December

Did Mother Nature forget that it IS almost December?
It's supposed to be 59 degrees today.
Now, if I could pick a climate to live in, I'd pick one that the average in the winter is 50. I feel almost like I am in that perfect climate!
Unfortunately, I feel that winter is soon to hit and my hunch is that it's going to be a COOOOLD January.

I really think I'm in denial about really how late in the year it is!
As it's being said around blog world, 'Christmas his blown up in my living room'.
My tree is up, decorations are up, yet I somehow think I have an endless time to go shopping.
I am finished with everyone except for the kids. The most important ones, you know!
I am STUMPED on what to buy for Logan this year.
He is so not into toys.
I could by him a few X-box games and he would think it was the best Christmas EVER, but that would mean I'd have to let him play the x-box more than he does now and that isn't going to happen.
Miles is going to be a piece of cake. If he can push it around, he's happy. He'll be getting a pretend vacuum and a pretend shopping cart for sure. Other than that, who cares. He's two. He'll be happy with the box!! :)

After looking at these Christmas cards I realized that I have no idea if I am going to be able to make my cards this year, even though I've made them for the past 6 years. I haven't even thought about it yet!
I'm flying solo the next two weeks, of if someone has any easy cute ideas, shoot them my way.
I'm just not a store bought card kind of person!
What do you send out? Do you make your cards? Buy them? Do the photo cards and just slap them in an envelope?

Apparently Walmart.com is NOT the place to shop on black friday, huh?
I seriously can't stress how irritating this is!
Grrrr!!!

Are you going shopping?

I used to be a Friday after Thanksgiving shopper.
I loved waking up looking for deals.
THEN, I had a child. I was NOT going to wake up earlier than he did just to go shopping.
Dave usually has to work on Fridays, but at his new job he has off!

I'm debating going this year.

The last time I went was 2 years ago. I didn't go really early, in fact, I went at 8:00am.
I was REALLY pregnant with Miles, and totting Logan around, who was just 3 years old along with me.
When I realized that there was NO parking in the entire Kohl's parking lot, I moved the cones at Friday's and parked there.
I figured that if they were going to give an 8 month pregnant woman and her 3 year old son a parking ticket, they were just mean.
We found a few items and waited in line for 45 minutes.
It was totally NOT worth it.

This year though, I'm running out of time for Christmas shopping. Now that I started the body shop parties, I'm booking up for December, I've got playgroups, cookie exchanges, and then Dave will be gone for 10 days.
I have NO idea how I will get it done unless I just go.
But then again, how much time will I waste standing in lines as long as the store itself.
And then, are the sales REALLY that good that you must stand in line for an hour? Or are they the same sales you'll see the weekend after?

I must go do some research.
if anyone knows anything that I SHOULD be aware of, please fill me in!

Tis that time of year again!

With so much to do you don't know if you'll remember everything?
Who's with me?
I am almost finished Christmas shopping for the extended family, but for my kids, I've got nothing.
And that nothing includes ideas as well.
I do this dumb thing and tell everyone who asks what the boys want for Christmas MY ideas so that I have nothing left.

Who here has family issues during the holidays?
I came from a feuding family. When I grew up, my Aunt and Uncle lived next door. EVERY holiday, all of the family would go to their house. We were not invited. Sure, us kids were, but not our parents. We would go for an hour or so to visit (just me, my brother and sister) because our cousins were our best friends and we didn't want to get involved with the parental issue. We didn't understand all the logistics at the time. All we knew is that all of our cousins were getting presents from OUR aunts and uncles all around, and we weren't getting any.
As we grew up a bit, we realized that we just wanted to stop going.
I was still best friends with my cousin that was my age.
We didn't want to get mixed up with who hated who why. We just knew that we were cousins and we loved each other.

Holidays at my house were lonely. Like I said, as a kid all I longed for was that packed house like my Cousins had. We had the 5 of us. Mom, Dad, me, sister, brother.
Every year...Every holiday.
We sort of had a pact, the 5 of us.
Sure, we could have just ordered a pizza seeing it was just us, but we always tried to make big yummy meals.

Now that I am grown and married and have kids and an extended family I feel like I am betraying my family if holiday gatherings clash.
Take this year for example. The plan was to be at my parents from 2:30-5:00ish and then Dave's family from 5:00ish to 7:30ish. (they live 5 minutes from each other)
Well that changed when we realized that Dave's grandparents would be coming.
Now, we're switching times so that we can eat with the grandparents who are pushing 90 and will not be around much longer.

My sister will be celebrating with her soon to be extended family.
That leaves my Brother-Mom-Dad for dinner. We'll come for dessert.

But the thing is, I feel awful.
That pact we made is slowly fading.

I just don't want my brother, dad and mom to feel that same feeling I felt 20 years ago staring out the window seeing all the happy people celebrating the holidays.

Well, OK then

You know how being a mother is truly thee hardest yet most wonderful thing?
Your heart is literally running around and jumping and playing right before your eyes.
You can't stop it.
You can't make it slow down.
You can't change the intense feelings that goes along with motherhood.

Mr. Man had his appointment with the neurologist yesterday.
He has quirks.
Many many quirks.
He's also very sensitive when it comes to his sensory.
He's got Sensory Integration Dysfunction. I'm not labeling him really, just so you can understand what exactly some of his issues are.
The senses that are involved: just about all of them.
He constantly covers his ears, he gags on strong smells, he'll eat about 10 things total, he freaks out if his feet are not on the ground, tags drive him crazy...the list goes on and on.

That's the thing about parenthood. You just learn as you go. Sure, I should have seen this was a problem, but I didn't. I saw it as Logan. Logan doesn't like to go on his back or be flipped over. Logan doesn't like the texture of pasta or oatmeal. Logan just has sensitive hearing.
But in having another child, I realized that Miles didn't have these same issues. And now that I was looking, neither did the other kids we played with.


After a long appointment, we found out a couple things.
Logan is ambidextrous.
Logan most likely has this.

It's not really a HUGE surprise. If you know me IRL, you know that I've thought something was off.
We have to get a formal assessment done, which will be sometime soon at the Children's Hospital.
He'll also be evaluated by the school district next month.

Here starts our next round of life.

OK, call it a late 20's crisis.
I just don't know what I want to do with my life.
But you know what, I've just decided to just sort of continue going with the flow and not get fixated on finding that perfect career.
After talking to my friend about The Body Shop, I think I'm going to do that for now.
I'm a cosmetologist, which will give me a little head up in the business i think.
I'll be doing it for ME, with no expectations on making a ton of money. I'll be doing it for fun. (And it IS fun, if you ever get invited to one)

So there.
I give myself permission to procrastinate growing up for a while longer.

Traveling cosmetologist?

OK, I top the cake when it comes to people who don't know what they want to do with their life when the grow up!
I know, I know!!

BUUUT!!!
My friend became a 'Body Shop' rep and has been sharing so many samples etc...with me. (on a side note, if you are thinking about doing something like this, this company ROCKS!!)

Anyway, working with the products etc...I've REALLY been itching to get back into cosmetology BIG time.
I'm so hesitant to go work in a salon part time evenings because so soon Logan will be in Kindergarten all day and I wouldn't want to leave him right when he gets home. I'd never see him. And in order to be successful, you have to work evenings and weekends.

Here is my thoughts...you know how people have botox parties? What if people had mani or pedi parties or highlight parties or facial parties?
Invite a bunch of friends over, obviously a limit on the number, and have them all soaking their feet, drinking some wine, chatting away while I do their feet? (or hands...or face in a separate room...probably not hair I guess because rinsing would be a problem)
I could limit it to 4 people maybe so that it's not TOO long.

I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud.
I really do miss beauty, and have been out of it for YEARS!
I'd have to get my manager's license to be legal, but I'd like to get that anyway...

Thoughts?

Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde

First let's just say turning 5 rocks.
I'm so proud of my big boy! I mean, he really is just a plain old BOY now!
Just less than a year and he'll be headed off to school for the rest of his childhood! How strange that will be.
We had 2 parties, one kid party and one family party.
If anyone is in the market for a really easy, yet fun party idea, let me say that bowling is IT!
It was reasonable in price, (only $8 per kid. Included pizza, pop, shoes, 1 game and a goodie bag for each kid!)
It was short, but long enough.
They cooked FOR me.
It couldn't have been better.

Logan scored TWO Spongebob cakes! (made by me...no picking on my decorating job)

Now, tomorrow is the big 5 year shot and checkup day. I'll be sure to give a full update. I'm hoping that they have enough strength to hold him down because it will be tough. I'm nauseaus just thinking about it. Lord give us strength!

Now, regarding the title of the post.
My baby boy. (I can still call him that, right? He's not yet 2! :))

Miles is and always has been high needs....for me.
You all know this already I know, but let me spell it out for you again.

MILES is the CRABBIEST baby I've EVER met in my life.
The thing is, is he's not ALWAYS crabby.
He's basically fine at other peoples homes, (grandparents etc....) and he's sort of fine when I'm not home, BUT for ME he's a MAJOR crab always.
He cries SOOOO much. He crabs, he whines and he's obviously defiant. I ask him to do something and he looks me in the eyes and does something else. I tell him not to do something and he looks me in the eyes and does it anyway. We're not talking just regular toddler behavior, we're talking CONSTANTLY.
He hits me, he pulls my hair, he scratches me, he throws things at me, purposely spills his milk if he knows I'm not moving fast enough to clear his dishes....

As you can imagine, my self esteem on being that 'great mom' is fading away. Sometimes I think I suck more than I am good. Sometimes I think to myself that Miles just can't stand me, regardless of the fact that I carry him around on my hip and try to make him happy as much as I can.
See, WHY is he not this unhappy around others? THAT is what makes me feel awful.

Today was the day that almost brought me to tears.
I was the snack helper today for Logan's preschool (it means I bring snack and spend the entire day at school)
I had to drop Miles off with my good friend who has a daughter 7 months older than Miles. I was SO worried. He woke up at 6:00 today, and I thought about how much grief he was giving her. I thought it was going to be awful. I rushed though my cleaning duties and couldn't get back fast enough.

"Out of all the neighbor kids that I watch, Miles is BY FAR the most mellow laid back EASY one there is"

THAT is what she said?!?!?! (She's watched him before)

So, of course, what do I think? What CAN I think?
I know he loves me, obviously. There is no replacement for mommy when he needs some love. But why isn't he HAPPY for me? What am I not giving him that he needs.
I then think possibly I'm doing a disservice to him by staying home with him. Perhaps he needs more than I can give him?
Do you think he'd strive in daycare?
seriously.
Do you?

Help me help him.

FIVE

Turning 5 is very special you know. It's a whole hand!
Happy birthday my big little man.
AMAZING to me to think I started blogging when he was still in a crib.
B-day party pics to come.

Can't you almost hear the giggles?