The everyday life of a stay at home mom just trying to stay sane.

Friday, April 29, 2005


First, let me tell you that I got 4 hours of sleep last night.
It is 2:30pm and I have been awake for 10hrs already...I went to the dentist this morning and found out that I have a mouth full of work ahead of me.
I've gone YEARS without a cavity to wind up having a TON of tiny ones that I should get fixed before they cause me real pain.
Um...I swear I brush my teeth 2-3 times a day! I'm stumped!
So, with 4 hrs of sleep, $1400 worth of dental work ahead of us (that is only the portion I have to pay) lets say there have been a lot of exhaustion tears today!
So, my quiz...who knows what song THIS is from!
It sure says what I'm feeling right now! Exhaustion, unhappiness(not really SAD crying, just frustrated at the amount of money this will cost), and so unfocused from lack of sleep that I'm surprised I actually got off at the right exit to get to the dentist!
'Cause now I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through crying and I sat up and before I wept
I get through thinking and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speaking and I can't remember not a word that I said
Anyone, anyone?
bummer! no ben harper fans? You're missing out!!
Album:Burn to shine
Song:Show me a little shame (not one ounce child related, but that verse sure fit my day, go listen to it somewhere!

Thursday, April 28, 2005

What kind of relationship do you have with your friends?

I'm talking the ones that you live by, or have physically known. Not computer friends no matter how close you may be.
There is something about computer friends that makes it easier to open up to. Share all, every last shred of information about any situation that you are going through.
Its easier, you can be more honest because you will not see that person in your daily life.
You have them when you need support, when you have support to give, or you just want a connection with someone going through the same things you are.
Its easy to find someone somewhere online who is going through the exact same thing you are at the exact same time.
Take for example my situations.
My loss. I only know of two people in real life who has gone through a loss. One is an aunt who we have no connection at all. I won't let this be the connection. We're much to far estranged to become close at all, and honestly, its too personal for me to let her in. The other person doesn't even know I know. She wanted no one to know, but her husband told mine, and there we sit. It killed me not being able to offer her any sort of support, but I respect her choice.
My high FSH. I know NO ONE, not a soul in my real life who had this problem. I don't think 99% of people, make that probably 100% of people who know what FSH even is!
Secondary infertility...again...I know ONE person in the neighborhood who is going to be starting IVF soon. I only know that because one other neighbor told me. I don't know her at all, and she seems like one of those women who wouldn't appreciate you going up to start a conversation. We just wouldn't be friends as far as I can see.
HELLP...again, I know one person. But she doesn't talk about it, didn't care to find out any information afterwards, and it wasn't much of a big deal to her, or so it seems.
Logan's Brain cyst...of course I know no one in my real life who's child has a brain cyst. Or anyone who would know what it is like to envision your child having possible surgery in of all places, his brain.
With all of these issues, I have found a multitude of support online. People who have been in the EXACT same situation.
Strangers who have turned into friends. People who could relate, and even if they COULDN'T relate offered a shoulder and an ear. People who have had other things happen to them that makes them empathetic to similar situations. As I have also done for other online friends.
Yet, I think about my REAL life friends. The ones that I can touch. The ones that really COULD give hugs who completely are not like the online friendships I have.
Yes, they might know something was going on when I couldn't get pregnant after my miscarriage. Some even knew about my loss, my infertility. Yet, it was one of those things that would get talked about a bit, and then the topic would turn to the weather or other unimportant tidbit of useless information.
The ones who saw my bloodshot eyes after an appointment who never mentioned it.
My past friend (who is no longer) who walked me to my car after a dinner with friends and I cried to her. I told her that I was at an all time low and I just needed someone to have a beer (or 6) with an let it all out. She absolutely agreed to meet with me that Friday to let it all out and then stood me up, never to call again.
Don't get me wrong, more the most part I love my real life friends. Even though they are not the deep down friends that you have when you are growing up. Most of them are neighborhood moms that migrated together because of children. We don't know the innermost thoughts and problems that each one has, we just meet, smile, push the kids on the swings, talk about mundane daily life and leave it at that. It sounds horrible, but really, its not. Its nice actually.
What I LONG for are the real life friends like the ones that I have met online.
The ones that I could call and say, 'bring child so-and-so over to play with Logan and lets gossip over coffee.' Or, 'I'm having such a hard day, please lets meet for lunch' Or someone that would say the same exact thing to me.
Someone I could dish all my life to, and also listen to them do the same.
Do you all have friends like that? I have a friend that I've had for 13 yrs that is ALMOST like that, but not quite. With work it could be, but I don't know if I want to go that far with that friendship.
I guess I long for that highschool feeling of having a best friend.
You remember, passing notes in class...sitting on the phone for hours at a time sorting out every last detail of the day. Problems, crushes, all of life's issues.
Of course I don't want to sit on the phone for hours and pass notes, but I want that deepness where I can tell them anything and they can tell ME anything.
Does that even exist for someone pushing 30?
Don't get me wrong, I love my real life friends. I love the relationship we share. I just wish I could build a DEEPER relationship with an actual person that I could have coffee with...anyone relate?

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

I think I've found a solution...

First, I called my doctor about my really strange cycle.
He told me that 20 day LP isn't normal, and he'd like me to come in for a beta to make sure it wasn't a very early loss.
I decided against this idea.
I don't want to think it was anything other than a wacky cycle.
Plus, nothing that I could do, right? So...I'm not going to do that.
I just had a strange cycle.
Thanks for the woo-hoos Kether and Stephanie!
Thanks for the hug Christine, I think you understood at some level that I wasn't sure how I felt about the situation!

Now, my solution!
You know how I just want SOMETHING...something to do outside the home.
I'm going to become a consultant for the children's book party company that I had at MY house last week.
I'm really excited and hope I can find people who want to have parties!
It will be perfect, I put in as many hours as I want, when I want.
I hope it will be a major success!

Monday, April 25, 2005

Mystery solved

20 days post ovulation...I got my period.
I've never heard of a LP lasting 20 days.
I'm as positive as I can be of my ovulation day.
Mystery solved I guess, huh?

Saturday, April 23, 2005

For all you lightweights out there...

I thought you'd want to see what a CHUNKY MONKEY looks like!
This is my 17lb 5oz baby at only 3 1/2 months old!

Thursday, April 21, 2005

ok, I'll admit it...

I'm a TEENY-TINY bit disappointed that the test was negative.
But, not for the real reasons you're probably thinking.
I have only wanted two children ALWAYS in my life. Even before my loss, even before my infertility, and definitely before my HELLP.
I remember the first summer Dave and I met, we were sitting out on my porch on the swing. It was pouring rain. I knew Dave was the one, and he confided to me that he knew I was the one.(very funny to think about as I was only 18 and he was only 19) We talked about what we wanted in our individual future (as if we were not going to be together).
We both said we only wanted 2 kids. I meant it, so did he.
We later in life agreed that we were the luckiest people because we wouldn't have those arguments someday about having another because we were both SET in STONE about only having two. Now I realize just how lucky we ARE to have two!
But the last two weeks brought me back to a place that I really NEVER EVER want to go again. I spent month after month trying to conceive Miles. Month after month watching my CM, taking my temp, popping Clomid like it was candy, going in for blood tests to see if I ovulated, peeing on HPT's even though I knew it was too early. I knew the test would be positive, EACH and every negative, I knew before hand it was going to be positive. Sure I talked myself into knowing truly that it would be negative, but there was a bigger part of me that NEVER lost the optimism of getting a positive, each and every time.
And each and every time it was negative.
I once said, and I'll say it again...Infertility was the hardest thing I've ever had to encounter. How women go through more than me, I'll never understand.(to some, my pain was small, I'll admit, but still life altering none the less. I for one hate the 'pain olympics' and am all about each persons life experiences may have brought pain. Who is one to judge how hard a situation was for another person, right?)
Its like, after I got pregnant with miles, I slowly MADE myself forget about what it was like every month to have my regular appts, my regular drugs, my regular blood draws, my regular disappointment.
This just brought it all back.
Julie addressed this question on her blog.
Is a person infertile after her family is complete?
I thought a definete NO in my life.
I had the family I always dreamed of. I was not infertile anymore.
I was wrong! I definetly felt infertile seeing that negative HPT.
Its really quite silly as I WAS praying for a negative result.
I couldn't just BELIEVE the test like most women do. I had to become 'infertile Jen' and OPEN the test to make sure the clear plastic wasn't blocking the obvious pink line. I had to hold it up to the light, I had to hold it up in the SUNlight!
I didn't believe the test. I'll admit there is a small part of me still holding on to the impossible chance of being pregnant as I am 17dpo's with no period.
It brought me right back to the place I hated the most.
Month after month feeling like an outsider. A faker. Smiling at playgroups when a mom would announce her second, third or fourth pregancy.
They all knew something was going on with me. Sometimes I'd ask a mom to watch Logan while I quick ran to the bathroom. Coming out with red eyes from the brief meltdown probably tipped them off, don't ya think?
I never wanted to go back to the days of 'infertile Jen'.
I wanted to put them behind me and close the door. And I did a really good job of that until this week. I slowly let myself forget what it was REALLY REALLY like to have month after month of sadness. I let myself just be a mom. A mom of 2. What I had always dreamed of becoming.
You see, while I am a little bit disappointed in the negative, it isn't because I want 3 children. Its because, as silly as it sounds, I think I feel like 'infertile Jen' again. Even though we were NOT trying.
Its funny what a negative HPT can do, isn't it?
But never fear, I'm shutting these feelings in the closet and locking the key!
When is that vasectomy appt again???

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

back to the land of fairytale

So last we visited my fairytale, the Queen was a little freaked...
since then, the Queen has decided that really, there is VERY little chance that there is another Prince or Princess in the oven.
She convinced herself that she was just an loved drama.
The KING on the other hand was quite sure there WAS another little munchkin on his or her way.
Only time would tell...
Day after day and the cramps would appear, and then disappear.
2 nights ago, the queen stood over little Prince's crib KNOWING that her monthly...or should I say tri-annual guest was arriving any minute, and yet morning came with no sign of her.
The same thing happened the next night. VERY familiar cramping with no sign of the lovely guest.
This morning, the Queen woke up at 16dpo's and no sign of anything.
Queen had to take little prince to the doctor this morning which proceeded in heading to the drugstore for some medication.
Queen decided to stop the nonsense and buy a test.
Going back to her TTC days, the Queen HAD to find the best deal, right? So she got a two pack, just in case.
Queen came home, grabbed the test. It was like old days. The Queen, the test, the instant run in the door and run straight to the bathroom. It was like an old addiction! Queen couldn't believe she was peeing on a stick again!
She watched as a single line appeared.
ONE line...
She waited the entire four minutes and then took the test apart, just like old days. In the old days she was praying for SOME visible line to be there. Today, Queen was making sure there WASN'T another line visible somewhere.
There wasn't.
There was only one line.
16dpo's, no period, not pregnant...

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

For those of you...

who are afraid to have a second child...or those of you who have your second newborns right now and are afraid of the future with two children, let these ease your fear...

Also, I had to share my favorite pic of all time of Logan and myself. This was just taken...

Monday, April 18, 2005

teething, rolling and up all night

So it appears that Miles is starting the wonderful teething phase of his life. His older brother basically buzzed right through this stage with no problems. In fact, I wouldn't have known he was teething if it were not from the massive amount of drool pouring out of his mouth.
Miles is putting anything and everything in his little mouth. He tries to stuff the rattles in there, and then gets mad because they don't fit! Its rather funny and sad all at the same time.
Hes angry, grouchy, and definitely in pain. Wouldn't you be? Gosh, I think it must be so painful! And to know that it goes on FOREVER and EVER, or so it seems.
He was up a LOT of the night last night. (See...I guess I am superstitious. Had I not told you all about our wonderful sleep habits, we would have slept soundly last night!)
He went down at 7:00. Up at 10:00, 12:30, 2:00, 5:00 crying hard at each time. Dave took the 2:00 feeding and ran in at about 2:35,
"JEN! JEN wake UP!! MILES ROLLED OVER! What do I DO???"
Needless to say it was the first time he rolled over! Yay for Miles! Such the milestone!! :)
Although he wasn't too happy to be flipped and that of course started him in a whole other phase until he can roll himself back the other way!
ah yes...we will sleep again some day, I'm quite sure of it!
So today I'm trying to make some baked treats and clean my house for a book party I'm having tomorrow. My friend became an usborne book consultant and tomorrow I am hosting her first show. It should be fun, but let me tell you it is NOT fun trying to make mini cheesecakes and cookies with a crabby baby and a bored 3 yr old.
Cry cry! I'm bored...cry cry cry...Mom! Come play catch with me...cry cry! Lets play outside..cry cry cry...MOOOMMMMMMM!!!!"
Feeling like a bad mom today! But, I guess sometimes I have to get things done right? Logan has many things he can do here, and I tried countless times to get him to help me cook or do art.
One thing he IS enjoying is EATING the treats! So, there...homemade treats! I AM a good mom! ;)
We tried out our new boat yesterday with Logan. He loved it, to my surprise! He kept saying, "FASTER daddy!" and here I thought he'd be afraid!
He'd wave to all the boaters and they all thought he was so cute!

So here is my post about nothing, as I am making myself take a break! What I REALLY could use is a nap seeing both kids are napping, but things must get done. bleh!

Sunday, April 17, 2005

I'm not superstitious

But just in case I decide to be after I write this post, I'll be careful with how I state things...

A little someone who's name is almost 'smile' has been doing something rather refreshing in his bed for the number between 5 and 7 hours for three nights in a row now.
Get it?
Shhh! Don't tell him!
I'm not claiming victory YET, but I'm almost ready to break out the glasses for a celebration toast!
I'd like to hear some of your internet friendship stories!
When I was pregnant with Logan I met an amazing group of women. At the time of pregnancy and birth there were definitely over 100 in our group.
3 1/2-4 yrs later there are about 20 of us, give or take, who still 'talk' on a VERY regular basis. We have formed our own private message board and I go there every day. I've gone through a pregnancy with them and went on to see many more babies being born in our group. I've seen happy times and sad times and wouldn't trade our friendships for the world!
One special friendship that has formed out of that group is someone that I will no doubt grow old with. It is one of those special friendships where you would give anything to that friend emotionally.
Don't get me wrong, there has been issues with these friends at times, but hey! A group of women will ALWAYS have issues, right?!
When I started blogging so long ago I was introduced to a whole new set of 'friends'. Not really FRIENDS though, more like 'friend crushes'. They probably didn't even know I was around. I read their lives, cheered them on, cried with them, and was proud to know them.
I was then introduced to a whole new set of blogger friends. I couldn't imagine not having them post on my blog and not read and posting on their blog.
The internet is such a great way to find support in ANY situation that arises!
I've found pregnancy support, miscarriage support, infertility support, clomid support, HELLP and pre-eclampsia support, lack of sleep support...The list goes on and on!
My sister met her current (and longest) relationship online. I have no doubt that they will get married in the future.
I wonder what people once did BEFORE the internet for support.
I know noone personally in my REAL life who has gone through a loss, infertility AND HELLP...not a single one! Yet online I know too many to count!

Have you met someone online that you wouldn't have met otherwise and wound up being the best of friends? Tell me about it!

Have you met someone online that you THOUGHT you would be the best of friends with only to find out that person was not at all what they portrayed?

Have you gone to MEET IN PERSON a complete internet stranger ever?
Would you, given the chance?
If you have, what was it like?

Do you have an internet friend that you would love to meet?
Do you have an internet friend that you are scared to meet? (as in you're happy its just internet more!)

Do you have an internet stalker or other scary story!

Friday, April 15, 2005

The new duckling has arrived

Happy thoughts to Carrie and her new family of four!
She's beautiful!

Anything I'd have to say today would fail in comparision to hearing about Julia's testimony in Texas State Court.
I'm honored to have 'known' Julia through 2 of her losses, and honored to have followed her pregnancy with Hannah.
Julia, thank you for being so brave. Thank you for standing up for the rights of women everywhere.
Julia, thank you...

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Each child is different

I don't know why I did it.
I opened Logan's baby book to see exactly what he was doing at this time sleep wise.
He would go to sleep at 7pm, we'd wake him for a 10:30 bottle and he'd sleep until 7am.
So I thought we'd try to wake Miles right before we went to bed and feed him and then if God was smiling on us he'd sleep until such luck.
6:45 ate...
7:00 bed
10:00 bottle
10:30 I went to bed dreaming of...hell...anything! DREAMS mean I'm sleeping!
12:30 Miles starts crying, I go give him his paci.
12:45 its obvious its not going to work, Dave gets up to feed him
4:15 Miles is up crying again...I go feed him
6:10 Miles is up crying AGAIN...
Christine and Kether, you guys better not talk TOO much of your sleeping beauties or I'm going to have to come switch children for a couple nights! Not fair, your babes are younger than Miles! He should be teaching THEM how to sleep, no? *wink*

He's kicking our a** thats for sure! We think WE'RE in charge and he's laughing at us! Smart little cookie, don't you think?
I'm so exhausted guys.
We're debating starting the CIO method. I'm just not feeling ready for it. At all! Prime example. Nap time this morning. He was obviously tired and was crying and whining when I put him to bed. I tried to sooth with the paci, no deal. I left. I closed the door and felt like a horrible mom. I set the timer for 5 minutes and he cried the entire 5 minutes. I went in in 5 minutes and gave him the paci and he was asleep within 30seconds. But the crying killed me.
We did the CIO with Logan though, and it took 3 nights. THREE! It wasn't this horrible thing that I regret doing. Yeah, I'm sure that first night I felt HORRIBLE, but the next two he cried LESS than 5 minutes because I didn't even need to go in his room. (I went in every 5 min)
I don't know how I feel about this yet. I know he's physically big enough. He's over 16lbs on our scale. I'd be happy with a 6hr stretch every night and then get up for a feeding. I wouldn't mind that one bit. But he's waking up sometimes at 2 hrs, sometimes at 4.
BTDT Moms, I feel as if in all the sleep deprivation I've lost my logic on this matter. Can anyone give me sound advice? Is ANYONE sleeping out there?
**How could I forget to add...Carrie just may be in labor. Being over a week overdue, its about time! Go wish her your best!! :)**

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

My quarterly review....

My goodness Logan has known exactly what to say these days!
When I feel bad that he hasn't had much fun activity lately, is spending too much time on the TV and computer, and is eating WAAAY too many PBJ's and Chicken nuggets he comes up with the following...

"Mama, I know you like it when I call you mama!" (and I DO like it, SO much!)"Mama, Where are you going?"
"To dinner with a friend"
"Oh! Which friend?"
"Mommy's friend Carrie" (I was trying to find a shirt that covered the baby buldge)
"Mama, you look GREAT!"
"Mama,'re the bestest swimmer in my whole life!"
"Really! I didn't know you'd ever seen me swim? Trust me, I'm not that good at it!"
"Oh yes you are, you're the bestest!"
Anyone with a MIL will love this one!

while at Grandma's house sitting down for dinner...
"Have a bit of your supper"
"No mom, it isn't good"
"sure it is! It's your favorite! Tuna Mac!" (Or tuna-less mac in the vegetarian home)
"but it's not YOUR tuna-mac! You're the bestest tuna-mac maker!"
inside laughing at the fact that MY tuna mac is better than MIL's...
While Daddy was giving Logan a bath last night...
"Lets play fishing!"
"OK buddy!" and gets out his fishing pole...
"not like THAT dad! Like how MOMMY does it!"
"How does Mommy do it?"
"You're the funnest"

Lesson learned in all of this? Sometimes I think I'm doing a royally bad job at juggling both kids right now. BUT, the one I think will live to remember all those times I say, "I can't right this minute because Miles is eating/needs a bath/needs to be put to bed/etc...thinks I am the bestest swimmer, cook, funnest and best dressed! ha!

Monday, April 11, 2005

Baby bootcamp is in session

The time has come my friends to stop the nonsense~as in the random schedule of Miles day. Today is day 3.
He cries when he's hungry/tired/bored/wet.
I guess I was being a bad mom to not be able to tell the difference or look for the cues he was giving me.
Like I said, I got the book 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and am taking it to heart.
I have started letting him nap ONLY in his crib. I must admit, its putting a damper on our daily adventures. I kindof feel bad for Logan. We started on Saturday, so it was really no big deal because Dave was home to take him on his errands or out to play, but today it is just me of course.
The book (and I think Dawnamarie, right?) points out that babies this age should only have wakeful periods of at the MOST 2 hrs. Many are around 1 hr, and a small group can't stay up for even 1 hr.
I decided to start a sleep log. All of this seemed so silly to me because with Logan it was a piece of cake!
It appears that Miles average wakeful period it 1hr 20min.
So, when the time comes where he is spacy-eyed, rubbing eyes, yawning, not in the mood to smile or play it is time for me to put him to sleep in his bed. Not waiting for him to cry, and luckily if I time it right there is NO crying! He is NOT in the swing/arms/bouncy as I was doing before. He needs to know that his crib is for sleeping and the other things are for playing.
We are now sortof getting on a schedule. Again, it sortof is a bummer because it will be hard to do a lot of things with Logan, but I can and will let him sleep in my sling if we go to the zoo or the library etc...
His official bedtime is now 7pm or slightly before.
He gets a bath, massage, bottle all starting around 6:30 and then straight to bed.
So far so good at the bedtime routine, however the 6+ hr stretch is shortening 30 min/day so far.
It started with 6.5-then 6-then 5.5-last night was 5. (then 3 and 4)
Seeing we used to hold him until 10pmish and feed him then, we're basically getting up the same each night and are still really tired, but I'm hoping we're making some progress.
A couple major positives are...
Logan's bedtime routine is potty/pj's/teeth brushed/3books and then tucked in. We were doing this all with a crying baby. It wasn't as loving and special as it used to be. It was rushed and loud leaving whichever parent not reading at the time to wait in the hallway trying to shhhh Miles.
Logan is going to bed easier and we both get to give him big hugs, which is always nice!
Another positive is that NO LATER THAN 8pm, Dave and I are alone to do whatever we want! Last night we had icecream and snuggled together watching Desperate Housewives. We then shared LAUGHTER before we went to bed. It was really nice to not go to bed irritated because I had had Miles in my arms all day. We're getting closer, Miles is getting the rest he needs, Logan is getting some much needed one-on-one...
So we'll keep doing what we're doing for now and see what happens. I'm hoping will all his napping in his crib he'll get more used to it at night??

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Once upon a time...

**warning, not a story that you might want to read if you are TTC without much luck at the moment. This is a story that you might just want to pass on...I know I would have...**
Once upon a time there was a King and Queen.
They had two little Princes, quite adorable ones I might add.
King and Queen had been together for quite some time and knew exactly what they wanted in life.
They were there!
They were happy as can be, although quite a bit sleep deprived.
They envisioned their future with the two Princes and smiled at the visions of two happy little boys running and playing happily.
It was a happy dream.
On day, King was quite in the mood, so to speak. Queen was feeling bad because poor King wasn't getting any (and I mean ANY) attention since Prince number 2 came along.
Queen caved and decided that King deserved some quality attention.
We'll spare the details, but lets just say that King decided to use the form of protection that one chooses to use when his Queen isn't on any other kind of birth control. Lets just also add that things didn't work they way we expected they would with that simple kind of birth control.
So, King and Queen used a simpler form of birth control...As in a quick frolic and then a quick escape.
No problems, right?
Ah, but since Queen had to learn so much about her body to conceive Prince number 2, she knew right away in the morning that things might not be so problem free.
You see, Queen ovulated the next day.
Lovely fertile mucu..(can I say mucus in this sweet story, or will it ruin it? ah well, you get it)
the kind that one who is ttc DREAMS about. Again, I'll spare the details, but lets just say F.E.R.T.I.L.E. (we interrupt this story to say that my body pre Miles would have gotten a period MAYBE 3x/year. SINCE Miles, I've already had 2! I'm ovulating, I'm getting a period. Completely crazy that it took us 19 months because I WASN'T ovulating, and NOW that I don't care if I do or not, I'm OVULATING! Stupid body!...back to our story!)
So, Queen had a little freakout and did a little research.
It appears that even though King was kind enough to finish his business away from the danger zone that there is a *bit* of a chance that he could have let some boys free before the finale without knowing.
So, that left Queen even more freaked.
Queen has been pregnant 3 times. Time one was a 'one time w/o protection' resulting in Prince 1. Time two was a 'one time without protection' resulting in angel one. Time three was completely different, but as you see time 1 & 2 shows that it can be done without much effort.
Today is 5 days since the short little frolic and Queen senses that something is just not right.
Is Queen crazy and overeacting? I'm sure...
Is Queen a bit afraid...very much so...
Does any of my little fairytale make sense to anyone else but me?

Friday, April 08, 2005

uh...who took my baby?

The book I was talking about for those of you who could not see the picture is, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Mark Weissbluth (I believe is his name)

The funny thing is, we could have WRITTEN this book. We followed it to a T with Logan without even reading a book. But, well, Logan was one of those EASY babies.

So I started yesterday at 12:15. Miles looked a bit sleepy, but not to the point of grumpyness. Logan naps at 12:30 so I told Logan I was going to go try to put Miles down for a nap.
3 minutes after I put him in he was sound asleep. Do you know how long he slept in his crib people???
Any guesses????
2 1/2 HOURS! No lie!

This Dr recommends a very early bedtime (we used to put Logan down at 7pm each night)
We ate supper last night at 6:15ish and after supper I didn't clean the kitchen like I normally do. I sent Dave and Logan out to play outside and I gave Miles a nice long bath. I lotioned him up and gave him a little massage. I put him in his snuggly pj's and fed him a bottle. It was only 1 1/2 hrs since he had eaten, but I could see he was getting tired. It was around 7pm when I started feeding him. He was in bed by 7:30!!! SLEEPING!!
We put Logan to bed at 7:30 (but we read 3 books each night so we usually don't get out of his room until a bit before 8:00)
Dave and I were astounded to have BOTH children in bed sleeping and we had nothing to do. Well we COULD know....BUT! We didn't! haha! I cleaned the kitchen, did some laundry and sat down to read more of my book.
I had fully planned on Miles waking up at 10ish to eat. We went to bed around 9:40 and Dave was going to get up first.
I fell right to sleep and woke up to Miles stirring. I went to the bathroom and woke up dave. I then looked at the clock...
are you ready for this people??????


6 1/2 HOURS! (then 3 1/2 hrs for the next feeding)

The author says that all babies are ready for a nap 1-2hrs, but no more than 2 hrs after waking up from sleep.
Miles woke up around 7am. By 8am he was getting a bit spacy, grouchy. I fixed his bottle and he ate and went straight down for nap.
NO crying!
He's sleeping right now in his crib as I type!

Could this be the beginning of change. I'm telling you the anticipation I'm getting for this to be our big turn around is SO exciting!
Don't get me wrong, I know we could go backwards. It has been 3 great sleeping episodes so far. 3 out of 3!
I highly recommend this book!
Now, today won't be so great because we are leaving both kids to go get our boat.
Miles will first be with one grandma who will then have to take him to the next grandma later in the day.
We'll be home by 6ish though, so hopefully we can keep his night routine the same as last night!
I feel energized, happy, and actually JOYOUS this morning!

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Who's Alyssa?

So I had a great dinner last night with Carrie. Yesterday was her due date and we had to celebrate! If you haven't visited Carrie's blog before, you must check her out. Her blog is just fun! Its alway happy and fun and makes me laugh a whole lot!
Anyway, as if I couldn't had made a BIGGER ass out of you know what I did all night? I called her beautiful GRACE, ALYSSA! Even when I was corrected, later on I would STILL call her Alyssa?!!
Carrie was so sweet about it, but I'm sure in her head she was thinking, "whats wrong with this chick! Calling my Gracie ALYSSA!"
So Carrie and Aly...err...uh...I mean GRACE, I apologize!
But you never know! Maybe I'm just pyschic and your baby is going to be a girl and you are going to name HER Alyssa? You think? *wink* (Really...I feel like an ass, and I'm sorry!)
My sweet friend!
This one is for you.
So, if you recall, I had a little moment of, 'am I doing the right thing by staying home' and said I wanted to go back to school.
Let me elaborate...
I think, well, I'm pretty positive I want to become a nurse. If not a nurse then a Medical Assistant. If I were to become a nurse, it would most likely be a LPN and not an RN just because of school time. LPN and Medical Assistant are both a one year program at our technical college.
A Medical Assistant is someone who most likely works only in a doctors office and not a hospital setting etc...its the person who takes you back, writes down your problems, takes your weight/blood pressure/temp...assists doctors when needed for procedures. He/She can draw blood I believe and can become a phelbotomist (sp?) which I would NOT do. He/She mainly works one on one with the doc with paperwork, scheduling procedures for patients outside of the clinic. Taking Triage calls (although they can't give advice. Only take a message and ask the doc and call back)
That all sounds like fun to me!
I'm thinking that route more than an LPN because I don't want to work in a hospital or work hospital hours. I would love an office setting.
You see, in the last 5 yrs starting before my pregnancy with Logan, I've dealt with a lot of doctors. The list is too long to list so we'll hit the main ones...
My pregnancy with Logan
Logan's neurologist and neurosurgeon
All his checkups (there are a million the first year)
My infertility treatment doctors (where I learned waaaay more then the average nurse who would call me back)
This pregnancy where my doc let me take a hands on approach with everything.
My sudden HELLP and recovery
Logans recent illness which had the doctors running tests like crazy to figure it out.
Daves recent emergency appendectomy watching the situation go from stomach flu to emergency surgery
The list goes on and on...and each thing has made me more interested in the medical field.
So much that if I were back in highschool, I'd really buckle down (as in, stop drinking! haha) and really follow a medical field path.
Now that I'm an old 27yr old mom of two my resources aren't so strong. A 4yr degree would take forever, and then the money issue...blah! I wish I would have really tried harder when I was young, or knew what I wanted to try for. (Hillary! Listen to me! ;)
I'd love to get involved somehow...I'd love to be able to get a degree, a four year degree! I'd love to have the time and knowledge to go back and get something more advanced than a Medical Assistant or LPN, but I just don't have that kind of time when I have two children. I know people do it all the time and I give my highest praise to them.
**Talking about the differences of working/at home moms. Not one is better than the other, they're both great**
The thing IS though that I want the best of both worlds. I want a rewarding career AND I want to be a very hands on mom. (Not that you can't have both, Please working moms don't think I'm thinking anything bad here AT ALL!)
I want to be home in the morning to send my children on the school bus, and I want to pick them up from school if they want, OR meet them at the bus stop. I want to go on field trips and volunteer on the PTA.
So, I'm not sure that I'm 100% sold on what I want!
Then that gets me in to the whole issue I have lately.
You know the saying, "you only live once"?
Well, thats hard for me to think about lately because its SO true!
There are so many things I want to do, to TRY with my life. But you know what? Each day that passes is a day less in my life.
I look at all the things I WANT to try and realize that I most likely won't get that chance. That's really sometimes hard to face.(I also definitely see the cup half full and realize that each day that passes is another day full of memories I can't replace with my family)
I think, OK...I'm quitting everything at the moment to be an at home mom. THEN when that's done, I'll do something for myself. But the truth IS, its never done. There are always situations that will come up where they will need me. So, say Miles goes to kindergarten. He'll be almost 6. That's another 5 1/2 yrs away. I'll be 33 yrs old. If I then start going to school I'll be 35ish before I even START my career. And what if I do it to only realize that what I wanted all along WAS to be an at home mom?
Don't I sound like a woman who has no clue? haha! should go back to my highschool counselor for advice...or maybe not!
oy! So Kether, my mind is so far from being made up. Do you have any advice as a professional working mom that I haven't thought of?
Ok, Miles according to my scale at home (you know the ever so accurate way of weighing yourself and then weighing yourself holding baby and doing the math) is a whopping 16lbs even as of last night.
16lbs, 13 1/2 weeks old.
WHY WHY WHY do you think he's still getting up every 3hrs?
Hunger? Habit?
After my lovely dinner last night I ran to Borders to get this book
Anyone read it? Loved it? Hated it?
Dave laughed at the fact that we had to get an owners manual to put him to sleep, but if it works I'll be eternally grateful!
Now trying to find the time to read it!
Thanks to all of you who missed me while I was gone! I missed you too!

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Spring has sprung...finally!

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

YAY! I think I'm back!

Am I?
Anyone else see this?
I have NO idea what the heck happened.
Simone asked if I had changed any settings or messed with my template before it went down. I haven't changed anything, but I thought I'd try to switch it and it worked! Thanks for the suggestion Simone!
Maybe they deleted my template? I'm not sure, but for NOW I'm back!
I have so much blogging to do!
And it looks as if I have to add my blog list back up...great...stupid blogger!!

Sunday, April 03, 2005


For anyone who can still get in this site (via archives) know that I didn't delete my blog. SOMEHOW its just a white blank page. I've emailed blogger and hopefully will get it fixed SOON! Until then, I'm going blogging crazy!