so, as I was giving the kids their baths tonight...(thee longest post in history)

I felt every ounce of emotions come out.

Logan's MRI went very well. I mean, it went better than we would have ever thought possible. No growth in the last year. No growth period. And, because it has been so long with no growth, the doctor changed his prognosis. His chance used to be 75% chance of not needing surgery ever. Pretty good, no? Well, today we were told it was a 99% chance of NEVER needing surgery. We don't even need another MRI for 5 years!
I'm sure you can imagine what we felt like leaving the hospital.
Overwhelming joy.

So, take that back to the baths.
I started this blog almost 2 yrs ago. Can you believe it? It started with my struggle to overcome secondary infertility. I believe I had been trying for 17 months when I started.
This blog has seen me though so much.
Here is a piece from post from Jan 2004:

Well, the wait is over and again, I'm not pregnant...
I have so many emotions right now...
ANGER! I'm SO pissed off!
I'm MAD that all of this played with my head so much!
I'm mad that I made myself get false hopes again!
I'm SAD........so very sad!
Sad just doesn't quite cut it.
I'm DEVASTATED!
I even talked to my tummy today as if there was a baby in it, but no...no baby...NOTHING!
I'm MAD at my body and how it just seems to always be broken!
I'm tired..........
sick and tired...
jealous.....
sick....
so sad...

It started when I was in deep depression. I hated everything that was happening with my body. I should have started it before I did, but I didn't think I'd have much to write about (um..2 yrs later).
I wrote about doctors, clomid, tests, temps, friendships lost, hurtful words, feeling alone and angry and all the CRAP that goes along with TTC. I talked about IVF, and I talked about adoption.

I had a lot to talk about.
Then, the amazing day came where I got to post this.
Then came of course the excitement, and the fear of early pregnancy; the feelings that go along with finally getting pregnant after a loss and s.infertility.

Fast forward a bit to when we found out Miles would be joining us.

Pregnancy continued relatively normal, give or take a few scares. I had to put into perspective that I really was going to have a baby!
Looking back, it's quite eerie reading this post.
Knowing know that it was HELLP setting in, it's so strange to read. I should have delivered Miles by this point. I remember the morning I wrote this. I had no business sitting on the computer. I hadn't even been able to get out of bed for days. I was so very sick. I needed answers. I read horror stories and looked at my baby with shock and awe.
I had to digest what happened, and physically heal.
Then came early motherhood, and me finally letting it all out.
I blogged about some baby firsts, vacations, and moving forward with the 'no more children' thing. I blogged about finally connecting with Miles.

So here I am.
Mom of two.
One almost 4 and one almost 10mo.
There will be no more children in this family, at least birthed by me.
I will not be going through anything remotely as interesting as infertility, HELLP, or early motherhood.
I am done with the most controversial and interesting things that motherhood brings you.

Which brings me back to the bathtub.
I have what I always dreamed of having.
Sure, I'm still dealing with what I will always claim as 'worlds grumpiest baby', but life is good these days people.
I'm 99% healthy (still dealing with abnormal clotting from the HELLP, but optimistic it will be better soon)
My husband is healthy,
My children (as we found out today) are healthy, or close enough in my book.

I'm living my dream...right now.
I don't think I have anything else to blog about.
My life is complete.

It started off as a place to come where I could let it all out and not feel like I needed a response. I felt like no one HAD anymore responses.
It became a place for me to sort through my feelings.
It grew into a place for me to share my family and ask for support.

I think it's done it's job!
It's funny, because I feel like the therapy is over.
I'm ready to just live now.