So I failed the clomid challenge test.
I'm trying to remain positive, but I think I need a few days to be sad about this first.
All this time I have been thinking...well, this SUCKS yes, but I WILL get pregnant again!
Now, I just don't know if I ever will!
And it breaks my heart to have been pregnant twice and only have one baby! And to think that I might not get that chance again is just way to difficult to swallow.
I'm eating away my sorrow in brownie today, but at least it is no pudge fudge...I wouldn't be suprised if the little pan is gone by the time dave gets home from work!
I want a baby of my own flesh and blood. I want people to sit and wonder, "does this baby look like mommy or daddy?" I want to do as I do so often with Logan and just see Dave in his eyes or nose or mouth. I love it when people jokingly say, "well, you can't tell he's Daves little boy, can you?"
Gosh, that might sound horrible, because I believe adoption is just the greatest thing in the world, but what about these feelings I'm having?
so, now we have to decide...spend the money we dont have on fertility treatments....spend the money we don't have on adoption.....or DON"T spend any of the money and continue to be a single child family and hope it is a wise decision for everyone.
I can't make that decision... :(