****WARNING****I'm in a grouchy mood as Im writing this, so be ready for a VENT! If you are my friend reading this, don't take anything personal, as this is where I write my feelings out, and I know that I might sound horrible in this blog, so if you don't want to hear it, please don't read it.


FHS levels are in.....10....still elevated, so the first test wasn't a fluke.
Took my first dose of Clomid today. My 7th round.....pathetic! thats what I am!!
My friend just found out she is pregnant off her FIRST round, and I just started my 7th!
Its like, how long can I just walk around with a smile on my face? Lord knows I am sick of the comments like, "but you are seeing a new doctor!!" "but you are having your HSG, so you'll learn something there!" "look at so-and-so who got pregnant the month after HER HSG!" "YOU are next" (really!! Because I think people have been telling me that for over a year now...I'm next...right), OH here is a good one...my mom said to me, "what did YOU do wrong?" Yep! thanks! You see, my mom TOTALLY didn't mean it in a bad way, but she just has this problem where she doesn't THINK before she talks! She also said, "if you get pregnant again, you will have to be careful....REALLY careful so you don't lose it again" I very quickly and sternly told her that I did NOTHING wrong, and the fact that I miscarried was going to happen no matter how careful I was, and that I didn't appreciate the thought that I am to take any blame for it....and then I felt bad for making her feel bad!
So, yep, it basically seems that I am sick of people! Dave has this problem, and I always laugh at him! He hates people driving in cars because they drive wrong, he hates people walking because they go to slow and get in his way, he hates people on the news because they don't know what they are talking about. I always give him a hard time, but you know what? I think I FINALLY understand! I HATE people who think they have the magic answer for me. I hate people who think that by remaining positive they are doing me a favor....but you know what? I don't WANT people to sit and be positive! I want someone to sit and CRY with me! I want someone to say..."Jen...that SUCKS big time! I'm SO sorry! I know this is devistating, and I am here to do whatever I can to help" I don't want people to say, "well, at least it isn't THIS bad...etc..." because you know what?? IT IS BAD!! To ME and my husband it is! It is HORRIBLE! I don't need a pep talk, I need support!!! I DON"T need anymore of the tiptoes and pep rallies! I need REAL friends to stand up and hold my hand!
I don't want to hear the "be brave" Fuck that! I AM brave! But there is always a point where you feel like you have just been drug down a gravel road and you just need to be set free!
I don't want to hear, "just think, as soon as you stop trying you'll get pregnant!" as if thats my magic answer....oh yes! I'll STOP trying to conceive! Oh yes, I'll start the adoption process, and THAT will trick my little ovaries into producing some strong egg to be released! Why didn't I think of that!