Is it OK if I don't feel anything?
Tomorrow Dave has his vasectomy consult.
I was going to go with him, but the 3 family members who could watch both kids are out of town. Too much hassle to just go to the consult.
Is it strange I'm not sad?
His actual 'V' is I think 2 weeks from now.
To be honest, the constant reminder that we shouldn't chance having another child from the multitude of doctors made me sad after Miles' delivery.
I wanted to rebel a bit!
When we thought I COULD be pregnant a couple months ago, I was actually excited! Not so much because I wanted 3 kids, but because I was told I SHOULDN'T try again!
isn't that silly?
(oh, I just had 2 FULL glasses of wine...I've never hit the backspace so many times, so please excuse the points that don't make sense or are spelled wrong! hee hee)
So now that my baby is almost 1/2 of a year old all I see is future!
I told myself I would never rush this child's babyhood.
I wanted him to stay a baby as long as possible!
I didn't want him in jeans at 6 weeks old or even 12 weeks old!
He was my BABY.
Weeeellllll! Then came the DIFFICULT baby stage! BOY was he difficult! (still is many days!!) and NOW I'm saying, 'let the BIG BOY stage begin!'
I'll break out those big boy jeans if they help!
There is a big part of me that wants a baby girl. Rephrase...girl!
I love Miles with every ounce of my being...HOWEVER...HONESTLY after what he has shown me the last almost 6 months I can not EVER go back to infant times.
I see all these people having happy babies. Not me. Miles was not/IS not a very happy child. I cannot go through that again! Period.
I've told Dave that I might want to adopt in the future.
I might!
A girl.
I know that a lot of women feel sad when the 'big V' conversation begins.
I don't feel sad!
It isn't, 'should I have another child', it's 'should I chance that I might not make it through labor/delivery/pregnancy or my BABY might not make it'
I think that makes it easier.
I am DONE having children.
I am done being pregnant.
I'm a bit sad about that. I see the stupid formula commercials (yes I am a FF mom...formula is not stupid) and I see the big glowing belly and I miss it. I miss it.
Do you want to know something funny?
I wanted to be an egg donor.
Do you want to hear something even MORE funny?
I have a friend I've known for 25 years, (I'm 27) who can't have children due to cancer.
I wanted to be her surrogate.
I have bad eggs...I can't be an egg donor no matter what.
I had HELLP...I can never be a surrogate.
I would. I absolutely would.
I would give that gift to someone else.
But you see, God is telling me that my time is over.
It's time to watch my babies grow.
It's time to leave the infant world and go forward being a mom of 2 boys!
Might I adopt a daughter some day, maybe!
Maybe not!
But, Dave can go it and have his vasectomy, and I'm 500% ok with it! (for now...I think!)
Is that OK?
posted by Jen at 9:25 PM
7 Comments:
It's ok. You've got to know your limits.
I have horrid pregnancies. I have my boy and girl- but both my husband and I feel that there's another baby meant for us, so we;l try again, someday- we aren't in any rush :-)
11:26 PM
I have to comment. My dh is going in for the consult tomorrow also. I can't wait. I am afraid to have sex for fear of getting pg. I am not sad about this at all. We all have our limits and its better to know those limits now instead of when its too late.
And not this will help you any but......
I was told never to get pg again 2 pregnancies ago*scared* I CAN NOT get pg again.
1:29 AM
I think you have every right to not feel anything!!
You've had it VERY rough so I think 2 healthy , handsome (can't say beautiful) boys is GREAT!!! :)
I've thought about donating my eggs or being a surrogate too but my pregnancies SUCK@!!!
10:31 AM
It's totally ok. ((Hugs)) In fact, I would say that you are one of the smartest women I know for knowing your limits already. Stop feeling the need to defned yourself on this and on FF! You are an awesome woman, and a wonderful mom to those gorgeous boys!
Hang in there with Miles. It will get better. It has to, right??
(((Hugs)))
10:54 AM
I was certain when I made the decision to tie my tubes (well, I didn't tie them...the doctor did). I have had a few "moments" and then I remember the sleepless nights, the stress of raising a human, and then I say whew!!!!
4:22 PM
Of course its ok.
and I have nothing to add because Christine was right on the money!
7:23 PM
Oh, this sounds so familiar. Dh will be having a v. soon too. I'm a little sad about this phase being over, never thoguht I would be, but I too know it's teh right thing.(Please forgive my speliing as I have a baby resting on my arm.) I have two boys, and while I too would never give my sons up for anything, would have liked to ahve had a girl. It gets lonely in a house of boys. No shopping, no girly things, but my kids are healthy and we finally have two kids. I should not have another baby, I'm told, because of teh terrible PPD I've experienced after both pregnancies, and I agree. It's just the 'end' that bothers me. I'm always better at beginnings, if that makes sense.
Yes, my hubby too can get the snip-snip. I am behind that 100 percent. It's just that then it's officially over. There's no turning back, no chance of an 'accident'. No natural pregnancy ever for me. Oh, well.
Bev
5:01 PM
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