now I know Miles is little, and that he still has communication issues, so I don't know what she'd do in his case. But her show is great if you have never watched it.
Wish me luck as I venture into my own fun world of baby rearing next year!
7:18 PM
Oh, my last year was like this. My oldest just had turned three, and I felt so bad because I started to not even like my own kid. I loved him, sure, but I was having a hard time liking him. He was the worst when I had to give my younger child some attention. He still doesn't like when I stop paying attention to him, but it is better.
I'll tell you what I did, knowing that it may or may not work for anyone else. I got a chart that had pictures of "jobs" that he could do. For example, water the plant, wipe his hands, something simple. If he did that he got a check. We did this together before bed. He LOVED seeing those checks. If he had a good week, I was REALLY easy about this in the beginning, I had a treat for that Saturday when daddy was home, so it could just be him and I. Some 'treats' were: playing playdough together, going to the library, frosting cookies..... In a short period of time, things got better. Not perfect, but better. It seems my monster really wanted some mama-S. time, and wanted to hear me compliment him on things that he could do himself.
The other thing I did was to get tougher on him in the old discipline department. I knew there were times I shouldn't have let him get away with something, but I was tired, or didn't want to have a fight on my hands, you know how it is. But it seemed like the more I let him get away with, the worse he got. It was almost seeming like a challenge to him. To see how bad he could act before mom had enough and then yelled. I went back to strictly enforcing time-outs. He sits on the step for 4 minutes now. I used to put him in the playpen because he couldn't get out of that. Anyway, I always told him, calmly, what he did wrong as I put him there. Then afterwards we hug while he says he's sorry. In the beginning I felt like he lived in time-out, but it got better. There is also one behavior that gets him put in his room, which he hates. If he hurts his brother, there is no talking about it, I just pick him up and off we go. You can choose the behavior that you most want to eliminate like hitting you.
We still have our days, believe me, but it is much better than it used ot be. Oh, I also hired someone to come a few hours 3/days a week. Much cheaper than daycare, and it saves all of our sanity! You know, we all need time away from each other:)
I'm aware that you may already be doing these things, so I hope you don't think I'm being preachy on you. I hope that things get better for you; I have been there and we both survived!
9:34 PM
Two things
1) When I was trained in behavior modification, I was taught this VERY important rule:
If you don't want to see a behavior happen again, don't let it happen the first time. Set a boundary.
2) Many times children release their stress hormones through tantrums, etc... at home because home is safe. It is not that he is necessarily misbehaving, but just searching for the positive way to express his feelings in the safest place he knows.
Not much time to comment now, but if you want more specifics send me an email :-)
10:50 PM
I don't think you need to put him in daycare so he never experiences another crabby moment. :) Let's get some perspective here - the playroom at the PAC. He cried there, right? And I think kids can also be more reserved in unfamiliar surroundings because they're getting the lay of the land. Once comfortable, they start letting it all hang out.
You know, you can drop him off here and I'll tell you how HORRIBLE AND CRABBY he was while you were gone. :)
1:53 PM
I dont think Daycare is your answer. I have a feeling that you are who he is most comfortable with and in turn feels comfortable enough to be bold. You are a good mama hang in there!
2:25 PM
Great job on the cakes! They turned out WAY better than the spongebob cake I made last year.
5:54 PM
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