The everyday life of a stay at home mom just trying to stay sane.

Friday, July 30, 2004

The big 100!

This is post number 100 for me! I can't believe it!  The reason it has taken me so long to post is because I really wanted number 100 to be special. First, it was going to be about my husbands birthday on Tuesday.  And it seems to be the norm in the 'blog world' to write a big special birthday 'love note' to your spouse on their birthday, but we were gone all day and night...and...well, I was tired! hee hee!
Then, my parents are moving, right now, this weekend, and I am helping, and dying from pain in my sacro-illiac joints.  It just isn't a good topic of conversation right now. So, how could THAT be a good thing to write about for post number 100?
Then, I still haven't felt the baby move at almost 18 weeks (tomorrow) so that really isn't good news...
I have NOTHING good to say right now! I'm tired, I have a headache, my ass hurts (that is where your sacro-illiac joints are) and I've gained 3 lbs in the last 2 weeks. (but the first 3 lbs of the pregnancy, so not too bad, huh?)
So...what this 100th post will be about is YOU! Yes YOU reading this right now!
I want to take the time to thank you all!  Posters and lurkers, friends and strangers (although, I'd love love love to see more comments!! hint hint)
You have no idea how much your comments, suggestions, and everything you have to say keep me excited to continue on with this blog!
You've seen my though my toughest hour, to my sweetest hour.  (Well, not THIS hour right now*wink* but you know what I mean!)
Thank you for being there for me, picking me up and either slapping me or hugging me. Whatever was deemed right at the moment. :)
You are all the best!

Monday, July 26, 2004

You know, that 'friend'...

the one I've talked about before.  The one who thinks she is saying the right things, but winds up using POOR judgement and doesn't THINK before she speaks?  The super-fertile, got pregnant to stay engaged...and then also again on her honeymoon.  The one who told me that IF she is going to have #3, she'd have to get pregnant in August.  When I asked, 'why august?' she told me, as if I were dumb, that it would HAVE to be August, so that her maternity clothes would be in the right season.
Oy! To have only maternity clothes to think about when the decision comes to have a baby. maybe I'm jealous of her fertility...but not of her ignorance.  (Mind you, she was telling me this BEFORE I got pregnant this time...talking to an 'infertile' telling me she had to get pregnant in august due to her maternity clothes selection...nice, huh?)
Well, I've been keeping my distance from her lately.  She called today, and it was actually a nice conversation. Its been over a month since we talked.  She then asked how the baby was doing, and I said as far as I knew, good.  She asked what we had bought so far, and I told her not a single solitary thing.  She then said, 'well, I know how it is with #2.  Its not that youre not EXCITED about it, its just not as exciting to be pregnant the second time around.  You have better things going on in your life then to think about the new baby.  You'll have time to think about it when it comes'
Yep! A typical comment from my friend.  You know, the one that doesn't care that I lost my 2nd pregnancy.  The one that didn't care if I was facing infertility.  The one who told me to be glad that I didn't have 2 kids yelling at each other. 
'its just not as exciting 2nd time around'
WRONG! (I'd use the b**** word here, but she IS my friend)
Why can't she GET it? Why does she not hear the fear in my voice? Why does she not understand that the REASON I have not bought anything has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with 'not being excited'? but because I'm scared to death that I will somehow jinx it? I'm not supersticious, usually....but why does she not GET it?
Why is the world filled with fertile STUPID women? (not that all women are me! I know MANY MANY fertile women who are not stupid!) But STILL!  Even if they ARE fertile, can't they just TRY to understand?
If someone came up to someone with a broken leg, they wouldn't say, 'well, at least you don't have to worry about getting muscle cramps?'
If someone came up to someone else going through chemo, they wouldn't say, 'well, at least you don't have to stock up on hairspray!' isnt FERTILE people I don't like, it is just plain old insensitive people that drive me CRAZY!

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Pass a tissue please...

It has been ONE emotional weekend. 
My parents are moving.  My mom and dad built a house after they were married for a year (they have been married for 35yrs) and we lived in that house until I was 15yrs old.  We split our lot, sold our house and built a new one on the other half of the lot (it was an acre).
So, in essence, even though my parents sold the house I grew up in, we still lived right where we used to play baseball every night until dark.  The new house still had all the trees we played with and built forts in.  It still looked back towards my Grandmother house, which was right behind us.  It had the ever so familiar railroad tracks right next door that we learned our balance on.  In the same small town (200 or so people...max!) with the same small amount of roads, and cows, and old people.
When my Grandmother died in Feb 2002, we all knew it was the time to leave that small town.  2 1/2 yrs later, it is finally happening.  I will never have a reason to go back to the town I grew up in.  While that is common for many people, I am about 2 weeks shy of being 27 yrs old. In the 27 years, it has been rare for me to miss one week of walking on my grass, where I learned how to walk.
It is great that my parents are moving for several reasons. 
One, they are moving 1 1/2 miles away.  That might sound too close for comfort for some, it is just great for me.  You see, my mom is sick. She has MS, but won't admit it to anyone.  She instead will admit to another horrible illness she has RSD.  She can barely walk, and our house they sold is a 2 story.  They are moving into a nice ranch which is PERFECT for her!  NO stairs! (well, there WILL be stairs for my dad's room!  His hunting/vietnam/ space..the space where he can hang is dead animals! Can you believe my father is a hunter, and I am a vegetarian)
Also, my dad has epilepsy, and he will lose his license if/when he has another seizure.  With them being so close, God forbid anything happens, I'll be close to help them.
So, moving the big stuff happened this weekend, and the rest of the stuff has to be out by Friday. 
Its a little sad to see it all go!
Now, while I AM sad about that, Dave and I realized something today.  We are stuck here.  We will never be able to move, at least until we are 55 at the EARLIEST!
If you have siblings, you will understand this.  We are the 'responsible' ones of the family. BOTH me and Dave.  Him in his, me in mine.
His sister up and moved away (to France none the less) in highschool, and has since settled about 5 hrs away.  My brother could move any minute, and he is SOOOO not the one to take care of anything parent related.  My sister is the baby, in more ways than one, and is so needy that she doesn't know how to be responsible.
Chances are my mom will be in a wheel chair..already is at her work (plus she is very very small and weak) and my dad...well, we just don't know what the future brings. (although he DID state that IF he loses his license, he'll sell his truck and keep the Harley.  He'll chance the ticket if he gets pulled over!)
How could we move?  We couldn't, and we wouldn't.
My mom did the same. She gave up her life to be next to her mother.  She doesn't regret it, as I know I won't either.  In some ways it is great being that one that everyone knows they can depend on.  Dave and I are just big travelers.  We'd go anywhere, do anything!  To know that we are growing roots in this town...its kindof smothering.
We'd both love to move to Arizona.  Hmmm....kindof far away from Wisconsin!
So, we've decided that we are just going to be travelers forever.
We will bring traveling into the blood of Logan and 'baby'.
So that is 2 things that have been emotionally overwhelming this weekend.
Plus, I can't stop thinking about getupgrrl's heartwrenching news and the emotions she must be going through.  I don't even know her, yet I couldn't feel for her more.  I hang from every word she writes hoping that she has gotten better news...(Chez Miscarraige...the link is in my list)
I'm about ready to drop from exhaustion.
I'm also getting about as nervous as you can get knowing the 'big ultrasound' is coming up. I don't have a date yet.  We make it at my next appt.  (next Friday)
But I've decided that for a healing process, IF all is well at the u/s, and IF we find out the sex, we are going to buy a few things for the baby.  Nothing major yet.
Just ones I think.  maybe some socks...
We will have to do it alone, without Logan because I really want to soak it in.  The first purchase.  And with a 2 1/2 yr old...oy!  Shopping slowly just doesn't work! The cart has to be MOVING at all times!
Oh, and Logan is JUST fine! NO rash what-so-ever!
I'm such a worry wort!  Just remind me of that next time I have a bit of a freakout for no good reason!
(Although, I still can't feel the baby move at 17w 1d)

Thursday, July 22, 2004

chubby cheek update...

so far, so good! Thank God!
Thanks for thinking about me girls!!

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Two things weighing heavily on my mind...

First, an update on Logan.  His temp hovered between 100-101 today, all day.  His mood on the other hand was wonderful! He's his playful self.  We went to the doctor yesterday, and he said he was almost positive it was viral (although his throat was red, so we did a strep test...negative)
He said that due to the really high temp hitting so fast, chances are it was one of a few things.  Roseola, Hand foot and mouth, Fifths disease to name just a couple.
Apparently, in all of these you get the fever right away, and then when the fever breaks, you get a rash that will basically let you know what viral infection he had.  Once the rash appears, he will be basically symptom free.
So...that leaves me with the one thing thats on my mind.  Fifths Disease is also called, 'slapped cheek' disease.  That is what appears after the fever.  It looks as though the child was slapped.  Well...this afternoon Logans cheeks were getting mighty pink, and by the time he went to bed, they were very pink.  I'm praying it was just due to the fever being here for 48hrs.  Fifths disease isn't a good thing for a pregnant woman to be around.  While my doctor assured me that half of all adults are immune to it because they got it when they were children, it didn't make me feel all that better.  Here are some things I read about fifths and pregnancy:
Fifth disease has been documented as a potential congenital infection of the fetus. If a pregnant woman becomes infected with parvovirus B19, she may have no symptoms; however, the fetus may suffer damage, including the possibility of stillbirth. In women who have fifth disease during pregnancy, there is about a 25 to 35 percent risk that the fetus will become infected.
Having fifth disease rarely causes birth defects or brain damage, but can lead to early miscarriage or stillbirth. Most miscarriages due to fifth disease infection happen 4 to 12 weeks after the mother's illness begins. The risk for stillbirth is 5 to 10 percent. The greatest risk for pregnancy loss occurs with infection during the first half of the pregnancy.

What risk does parvovirus B19 infection pose to the fetus?
Fortunately, most fetuses are unaffected when their mothers contract the virus. However, when a fetus does become infected, the virus can disrupt the ability to produce red blood cells, leading to a dangerous form of anemia, heart failure, and up to a 9 percent risk of fetal death - resulting in miscarriage or stillbirth.
Fifth disease in pregnancy has not been proven to cause birth defects.
So, as you see, this is quite disturbing.  Darn internet, I swear it turns an OK situation into life and death.
So, of course, if Logan DOES have fifths, we won't really know until he develops the red rash on his cheeks.  And, of course, if he does have it, its too late for me anyway.  He wouldn't be contagious anymore.  The last 2 days have been nothing but cuddling, loving,, if I'm NOT immune, I'll probably get it.  I called my OB today, and said we could do a few different things.  Bring Logan in for a blood test (no thanks!) or bring myself in for a blood test to see if I'm immune, then it wouldn't matter.  Or, just wait and see what happens with Logan.  If he doesn't develop it, then of course we are fine.
I chose option 3.  I was not going to make Logan get his blood drawn for a virus. 
So, we'll see what tomorrow brings.
The second thing weighing heavily on my mind...Today I am 16w4d
I have not felt a single movement yet.  With logan, I didn't know what 'feeling' felt like, and I remember like it was yesterday the first time I felt it.  I was laying on the bed with Dave, and Dave had his hand on my stomach.  We BOTH felt it at the same time. What does that tell you? That I OBVIOUSLY must have felt it inside much earlier if Dave felt it the same time I did. I just didn't realize it.  That was 20 weeks exactly.  Now, from what I understand, with your 2nd you feel it much earlier.  I'll be 17 weeks very shortly, and nada! Nothing! Not even a, 'was that it?'
Then, I've been reading the board of women due in January.  I'm due the 1st, so obviously I have one of the earliest due dates.  There are women on the board who are feeling movement with their first child, and they are behind me.
It makes me very nervous.
I remember my friend saying, 'wait until you get like 16 weeks or so, you'll feel SO much more confident then!'
While there is NO hiding I'm pregnant (my belly is nice and round) and we actually could feel my uterus this morning.  It was right at my belly button line.  I'm enjoying this pregnancy, (except for these darn headaches! ;o) but STILL....I'll stop the monotony.  You know what I'm going to say.
So anyway, Keep us in your thoughts. I'm sure its not fifths, but you just never know.  I'll keep you updated on those cute chubby cheeks tomorrow!

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Sick Logan

Yesterday we had the best day!  We did housework together (ever see a 2 yr old mop the floor! The floor doesn't get as clean as you would like, but the memories are whats important) and played outside all morning.  After nap we went and basically bought the produce section of the grocery store and came home to have snack of many mixed fruit! Yum! Then we went out and played in the sprinkler.  Daddy came home, and I went in to make dinner.  All was going great! I told Daddy and Logan to come in to wash their hands, as I was taking everything to the deck to eat outside.  Our plans were to enjoy a nice meal outside, and then watch Logan build sandcastle after sandcastle in the sandbox.
INSTEAD, after the hand washing, Logan sat down to eat (many of his favorites) and decided he was "all done". I figured he just wanted to go play, so I made him eat a couple bites when he just started BAWLING how he wanted to go to bed.  His bears would make him feel better.  Instantly, he looked sick!  His eyes got all glazed over, his skin was pink.  We let him go up to bed, and then came up to take his temp.  102.4!
Wherever THAT came from, I have NO idea!
Within 45 minutes the 102.4 went up to 103.2.  He was lifeless and SOOOO sick looking.  Not coughing, vomiting, diarrehea(sp?)...NOTHING!  He didn't move when we put the cool washclothes under his arms and head.  The office told us to give him motrin and 30 min later tylenol.  It worked! His temp dropped to the 101's by 9pm.  I checked on him at midnight and 4am.  He was feeling warmer at 4pm, and when he woke up at 7:00am, his temp was again 102.4.  It got down to 101.8 a half hour after tylenol.
I just checked it again, and its back up to 102.2.
The thing is, besides his glassy eyes, and NO appetite, and just wanting to sit on the couch and watch TV, I wouldn't think he was sick!  He isn't your typical 'sick' with things coming out of either end...he just has this fever!
So, he has an appt in an hour, where I'm sure they will just look in his mouth and ears and tell me its viral, but I still want to take him.
Its so hard to see your little boy who is always happy and laughing so misreblely sick!  Lets hope that this is not the flu, and that it is just in the beginning stages. 
Sick babies are so sad!

Monday, July 19, 2004

My cure to the new hair cut

You all know what I mean! The first few days after your new haircut (new style totally) and you just CAN"T make it look right?  You are in the 'I want to cry' and 'it will work itself out' stage!
I got my hair cut Saturday.
I was in this stage yesterday!
We had plans to drop Logan off at his Grandma's to visit his Aunt who was in town for only a couple hrs.  We had to go look at this house for my brother who is traveling for work and can't see it.  Traveling and buying a house just do not mix!
At a spur of the moment, we decided to drop Logan off a *little* early (they live like a minute away) and quick come home and change. (although I don't think that a quick change was on either of our minds)
Well...those of you with children know the treasure a few minutes at home alone with your husband can be.  And those of you withOUT children probably have a much more life then those of us WITH children!
My food for thought, if you just CAN'T figure out what to do with your new cut...have a mid day 'rendezvous' with your hubby!  Not only will you not be disappointed (hopefully!) but I SWEAR, you'll get up with you hair looking EXACTLY like it looked as you left the salon!

Saturday, July 17, 2004

hot and heavy...

Religion is not something my husband and I see eye to eye on.  It isn't something I've really pushed before in our relationship. Its just something that we differ on.  I married a science guy.  I, on the other hand don't need science.  I believe what I was raised to believe...what makes sense to me, even though it might not make sense.  Dave NEEDS it to make sense.
Sometimes we talk about it as like a debate.  Its fun, like before Logan when we were drinking and could REALLY debate with beer after beer!  I'm sure God would approve, right! :)
I'd state my side, and he'd be full of questions, and I'd answer them to the best of my knowledge.  You see, I was raised a Lutheran.  I attended a private Lutheran school from Kindergarden through 8th grade.  I had 16 people in my graduating 8th grade class. (I then went to a public highschool and became a heathen! hee hee)  There WAS a time where I was very confident in my bible knowledge.  I'm REALLY foggy these days.  God is someone I talk to on a regular basis, but I'm horrible when it comes to giving my time to God.  That is hopefully going to change as I am starting to go to church tomorrow.  Logan is almost 3, and has been to church 3 times.  His baptism, my Grandma's funeral, and Easter last year.  I want him to know God in his life, as I did. Plus, there is something so comforting about church.  Especially in a Lutheran church! We SING a lot! I LOVE to sing!  I love to hear the organ.  I love to leave with something to comtemplate after listening to the sermon.
Back to Dave.   He was raised a Catholic.  But, that doesn't make him a catholic. 
We had a conversation last night, which brought my over emotional pregnant self to tears.  You see, I would give anything for Dave to believe the same thing that I do, and know that no matter what happens in the after life, we'd be there together.  I'd give ANYTHING for that peace of mind.  Unfortunatly, I don't have that because like I said, Dave is a science guy.  He needs PROOF.
Heaven?, he asks,  Prove it to me.  Well, I tell him, when it CAN be proved to you, what if it is too late?  He believes that it will not be too late. He says he does believe in a God, but how can all the different religions have different Gods, and if they DO have different Gods, then who has the right God?  And if there IS only one right God, all the people who believe in all the other Gods, are they all going to Hell?
You see, my family is all lutheran. Daves parents are catholic.  Daves sister is Bahai' and her husband is Muslim.  That there gives him his point.  Not all of us are going to heaven because we believe different things?
And God has to realize that he created Science guys, and that they need proof to believe.  He told me alst nice, "once he says to me 'here's heaven' I'll say, 'OK!  Thanks for the proof!' and in I'll go".
I'm not so sure I believe that...really...I don't.
But, maybe he IS right!
And maybe I'm wrong!
The fact of the matter is, I love Dave so deeply that even when we are dead, I'd want nothing more than to spend the after life with him.  My fear is, what if I can't be with him!
I think this all stems from some dreams that I've been having lately, which you all will think I'm crazy, but you know, you may be right!
I'll post about them in my next post, I promise!
I'd love to hear your thoughts on the whole religion debate.  And also, if you and your spouse believe in the same thing.
Oh, and a little pregnant news...Im 16 weeks today!  I'm in disbelief!  All of a sudden, I feel like this pregnancy is going WAY too fast!  I'm 4 weeks from being half way through in my last pregnancy. That makes me a bit sad in a way!  (No matter what the outcome of this pregnancy brings...not trying to be negative, just stating the fact....we are NOT going to get pregnant ever again)
I have to go in on Tuesday for my triple screen. I know this tests is very contraversial, but I'm all for knowledge and all the information that I can get from this little bugger right now.
I've got to go as my dad is 55 today (happy birthday dad) and his cake is in the oven! They are coming over for a grill out!
Happy weekend everyone!

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

check it out!!

Thanks to my friend Robin, I've FINALLY figured out how to post links to other blogs from my blog! Its great because now they don't all have to be in my 'favorites' file!
If you didn't know, I'm completely illerate when it comes to computers, so without Robin's help, they would have never gotten there!! THANKS Robin!
So, if you are bored and want to see what I like to read when I'M bored, check out some great blogs! I'll add more when I get some time! :)
They are on the right hand side below my profile!
Hope you enjoy!!

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Logan's brain here to see an MRI pic

You obviously see the big ball when you are looking at his right side of his head. It is called an ependymal cyst. Those of you who know me from Soul Sisters know all about this cyst, but others of you most likely do not.
Logan was diagnosed with this cyst when he was about 15ish months. He fell at my parents, and after a full day of crying we decided to take him in. They did a catscan just to check for some bleeding in the brain. It came back totally fine. We left with some tylenol. 2 days later, the Doctors office called me...over and over and over...but I was coming in that day anyway for a recheck for Logan. They told me that the cat scan showed something in his brain that they needed to get checked out. We had to go in for a sedated MRI that wound up taking over an hour and a half. I got to hold Logan and sing him a song and rock him in a rocking chair while they got the big scary room ready. He wanted nothing to do with that room. Then, they put the mask on him and I watched my baby be put to sleep. It was awful, horrible, and life altering holding your baby as he was put to sleep. They then, after we left, put in the IV and started the real sedation. Dave and I paced the halls, knowing that we wouldn't know anything that day anyway.
We had our follow up with the head of the pediatric neurosurgery department the next day. We found out about his cyst. His golf ball sized cyst. Of course I couldn't help but cry as the neurosurgeon explained what was in his head and that he would definelty have the chance of having to have brain surgery one day. Logan didn't crawl until 11 months, and didn't walk until 15 months. These were still on the high-normal end of the charts, but the doctor believed he was late in these milestones because of the cyst. He explained to us that the cyst was between the area that produces cerebral-spinal fluid (could cause hydro-cephalis) and his vision control part of his brain (blindness).
We sat in fear.
There were things we were to watch for. Light sensitivity, falling a lot, head growth, irritability, extreme well as others. If any of these things were to happen, we were supposed to call right away. Of course, we made ourselves see each and every thing that the doctor pointed out! We called many times thinking the worse. We went back a few months later for a recheck MRI. This MRI if called a 'quick MRI'. It isn't offered everywhere, in fact our hospital invented it. If the doctor knows exactly where to look, they can wrap up the child (very sad) and stick him in the tube (very sad) and do it quick (did I mention sad?) But it took all of 90 seconds with NO sedation! The good news is, it wasn't growing. The bad news was, it was taking over our lives. Logan had extreme light sensitivity, and we had to go to the eye doctors for regular checkups to see if the retina was swollen at all (a sign the cyst was growing) was not.
The doctor wanted to see my u/s pics from when I was pregnant with Logan. he said if the cyst was present there chances were good it wouldn't grow any bigger. If it wasn't in my u/s, that would give a pretty good indication that there was a much better chance that the cyst WOULD grow, therefor needing surgery. The cyst was NOT present in my u/s.
Logan also spend 2 nights in the hospital last October as to watch for silent seizures (a symptom of this cyst) and thank GOD he wasn't having them. He had to have a 48 hr video EEG done. He had to have the electrodes attached and gauze on his head with a little backpack at all times. He also had to have them changed morning and night. It was very hard for him, and us to spend 48 hrs in a room the size of our bathroom!
Towards the end of our hospital stay, the neurologist told us that Logan had "a whopper of a cyst in his brain" but the GOOD news was, there was MOST LIKELY only a 25% chance that he would need surgery in his life! You can look at this a couple different ways. One way is to think that one child out of four WILL have surgery. I don't like that view. Our 2 next door neighbors, including Logan are 4 children. That isn't many. I see them outside and think...hmmmm! I don't like that thought process at all! ANOTHER way to look at his is if there was a park filled to the rim with children. 100 children! only 25 would have to have surgery! While that STILL isn't really easy to think about, it was easier knowing that 75 of the children would live normal lives, and Logan could definetly be one of those children. If he DID have to have surgery, it would be a very easy surgery in brain surgery terms. (but is there really such thing as an EASY BRAIN SURGERY?) The main thing is going INTO the brain. But seeing it is a CYST and not a TUMOR, they would use a tiny tiny hairsized needle and drain the cyst.
And that is no guarantee. They do come back.
Today, Logan is a little over 2 1/2. (november 7th is his birthday) and he is not your typical roundy and rough 2 yr old. He is reserved, doesn't run very well. Very clumsy, akward when it comes to his feet. Besides that, there are many many things about Logan that are unique to him, and even advanced when it comes to brains smarts. He is extrememly bright, and I'm amazed everyday when he remembers something that I have a hard time remembering.
The reason I decided to post about this was because his next MRI is coming up in October. October seems so far away, yet just like tomorrow. It will have been a year sinces his last. A year is a REALLY long time to wait as a parent! I'm a bit sad (oh hell! A LOT sad)that I will not be able to go with him in the room for his MRI this time. It is a very loud scary machine. He has to get wrapped from neck to feet so he can't move. Being pregnant, I can't go because of the radiation. If it hasn't grown, there is a chance that we might be able to live a little more at ease with his condition. Its just so hard to have the unknowns. For him to fall and bump his head, and the first thought being 'omg! his cyst'. Although the neurologist assured me that he would be just like every other child, and could play football if that is what he wanted. The cyst is well protected.
It just seems to be on my mind today. That happens. Sometimes I can almost make myself forget it is there, and other days it weighs heavily on my mind when I see my neighbors out playing and wonder what will be the outcome of Logan's future.
So, that is just a little 'getting to know about a really important part of my life'.
You can see how Logan is the most special little boy in the world to us, I'm sure!

Saturday, July 10, 2004

15 weeks...

Here are 2 little excerpts I found online about week 15 (TODAY I am 15 weeks!)
I wanted to find more, but I'm so tired, this is all I could find!

Your 13-week-old fetus now measures about 4.1 to 4.5 inches from crown to rump and weighs about 1.75 ounces. Its body is covered by an ultrafine hair, called lanugo, which is usually shed by birth. Eyebrows and hair on the top of the head are beginning to grow. He may even be sucking his thumb by now. Bones are getting harder.
The baby's skin is very thin, and blood vessels can be seen underneath. The skin is covered with a fine, fuzzy hair called lanugo, which will not fall out until your
baby nears full-term. The heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood per day. Growing fast, your baby weighs 1.5oz and measures ten centimetres crown to rump or 12.5cm head to toe. This week marks a period of rapid growth, so get your rest! Could THIS be why I feel like I'm walking through a fog lately! I'm so tired, I can barely function!! So GROW BABY GROW!!! :)----------------

Isn't my baby cute? I love that he/she has eyebrows and hair on the head!! SUCKING THUMBS! Awwwww!!! :):)

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

A quick update

I had a doctors appt yesterday, and we got to hear the heartbeat again! It was SO great! Logan was with me this time, so it was fun to see his expression! "WHAT is THAT?" was the reaction he had!
The heartrate was 167! Still in the 160's (hmmm...maybe a girl????)
I also discussed a problem I've been having on a daily basis. Hip pain...or what I THOUGHT was considered a hip. Its actually the SI joint. It is the joint in your bottom (can you tell I'm a mom...bottom! haha) where your leg bone attaches. It gets to the point where I can not walk without holding something to keep my balance. I had it while pregnant with Logan, but it wasn't this bad. It never fully went away, but it would come once a month or so. Now, it is every day. The doctor gave me some exercises to do, and if in 2-3 weeks it isn't any better, I have to start going to physical therapy and if it gets REALLY bad (which, I would say its pretty bad already) we'll have to outweight the pro's and cons of getting an x-ray. We would of course not really want to do that while pregnant. Hopefully the exercises will help. The bummer is, he said if it is already this bad, it will probably get worse in the pregnancy.
So, we'll just keep chugging away and hopefully it will get better! Until then, I'm excited about the fact that I'm getting close to 15 weeks (saturday) and soon...VERY soon I might be able to feel this little peanut inside of me!
I can't wait for that day!!

Monday, July 05, 2004

Its funny how pregnancy doesn't cure infertility...

Recap on the weekend...Thursday night, after Dave had been gone all week, we took Logan bowling for the very first time. We had a B-L-A-S-T!! Imagine a 2 1/2 yr old pushing the ball as hard as he can. It takes about 90 seconds for that ball to hit the pins, and the whole 90 seconds he is standing at the line yelling..."Go ball! Go Ball! Go Ball!" I swear it was the cutest thing I've seen in a long time!!
Friday night, we went to the circus!! (it SUCKED big time, and the wildest animal we saw were 2 small monkeys, but oh well!) Logan got to go on a pony ride (stink smelly popping horses that I had to hold him up on) and then he spent the night at his grandparents house so Dave and I could go out to dinner.
Sunday...parade in the morning, carnival in the afternoon, fireworks at night, and didn't get to bed until 10pm (he usually goes to bed around 7:30ish)
What a weekend!!! A fantastic wonderful weekend!
The one thing that was in common the whole weekend was pregnant people.
Like the one who was at least 7 months pregnant smoking during the whole parade right across the street from me. If she was next to me, I would have just went off, but she was a grown woman making her own choices! (horrible choices, I might add!)
Or at the fireworks the 'woman' (I say that lightly...I should say girl! All of 15 maybe) with this little tiny newborn. Or at the bowling alley. The woman with her 4 other kids, sporting this cute 5ish month pregnant belly looking happier than I've ever seen anyone bowling.
Or the countless women I saw at the carnival who were proudly rubbing their bellies.
I was one of them! But, I wasn't one of them! I don't know if any of them were one of me either? My guess is the 3 women I pointed out here were definelty not 'one of me' because how could you smoke while being that pregnant if you tried desperately to conceive. You obviously didn't try desperately to conceive as a teenager, and I'm just taking a stab that the woman pregnant with her 5th didn't have to try too hard. But I could be wrong.
When I looked at all the pregnant women, the horrible thing is, I was jealous!! What of you might ask? Innocence! The way they PROBABLY took their pregnancy for granted. Or didn't try, or maybe didn't want to conceive in the first place. But, I AM pregnant! Is that what you are thinking?
I know! And its just one of those things that infertility does to you!
It never leaves you! I will never not be plagued with the disease of infertility.
I will understand, and feel what other 'infertiles' are feeling forever, I believe! I'm STILL not at that place where I am 100% positive I am going to have a baby in January! Criminy! I'm far from it! I dont want to do ANYTHING to jinx it! (though, I really don't believe in that)
I'm afraid for people to see my belly (although there is no hiding it anymore) because I don't want them to mention my pregnancy. I don't want to tell people when I'm due. I don't want to imagine the office as a nursery. I don't want to look at tiny baby clothes! People at my stage of pregnancy are already painting nurserys, buying cribs and clothes and toys etc.... and I just want to pretend to the world that I'm not pregnant! That way, if no one knows, it can be just me and my family who stand together if something happens.
That is one sad thing about infertility. Ask anyone who is 'infertile' and if any of you who are reading this are in that catagory, feel free to tell me if you agree. Infertility lasts through pregnancy. (And who knows how long after that) You don't face infertility to get pregnant and live happily ever after as some women with her head in the clouds as soon as you pee on that pee stick. You don't invision your life as a family of 3-4-5-6...whatever...for a long LONG time! Look! I'm 14 weeks! I still am not picturing my life as a mom of 2.
But dont get me wrong! I can't wait to be comfortable enough WITH the idea to start invisioning! I can't wait to picture a tiny infant. Labor, birth, I can't wait to let my heart open to the thought of all of it. I can't wait to be able to just breath and coast through a bit of this pregnancy. My guess is though, it won't happen until I reach 30+ weeks!
But who knows! Maybe one morning, I'll wake up and be 'cured'. What do you think?

Thursday, July 01, 2004

Today is a GOOD day!

The sun is shining, my husband is coming home after being gone all week from work, we have a weekend full of fun plans ahead! And oh yea! I'll be 14 weeks pregnant on Saturday!
No matter what little guide you are looking at, 14 weeks tells us we are OFFICIALLY in the 2nd trimester! What a great weekend to celebrate! We have the circus tomorrow night with Logan and his grandma and grandpa. After that, Dave and I get a night out while Logan has a sleep over with his Grandparents! The next morning, we are headed out to the huge Farmers Market downtown to get some good baked goods, jelly, cheese, veggies! And walk around together! (Together isn't a word we know a lot lately due to Daves work!!) Then, Saturday afternoon we'll go as a family swimming at the town aquatic center. Sunday is the parade and town festival! Logan is already excited about that!! Then of course we'll do the fireworks at night. Monday, Dave is off work, but IS on call, so we'll stick home and have a family day and PRAY he doesn't get called!
How wonderfully perfect does that sound?
I'm so excited I could burst!!
Logan is doing SO well with potty training! I can't believe it! NO accidents yet today, and only 2 accidents yesterday! He MIGHT be trained VERY soon!
And today, my belly feels just a little bigger than yesterday! (could be from the icecream I ate last night! Logans 5th time in the chair deserved an icecream cone!)
I'm feeling pregnant! Last night my dad said, 'jen! its looks like you're getting a little pregnant!' Isn't that great? My boobs are outgrowing everything I own (which is JUST as exciting! haha!)
It is a GOOD day!