Dear God,
I just need to understand some things you are doing on your end, if you could try to humor me and get back to me as soon as possible, that would be great!
My heart is falling into a million pieces.

I not only lost a baby, I lost my innocent views on life in general.
I lost total respect for body...and my myself.
I think I lost a little bit from my husband. You know, I think he wonders where that strong woman he met went.
I lost just about every single friend in my life, my real personal life.
I lost control of my emotions and feelings.
I'll say it again...I lost respect for myself.
I am not a good friend. I can't just be happy for others w/o feeling down for myself.
I've actually sat and cried in front of my 2 yr old son.
MANY times!
You let my son have a cyst the size of a golf ball in his little brain.
I just don't understand!

So, God...I guess my feelings are that enough is enough!
What did I do that was SO bad that my little world has to crash down on me.
I'm alone.
And you know what, I don't even like myself when I'm alone!
Why are you making life SO tough on me right now?
I know I know....there are MANY people who have it worse than me! I KNOW that!
So God...let up on them too, would ya!

How can I be a good mother to Logan when I can't seem to pick myself out of the gutter!
Why did you throw me into the gutter?
Why can people have baby upon baby and you won't let me have just ONE more!
I don't think it is too much to ask for?

Why cant people SEE the pain that I am in. I'm NOT OK! I'm SAD! ANGRY! DEVISTATED!
I've HAD ENOUGH GOD!!
My mom says you have a plan for me.
Well! I'm all ears!!
WHAT is this royal plan you have set aside for me?
I'd REALLY like to know!
You are leaving me sifting through my soul for answers, and guess what? I don't have any?
How can you entrust SO many life changing decisions on little old me?
You want my opinion???? I want to get pregnant!!!
So...what is it you need me to do to get there?

I just don't understand God.
I'm eagerly awaiting your reply...