To have a drink, or not...

When I got pregnant with my angel baby, I remember going out to eat with 2 friends and sharing the news that we were pregnant. Everyone had just ordered a round of drinks, and I got lemonade. I remember my friend asking if I felt ready to not have a single drink for next year, and I actually said, "no..." Not that I was a huge drinker mind you, just had one beer after Logan went to bed a couple times a week. Well, you all know how that pregnancy ended. A year and a half later when we finally got pregnant again, I was gladly ready to give up all forms of alcohol! I remember feeling happy the first night Dave got himself a beer and I couldn't have one. Dave himself really stopped drinking, only having a beer if we were out with friends or family.
I had no problems not drinking during the pregnancy. In fact, I had quite the number of occasions where having a few drinks would have normally been fun. 2 college friends weddings came up during my pregnancy, and many other small gatherings. I ENJOYED being the sober one.
I decided that maybe I was going to become my parents. They used to drink when they were young, but they haven't had a drink in almost 30 years.
I told Dave, I think I'll just quit drinking.
Since breastfeeding was a no-go (yes...still feeling horribly guilty about that one, so no negative comments needed) I could have had a beer or a glass of wine anytime within the last 3 weeks.
We had friends over for supper when Miles was 2 weeks old, and they all had a beer after dinner. Dave offered me one, and everyone thought it was funny when I said I wasn't ready to have any alcohol yet.
Maybe it was the after effects of being on all the drugs at the hospital and not feeling in control, or maybe it was because I had gone almost a YEAR without a drink.
I felt it had to be the right moment, and I had to be ready. Silly, huh? ready for a BEER!
Yesterday Dave and I made a pretty big purchase. We've been debating this purchase for months now, and finally decided to bite the bullet after being offered a good deal...

What do you think? I see many summer days and nights making many family memories together. Boys fishing with their daddy. Me making lunch and being in charge of sunscreen and the camera. I can't wait. Water fun!!
So, after we put Logan to bed, and Miles was sound asleep in my arms, Dave and I decided to toast our purchase with a beer. A Newcastle.
Hmmm...After a couple drinks, I must admit, I have no idea what I used to like about beer! It really wasn't good! I didn't even finish the whole thing!
We might have to try my favorite bottle of wine, and maybe I'll still have the tastebuds for that?

Let nobody tell you its easier with two?

because they are lying!
There is a lot of baby adjustment going on in the blogging world lately...Tertia,Julia, and soon we'll be reading about the life changing events from Kether.
Let me tell you a bit about MY life these days.
We'll go straight to the 4:45ish feeding this morning. Miles didn't give me any warning grunts and groans and started with the wails immediatly. I ran in, made his bottle and grabbed him and stuck the bottle in his wailing mouth as quickly as I could as to not wake up LOGAN who would think that 4:45 was a perfectly good time to get up for good. I then notice an excessive warmth exceeding his nice swaddled blanket. I come to realize that it is SOAKED! So, I put Miles on the changing table with only the nightlight as to not wake him up any further (duh!) and start to undress him, trying ever so hard to keep the bottle in his mouth, and do everything one handed. Thats when I noticed the smell of POOP. So, the wailing begins and I completely undress him change him, clean him up and REDRESS him. We then settle in for a good 45 minutes to feed him. Yes, it takes 45 minutes or more for him to eat 3oz. After a good swaddling, he looked peaceful enought to stay asleep. I happily crawled back into bed at almost 6am praying that I could fall asleep just for a few minutes before the alarm went off at 6:25. At 6:05, Logan comes in to wake me up. Lovely. 4 1/2 hrs of sleep. Not to mention that Logan has a massive cold and the way he woke me up is, "mommy...I have boogies"
Later that morning, Dave leaves for work and Miles is starting to get hungry. I still haven't gotten Logan his breakfast, so I quick make him some cinnamon toast and apples and milk. Then I make Miles bottle...a good hour passes until he's done eating and poof! its 9:30 already! Did I eat breakfast? No, but I did have 3 cups of coffee, so I guess thats good enough, huh?
Later in the morning, Logan and I are about to play trucks when Miles decides to poop...again. During Mile's late morning bottle, LOGAN decides its time to poop. Yes, it takes talent for someone to hold an infant while propping the bottle under the chin so she has at least one hand to help pull down pants and underpants. Then, trying to get Logan to balance on the too big for him stepstool and gently and slowly sit down so he doesn't fall OFF the toliet. Oh, and wiping? Yes, I can also wipe and hold and feed Miles at the same time. Great vision, huh?
THEN, when Logan and I start eating lunch, guess what? MILES decides its time to poop, yet again...
Of course, Logan goes down for his nap and guess who's hungry? So, I feed Miles and pray he eats fast so I can close my eyes for 20 minutes before Logan wakes up. Just as he finishes and looks like he could snooze with me, we settle in the couch and start to drift off until I hear footsteps upstairs. Yes, Logan is awake. No breakfast, a horsed down lunch, and no nap.
"Nap when your baby naps..." Yeah...right!
I'm lucky if I get my teeth brushed and my hair done!
So I have a sick Logan and now Miles is starting to get congested and has green boogies also. Now I'm worried about him getting RSV.
Those of you who are having your first, make sure you nap when your baby naps, because believe me, you'll need it!
I'm 3 1/2 weeks into a complete sleep deprived life. Just think, only a few months more and we MIGHT be getting some sleep around here!

What a husband should NOT to say to his postpartum wife

as she walks down in some PRE-pregnancy clothes...
"Its funny how your boobs seem to get a little bit smaller each day!"
yes, as if I didn't realize that?
"Its funny how just 2 weeks ago they were the size of my head, and now...well..."
hmmm...quite funny.
Tell me why men don't think?

First, thank you. Thank you for giving me the chance to get out some of my emotions and not be judged by them.
For those of you who posted for the first time, thank you for seeing someone who needed some encouragement and thank you for giving it to me. I've been reading some message boards with women who have gone through HELLP and have realized that what I am going through is absolutely normal and that it really does take a while to get through the emotional aspect of what happened. I'm working on it, day by day, and I know that I will get through it.
Good news is that my levels are all back to normal. My liver function is supposed to be 31-under, (2 different levels) and mine are 13 and 19. (they were 276 and 2??) My platelets are supposed to be over 150,000, mine are at 473,000!! (Most likely from the steriods I imagine which made my bone marrow produce more white platelets. At the lowest they were 43,000)
My fluid is gone behind my eyes, but my vision stands changed. I need to get new glasses, but how on earth do you take 2 children to pick out frames?
I have to find time because the headaches are killing me!
My blood pressure is a bit wacky though, Most times normal, but sometimes high. I've never experienced high blood pressure before, but I can tell when its high because I feel hot, dizzy and lightheaded. Sure enough when I take it it is high. So, at least I know when to slow down. I read that most people who have HELLP with normal blood pressure should basically count on having constant high blood pressure some day. Great. I've also read that according to this one doctor that ALL women who develop HELLP have some sort of underlying autoimmune disorder of some kind (example...lupus) that was just laying low before. I will be asking to be tested for them at my 6 week checkup.
Miles is doing great! He had his 2 week checkup last week. He was 8lbs 11oz crying and kicking and screaming at the cold scale on his back. The nurse couldn't get an accurate measurment, but that morning I had weighed myself holding him and then not holding him just for fun and he weighted 8lbs 7oz. He was 20 1/2 inches. So 75% for height and weight.
He's still up every 3 hrs to eat at night, but fooled us with a 5 hr stretch the other night. We were so hopeful the next night, but no such luck. I actually took him in today because of a goopy eye..he's got a clogged tear duct.
He's also quite the needy baby who loves to be held all the time, so I'm so glad I have my sling to keep my hands free to play with Logan and do the massive amounts of laundry that seem to be piling up.
Speaking of Logan, my sweet boy started preschool today. He's there right now. I tried, I TRIED so hard not to shed a tear, but they just came! and came and came!
I'm hoping he is doing well, and I'm SURE he is...I go pick him up in a half hour. Its ONLY two hrs, but gosh it was hard to leave him there!
We're off to a playdate right after school and then another right after nap!
Everyone hop over and congratulate Kether! Can't wait to hear the birth story and see Mr. Liam!

Guilt...

I'm having a hard time getting through the stress of my delivery. I know you might be thinking, "Jen! Its been 2 1/2 weeks! Get over it!"
But the reality is, I'm just having a hard time 'getting over it'.
I talked to one of my wisest friends today, and didn't realize all the emotion that are still there.
All the 'what if's' 'what COULD have happened'.
How you you get rid of those feelings?
Yes, what COULD have happened didn't happen. Miles is healthy, I'm getting there.
But WHAT IF....
This is what COULD have happened.
If my doctor didn't act quickly, my quickly dropping platelets would have been much lower than they were. and trust me, they were LOW enough. DANGEROUSLY low.
If I didn't go to the hospital, they wouldn't have realized that Miles heartrate was in the 190's.
If I would have waited until the afternoon like they wanted me to to go in to get checked...
Well, I'll just say it.
I could have DIED. MILES...he could have DIED.
Now, I realize that it didn't happen, and we were lucky, and GOd was watching down on us. I realize that...
but, thinking about my son Logan first. I could have left him without a mother. He wouldn't have remembered me. How much I love him. I would have just been someone people talked about in his life to show he had a mother who loved him. "Your mom died when you were 3"...oh...hmmm...
I wouldn't have watched him grow up, go to school, ride a 2 wheeler, play baseball, drive a car, go to prom, have a girlfriend, go to college, get married....you get the picture.
How could he survive without me? His MOMMY?
I feel so guilty that that COULD have happened.
Miles...My BODY could have taken him away from us. He was healthy, it was ME! It was MY problem, which in turn made it his problem. What if I would have survived, but HE wouldn't have? How would I have gone on knowing it was ME and my BODY that caused that loss. What if he has some lasting effects from what happened that we dont' know about yet. It would be MY fault. Can you understand that? MY fault!
We had Miles' 2 week appt yesterday. Again, the 3rd doctor advised me on not having any more children. That is really fine with me because we REALLY only wanted 2 children, but now that the choice isn't mine anymore its really hard for me to know that at age 27, I can't (shouldn't...) have anymore children. I wouldn't anyway. It scared the life out of me, everything that happened.
I couldn't take the chance that it could happen again and the outcome might not be so great.
So, here's my question. Have any of you ever experienced something so tramatic that you had a hard time getting over the 'what ifs'? If so, help me. What did you do to get over it?
I just can't go there, mentally in my head. My friend told me to go there. that once I do it will make it easier to go there more quickly in the future. It won't take the experience away, but it will be easier to deal with.
I think she's right, but I can't go there. Not yet anyway.
I look at my family and think that I could have been the one who destroyed it. My body. Its always my body that has issues. It was my bodys fault that I miscarried, I'm sure. It was my body's fault that we couldn't get pregnant. It was my bodys fault that I got sick. Its always me.
I'm mad at me.
I'm so greatful for Miles and Logan and Dave.
But in a way, I'm sad that they got me, with all my problems that are always popping up...

My baby and my sling

Just had to share my little peanut in my sling.
New mommy's to be...a MUST have in my book!


**this is a hotslings sling. the owner is awesome to work with and the quality is great! www.hotslings.com**

Lack of sleep means lack of creativity...

I don't know how moms of 2+ do it! With Logan, I could nap when I wanted to, when he was asleep. Miles is ALWAYS asleep, but of course LOGAN is not.
He naps for ONE hour at 12:30, and usually Miles is feeding at that time.
Dave is back at work, but he still does a night feeding which is so helpful, but I sitll wake up.
Take last night for instance. I went to bed at 10pm. Woke up at 12:30am even though it was Daves turn to feed him I still got up and changed Miles' diaper while Dave made the bottle. I was still awake when Dave came back to bed at 1:15.
4:00am...my turn to feed Miles.
He takes FOREVER to drink 3 ounces. I'm talking an HOUR! Logan was such a guzzler it was a 15-20 minute thing. Not my little Miles!
So, it was 5:10 when I crawled back into bed.
The alarm went off at 6:00am, and Dave took a shower.
I got up at 6:15, EVEN though both kids were still sleeping becuase if I don't, I don't get a shower, and I am one of those people who NEEDS a shower in the morning.
I am SO tired from getting up 3 times a night already and Miles is only 2 weeks old!
Lets hope the 3 hr feeding starts to go to 4 hrs and 5 hrs in the near future or my sleep deprived state might not make it! (kidding of course...all part of the game! And in all honesty, cuddling an extra hour with Miles is wonderful, I'd just rather it be at an hour where the SUN is up! haha)

I go in for my eye appt in a couple hrs to see if the fluid is gone.
My blurred vision is getting better, my VISION vision however is not. I can't see the clock on the stove just 15ish feet away.
They said I probably have permanent eye damage...bleh...which means I'll have to pay an arm and a leg for some new glasses...

Logan will be starting preschool NEXT tuesday and thursday mornings.
He will have circle time, SPANISH class for 30 min a day, and COMPUTER lab for 30 minutes a day. He'll also either play outside everyday or in the 'gym' (really the big basement room.
Its not the NICEST place in town, but then again, we can't really afford the nicest place in town.
We figure its a great place, and its only for 4 months until summer! Next year he'll be in the public school district.
It will be nice for him, nice for me, and nice for Miles too! Miles deserves a little one on one mommy time like Logan got. Even if it IS only a couple hrs a week.

Kether...I'm watching you! You're getting SOOOO close! Can't wait to 'meet' Mr. Liam and read all about your birth story!!

Julia had her baby! Click here to go give her some well deserved congratulations...

My pregnant friends, you might not want to read this...

I CAN SLEEP ON MY STOMACH!
PURE BLISS!
FYI~Just in case you wanted to know!

When your first born meets your second born...

I always wondered what the moment would be like when Logan met his new baby brother. Would he be sad? Confused? Cry? Hug me? Run away from the baby and I? I just had no idea what to expect, although Logan was very well aware that there was a baby coming, and that it was in mommy's tummy.
I had it all planned out to a T (or is that Tee?)
I packed a boxed cake in his suitcase so that Grandma and Logan could bake Miles a 'birthday cake' for the first time they came to the hospital. Logan picked out Miles first Teddy Bear and was going to bring it to the hospital, and Miles got Logan a 'Little Engine that Could' hardcover keepsake book. (Logan is a train-a-holic)
We were going to have a party in our room. Cake, presents, the whole nine yards.
Unfortunatly, the mag sulfate sortof ruined my plans, but I was still able to participate a little bit.
Let me tell you what happened.
Grandma called and said she was in the elevator coming up. Dave met them at the elevator and I tried to nurse a fussy Miles before they came in. Grandma waited in the waiting area and after I got all ready I called Dave's phone. I heard them coming. I was still on bedrest, and couldn't get out of the bed or barely move. (Mag sulfate makes you feel like you weigh 500 pounds, so the nurse helped move me over to the side of the bed so Logan could come in bed with me)
I heard Dave say, "Here's Logan, coming to meet his new brother" and in they came. Logan froze after 2 steps in the door. I remember talking to him, although I don't remember what I all said. All i know is that he grabbed a chair and hopped up on the bed with me. He stared at Miles. He was shy and quiet and I introduced him to Miles. He handed Miles the Teddy Bear, and then he said the first sentence, "Can I kiss him?"
And so he did...about 15 times in 10 minutes.
We cuddled in the bed together, and Logan gave me a big hug and kiss.
I remember that. Thank God I remember that.
I can't remember the minor things, but do remember the important things, and thats what counts. I wasn't able to participate in the birthday cake party, but Daddy and Logan each had a piece. I was restricted to only 10-15 minutes of visitors, so when dave's dad and my sister were on their way the party had to move to the lobby area. That meant I couldn't participate.
It was really OK at the time because I was asleep before they even left the room I believe, but I woke up when Dave ran in the room to grab the video camera. He said, "Logan is holding Miles singing 'Rock-a-bye Baby!!"
It didn't phase me at the time, but now I realize how wonderful it must have been to witness that moment. At that moment, I just remember being annoyed that I was woken up.
Its on video, but I'm not ready to watch any of that video yet.
I didn't know how I would feel watching my firstborn meeting my second born. Of course things probably would have been completely different if I was able to get out of bed and if I was not on such strong medication.
I wondered if I would cry. Would I hold on tight to Logan for an extra minute? Would I be over protective of my newborn?
The reality is, I was in awe. In awe of Logan's adjustment to a life changing event. The love in HIS eye the minute he met his brother.
The love in his eye when he gave me a hug and a kiss.
While EVERYTHING changed...nothing changed.
Logan has adjusted SO well to this new brother thing!
His behavior has gotten so much better. He's not acting out NEARLY as much as he was before, even just 3 days ago.
He STILL loves his little brother and plays such a huge role in his life already.
The new phase hasn't worn off, and I belive we're going to make it through this adjustment!!
I've never experienced love like the love I have for my children.

And now, my life has changed...

I thought I'd give an update after my ultra-emotional desperate post last week.
Things are going better. Life is going on, just as I knew it would.
I've done a little research (just a tiny bit) and while the 'cure' is delivery, not much research is done to see long term affects on people. Lots of personal stories tell me that I may see residual affects though.
My MOOD is getting much better too now that things are settling in place. Logan is being WONDERFUL with MILES, but a complete BEAR with us. Its so hard! I'm trying SO hard to remain patient and work though each issue with calmness and understanding, and for the most part I'm doing great with that, but its so hard with lack of sleep etc...and when I KNOW he knows better 99% of the time! Today though, Daddy stayed with Miles and Logan and I went out for 2 1/2 hrs shopping and then to the local pizza place for some fun and arcade games alone.(Edited...it was pointed out to me that this sounds like I went shopping and to the arcade alone...haha...that is NOT the case. LOGAN and I went out alone. I am not the kind who likes to hang at the arcade by myself...not really with Logan either, but a moms gotta do what a moms gotta do, right! Anyway, had to clarify that no, I did not leave my husband with the 2 kids while I went and played Ms. Pacman for 2 1/2 hrs!) I got about a million hugs and heard, "Mom, you're the BEST" about 10 times. I needed that, and I know he did too. I miss my buddy. I really do! We are most likely going to enroll him in 2 mornings a week preschool here really soon so he can get out of the house and meet some friends and have some big boy fun. It will be expensive, but he needs some interaction right now, and it will be good for everyone.
Breastfeeding is a no-go. I'm not breastfeeding, I'm not pumping and feeding my boobs are shrinking back down to their regular small size...I decided that we were lucky enough to make it out the way we did, and that I needed time for my body and mind to heal. I needed to get rid of one stress factor, and that was a MAJOR stress factor to me. I talked to my doctor, and he totally made me feel OK with the situation (i was upset with myself...of course). He told me that he hasn't seen a patient (remember he's only a GP) who's had such a tramatic experience EVER yet in L&D(he's only like 31-32) and he is just proud of me for what I've accomplished so far. And then he went on to tell ME that I should be proud of me too. I must say, I am...
I keep reliving the delivery and labor, and really am trying to be OK with how everything went. It went 100% completely different than I ever imagined. But, now I have 2 completely different labor stories for each child!
Oh, and do you THINK I was retaining water? From the day I delivered to TODAY, I am 26lbs lighter! 26 POUNDS! I only have 6 lbs to get to my pre-preg weight!
I'm actually wearing JEANS right now! (I had to remember to zip them up instead of the elastic waist!)
Miles had his 1 week checkup yesterday and he is back up to 7lbs10oz. One ounce shy of his birthweight!
HELLP can cause growth restriction in pregnancy due to placenta issues, and I have a feeling he's going to be a big boy JUST like his brother was once he starts gaining! (not that he isn't normal size, but smaller than we all thought....) Remember, although I know they are off sometimes, he was estimated at 7lbs 4oz at 36 weeks, and was only born 7lbs 11oz at 40w2d.
A little memory from L&D. My nurse. I can't remember her name, but she was my angel that day. She was calm and so professional, yet so caring.
She knew how upset I was about not getting an epidural (ok, maybe the whole floor knew by my constant begging for pain meds and begging for them to turn down the pitocen) and she kept me focused. In Logan's labor, I needed Dave. I needed his touch, his eyes, I needed to feel him with me right there. This time, I needed to KNOW he was there, but he could NOT touch me. NOTHING could touch me. I was bedbound during labor due to the IV's in both arms. One giving me mag sulfate, as well as pitocen and one other drug I can't remember. The other was for my platelet transfusion. I had 2 monitors on my abdomen. All I could do during each contraction was turn to my left and TRY to breath through the contractions. TRY. sometimes I succeeded, and sometimes the pain was too much and brought me to screams and tears. I was violently shaking during 5-7cm and couldn't find a calm spot to recouperate during contractions. My nurse, she helped me more than she knows. She gently and quietly guided me though each contraction, she helped me breath, she told me when it was at its peak and when it was coming down. She gave me a wet washcloth while Dave gave me icechips...or I should say CHIP because I could only have like 10 chips an hour due to restrictions from the mag sulfate. It was her who knew the baby was coming. I think I knew, but she KNEW. She asked if I was getting pushy and just knew by my face. It was her who called the docs in running when Miles was crowning and coming out. it was her when I was screaming my head off in pain that locked eyes with me and told me if I push ONE time really hard it would be over. I locked eyes with her and did it.
It was her who gave me shot after shot to stop the postpartum hemmorage that I was having, and it was her who I cried to to turn off the pitocen after delivery when I knew she couldn't.
It was her who talked the doc into letting me hold Miles for 2 minutes before taking him away due to my seizure threshold being so low.
She helped me get through it all. Without her...if I had a different nurse...who knows if I could have done it. She was patient, kind and wonderful.

pictures of my beautiful babe...

Processing...

We are now home, not after another trip to the ER yesterday. I was (am) still having blurry vision and headaches. Was told to immediately go in. Apparently, the HELLP has caused me to have fluid in my eyes...and my vision has changed quite a bit.
But today, we are home, and we are doing well.
Trying to at least.
Trying to keep everything the same so the transition for Logan is as easy as possible.
Its going well.
I'm exhausted, even though I have the best husband who is doing way more than his fair share.
I'm really affected by what all transpired on Monday.
I'm still processing it all.
I haven't watched any video of the day after labor yet because I literally can't remember anything, and to see it (the small amt we have) is a bit scary for me.
The whole severity of HELLP and what can happen, what COULD have happened, and what DID happen is something that I'm just having a hard time swallowing.
There are many positive things about this, and the first and foremost is that Miles was term.
I have so much to say, and I really have so much to add about my labor and delivery. The medication, the almost seizure activity, the platelet's transfusion, the severity on the doctors faces, the talk about it being a really bad idea to every have anymore children, and I could go on and on. I already can't remember a lot of what happened, so what I do remember, I want written.
I hope you don't mind listening to me as I process everything.
For those of you in blog land, I know there are new births...and a huge congratulations to you! I'm sure there are more to come VERY soon.
For those of you who are going through hard times, I'm thinking about you too.
I'll do my best to check in with you all in the very near future.
Until then, thank you for your well wishes. I know there have been many emails, and I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to them yet. I promise, I appreciate them all, and will get back to them as soon as I can!
Miles is doing great, although we have a few concerns regarding HELLP and some issues we are feeling (although we could just be those 'new parents' who make things worse than what they are!)
I'll post pictures as soon as I can find the time to actually get on the computer, save the pictures, resize them, host them, and post them....lots of work!
But I can't wait to share the pictures of my little man! My 2nd little man!
I'm so blessed!

Miles Andrew, and our delivery with HELLP

I'm still in the hospital, but I wanted to quick write...
On Monday I finally called the doc because I was so sick. (Stomach pain, vomiting, nausea, fatigue) and went in at 11:00 for an appt. He thought it was probably my gallbladder due to the spot of the major pain. He took labs and then He sent me to an ultrasound at 1:30 where my gallbladder looked fine. He was paged the results and then Dave talked to him on the phone and said even though the results were normal, SOMETHING was wrong. The doc mentioned something coming back abnormal on the labs and that he wanted me to get checked in for a couple of days and he was going to contact an OB (hes a GP).
So, we get up to the floor where I'm admitted and that was at 2:30. The get me on the monitors and the babies heartrate was pretty high (180's-190's) and I was having light contractions every 5 min.
All of a sudden this doctor comes in and explains that although my blood pressure has always been fine, I have no protein in my urine and my swelling is minimal I have what is known as HELLP syndrome (due to my labs)
She explains that it is a very severe case and we needed to get the baby out very soon. It was so scary! So we talked about the chance that I would get a c-sect in the next hour (completely sedated) if my body didn't start up labor with breaking water and pitocen. I told her I wanted an epi, and then she explained my lab results. My white blood platelet count was supposed to be 150+ and mine was 56! What these do is clot your blood. Anything under 70 and they can't do an epi due to the chance of paralyzation. I bawled my eyes out!! Anything under 50 and the can't do surgery. So, I was immediately given a platelet transfusion and do you know what that did to my numbers? it brought them to 43! She said anything close to 10 and I would be in the ICU. I was also immediately started on Magnesium sulfate and let me tell you, THAT is no fun! Luckily labor was really progressing and girls...never in my life did I think I could have a natural childbirth. I did NOT want it...I was so upset and begged and begged for drugs. It went so fast and I went from 7cm to DELIVERY of Miles in 5 minutes. They said it is the body's defense mechanism to save the mother. I was screaming in pain! I didn't push, my BODY pushed! It was THEE strangest thing. 1 tiny push that I tried to stop and then one BIG push and he flopped out! BARELY a doctor in the room because it happened so fast. The bed wasnt' broke down or anything. Noone had gloves or masks or scrubs on! It just happened! (9:54pm)
Miles Andrew was fine!! That GOD! He was 7lbs 11oz and 20 inches long. I had 2nd degree tears and wasn't out of the woods yet. I started bleeding really hard and was given some shots to stop that. They wouldn't let me hold Miles as they were afraid of a seizure. I was continued on the Mag. Sulfate and was given steroids (still am on steroids) to make my bone marrow work harder to produce more while blood platelets (I think!)
After a scary couple hr wait the plan was Mag. Sulfate for a min of 24 hrs after delivery. (I'll have to explain later the side effects of that) I was already in the room I am now, and could barely function. Dave and my nurses were great!
I have more to share, but here it is almost 7am. I've been off the mag since 10pm last night and am starting to feel much different. I just got my catheter off. The had to monitor my liquids (I only got 70cc's an hour...it was so barbaric to make a woman deliver and not give her liquids after but a real problem could have been water in the lungs, pulmonary (sp?) edema. I now can eat/drink. (I couldn't eat either. I haven't eaten since Sunday!) I'm on steroids for the remainder of the day to boost my platelets. As of last night they are climbing at 83! woohoo!
My liver functioning (not sure exactly what its called) was supposed to be around 30, mine was over 200! Not sure what that is meaning either. I'm really foggy over everything, and starting to help remember with Dave's help.
Heres a link about HELLP that I found, but this is the only thing I've had the energy to do. HELLPI'm waiting for my first bite of food that should be coming up soon.
That goodness everything appears to be going to be fine. The 'cure' is delivery, so we're there! I'll tell you all about my prince Miles when I get home, (probably Friday) but I wanted to do a little research on these levels while Im waiting for breakfast and Dave and Miles are napping.
I'll write when i get home, OK? Please pray labs stay well, and we stay healthy!

just a quick check in...

yes, I'm still here. I'm officially overdue. Yay for a job well done, don't you think?
40 full weeks.
I'm proud of my body!
That said, lets get on with the show!
Really, its been a hard week. For some reason, I'm getting really sick at night.
Every other night it seems. Last night was night number 3. (really 5 because the 2 nights in between I wasn't sick)
I wake up around midnight with HORRIBLE cramps. I guess its like gas pressure that has no where to go. I can't sit, lay, stand, crawl or do anything without being in horrible pain! Then, after about 2 hrs the vomiting begins. Last night was so bad I thought I'd burst a blood vessel or something.
The first night we went to L&D and was told I had a stomach bug. But now, seeing its coming every other night, I"m assuming its not a stomach bug.
I'm up for a minimum of 4 hours. Freaking out. Taking a bath or a shower or trying to find a place where the pain isn't so bad. Alone as I don't want to keep Dave up and REALLY don't want to wake up Logan.
Its not easy. I'm a baby when I'm sick and I get scared being sick when I'm pregnant. What if the pressure is hurting the baby? What if the vomiting is hurting the baby?
Getting no sleep isn't working for me either. Literally last night I had 2 hrs of sleep.
Any ideas on what you think could be happening?
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Happy new year to everyone! Mine was just great! I was IN BED by 9:30, asleep shortly after (because the night before I got no sleep due to being sick) and Logan actually slept until 7:30. I only got up 3 times to use the bathroom! Do the math people! That's a GREAT night sleep!
I had no toast at midnight...didn't watch the ball drop...actually went to bed and left Dave watching the movie we rented. (Which I finished yesterday...Man on Fire...Good movie!)
Life is so different when you get 'old'! haha!
Well, I'm off to try to nap while Dave is out with Logan for a couple hrs.
I hate hate hate feeling sick when I know that at the most, I only have 5 more days with just me and Dave and my little man. Don't even get me started there.
I'm going to be asking moms of more than one some advice here soon. So, if you are a mom of more than one, stay tuned. My heart is just aching at the emotions that are coming into play at the end here.

So, if by some small chance I go into labor before I update next, I'll update you from the hospital if I can figure it out! Dave has to bring his laptop anyway for work purposes...just in case...so I'll try to figure it all out!

Again, happy new year everyone!