Miles first trip to the ER :(

Logan's had the diarhhea for a couple days, not ALL the time, but once or twice a day.
Miles got it. He also got a fever of 101.6.
The doc had me take him straight to the ER.
First, my chunker weighed in at 13lbs 6oz!
His fever had already gone down, but they had to do blood work (2 hands, 3 pokes each, LOTS of crying from Miles and Mommy) and then a urine sample...through a cathedar...through his pee-pee...:(:(
Awful to watch.
My poor poor peanut.
The labs came back that he is anemic. This could be because of the virus he's contracted or because of chronic low iron anemia (but he eats full iron formula, so I'm hoping its purely from the virus)
He has to have blood drawn in a week. His 2 month appt is next monday, so he'll have 3 shots AND blood drawn.
I wish I could spoil him with a treat afterwards, but it looks like mommy's arms will have to do the trick...
He's doing OK today. Finally eating again. He wanted nothing to do with the formula but drank the pedialyte like a champ.
Its been a long night of no sleep for anyone but Logan, so I'm signing off to TRY to nap while the boys are napping.
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CHRISTINES in LABOR!!!
Go leave her a message of good luck!
What do you think Charm is? A boy or a girl?
I still think boy!
We'll see!!

I had a whole post planned for today...

that is until I read this brilliant post...go read!!
Noone could have posted it better!
Yes, I give my son apple juice.
I sometimes don't force the glove issue(its really hard people to get a 3 yr old to wear them when he knows full well he won't really be able to use his hands until they are off) but to make up for that...in a joking tone...he DOES wear a hat a scarf and a big coat. I didn't breastfeed...wanted to, but didn't. Does that mean I shouldn't have been a mother?
ooooh! I have one up on the apple juice...I feed my son KRAFT MAC N CHEESE! And even eat it myself! Oh the horror!

You never think you will become your mother...

But I'm here to tell you, I have BECOME my mother...

Case in point.
Logan comes up to me with a dime he found.
"LOOK mom! A PENNY!" he says.
I say, "COOL! But you know what? That isn't a penny, its a DIME!"
"NO ITS NOT" (In his super crabby I know everything voice)
"Yep" I say CHEERFULLY, "Its a dime!"
"But MOM! DIMES are BROWN!" in the same 'i know everything voice'.
Now, I could have just let it go, but I didn't.
"Nope Honey, its cool you found some money, but that coin is a dime."
Thats when I said it, "You should listen to your mommy, I know more than you think I do" After I said it I just had to laugh.
Then he went to go potty.
I said, "You better leave that dime on the table in the bathroom so it doesn't fall in."
"It wont fall IN"...2 minutes later I hear tears, "I'm OK mommy...I'm sorry...are you big happy with me?"
"Logan, wheres the dime?"
"It fell in the potty Mommy, and I'm so very sad about that"

I survived the death trap

The dreaded MRI was yesterday (Mia! We had them the same day!)
They gave me a valium to take to help with the feeling like I was going to die from lack of oxygen...or maybe that I was somehow going to get stuck in there...or possibly that It would collapse on me when I was in the tube...you know, any of the irrational thoughts that goes through a claustrophobic's head.
The only thing is, I felt NOTHING from the pill. Like it could have been sugar for all I know. Maybe it was!
I walked in the room and saw the death trap. I was so nervous. The woman knew I was scared and asked if I wanted any questions answered first. I asked if they had to tape down my head (they do for Logan's MRI's and Catscans, so I was assuming they would) and she said, "um...well...no...not really" and proceeds to take out this face mask! Like one a hockey player would wear! It snapped into place OVER MY FACE. I tried so very hard to remain calm, but the tears just started coming. She told me she could get a washcloth to put over my eyes, but then I thought that would freak me out even more in case I WANTED to look but then I had a washcloth being held down by a HOCKEY mask!
I took a deep breath and laid down. She gave me the headphones and I picked my channel. Then the mask came on. I had a hard time breathing. silly, isn't it? I often wonder what people who are NOT claustrophic think of people who are. Rationally I know I can breath, I know that there won't just be a shortage of oxygen in a tube that is OPEN on both ends, but at that time, you're just not rational!
I closed my eyes and tried to focus on breathing.
I knew I was going in the tube and they told me the first scan would happen in about 2 minutes. I decided to keep my eyes closed through the whole thing, but then at a moment of weakness I caved and opened my eyes.
What a mistake! I didn't realize that the top of the tube was almost touching my freaking NOSE! It took all I had not to panic. Literally...
But...I did it.
I made it through the complete MRI.
Barely!
They only had to redo one part because apparently I moved a tiny bit.
now I will get the results either Friday or next week.
The doctor that will get the results isn't the most attentive doctor, so I'm thinking next week.
Even thinking about yesterday makes me breath heavy! haha!
Such a wimp I am!

Its amazing what dinner will do for you

Dave and I got 2 whole hours away from the kids last night!
2 HOURS! Do you realize how huge that is! (I know you do!!)
We got a gift card to the Olive Garden for Christmas, and of course haven't been able to use it yet.
We went, explained to the waitress that we were in NO hurry and that we were going to take our sweet time. Explained the whole first time out without a child type thing and she was so nice.
We ordered a bottle of wine and let me tell you...YUM!
We ate and ate and ate! (and drank and drank and drank!) Even had this Chocolate cake type dessert that was so SO good!
We talked about things other than our children! Sure, we talked about them some (OK, a lot!) but we also talked about music, travel, where we want to go for our 5th anniversary this year. We looked into each others eyes (the tired bloodshot eyes, but hey! We pretended we weren't overly tired!)
We felt like we saw a glimpse of who we were, once upon a time ago!
Parenting is the most wonderful thing in the world, don't get me wrong, but you seriously give up most parts of yourself. At least that happened to me. I never thought it would. Sure I still savor some things. Example...music in our cars. We do NOT listen to childrens music in the car. My car has an endless supply of Dave Matthews. Logan knows the songs and even has his favorites. He sings along to most of them. I won't give up my car trips to Barney, Elmo and most definitely the Wiggles.
However, a lot of myself has fallen away from 'Jen' to 'Mommy'...or 'Ma' for short if you remember my post about that;). I'm trying hard to pull more of 'Jen' out of the closet, and hope that as time goes on I can do that.
Last night made me feel as if I can start doing that!!
I felt so ALIVE(or maybe the wine was just helping that along!)
We came home to an overly tired Logan and an overly cranky Miles. The funny thing is, it didn't stress me out one bit! I gladly dove in a played super mommy and got Logan all nestled in his bed after 3 books, and Miles nestled in my arms to polish off a bottle. Its so true what they say about a happy parent makes for a happy child.
Oh how I wish we could do it every week.
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I'm feeling MUCH less stressed about my MRI (the results, not the procedure) as I found a HELLP website and asked the women on it if they experienced the memory loss symptoms etc. that I did and YES! Most of them did! I'm so relieved to hear that. Now, in a WAY its pretty cool that I'm going to know if there is anything funky going on in my brain, isn't it? I know that when Logan had his first MRI it gave me much relief to know exactly the extent of his cyst etc...I'll be happy to know if my brain is A-OK, or if there is anything funky inside. Who knows how long it will take to get the info though.
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Tomorrow I'm having lunch with a fellow blogger in my bloglist! Carrie, can't wait to meet you and your little munchkin!
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I even get to go this afternoon for a haircut and eyebrow wax! TWO outings in two days! So good for the soul! I've ordered this workout/weightloss program and it should be here any day. I can't wait to start it. It is a 90 workout program. 6 days a week, but the video's are only about 36 minutes a piece. Their website has a message board area to get support from others in your shoes and I've been scoping out the before/after shots and am SO SUPER excited to be able to possibly wear a swimsuit in our new boat without feeling self conscience! I've lost all my pregnancy weight, no I need to lose the pregnancy jiggle! I'll keep you updated along my journey!

A whole lot of random

I think Julia summed it up pretty well in her last paragraph...I feel like I have so much more to post than just 'mommy' stuff, but when the time comes for me to sit on the computer and actually type only 'mommy' stuff comes to mind. (Not that I'm apologizing either, mind you...) Could be because that is about all there is to me right now. (reminds me, I'd like to do a post about losing myself and what I can do to find the real me again...) it could be because even after 6 weeks, I'm still at the beginning of figuring out how to handle two (although I'm totally getting there...) It could be because I'm feeling guilty that I can't look back on the birth of Miles the way I can with the birth of Logan so I'm feeling guilty about posting that (I really want to and will soon, promise!)
It also could be because everytime I sit to type, I have to do it one handed. (Speaking of...any 2+ parents find your second child is MUCH more needy than your first? I'm really finding that to be the case, as did a good friend of mine. Wondering if it is because with your first, you can give 100% of you, but with your second, you only have so much...maybe they feel that and are trying to get more from us? God I hope not, but its a theory!! What do you think. Oh, and another question...anyone have any tips on getting a baby to sleep in other places than your ARMS! We swaddle, rock, and he actually sleeps IN his carseat IN his crib. We canNOT co-sleep. Just not an option. He does pretty good at night, but during the DAY he won't nap anywhere else but my arms! I put him down...cry! I put him in his carseat...cry! In the swing...CRY! In the playpen...well, you get the idea! HELP!)
Anyway, there is more to me and I promise there will be some insightful posts soon to come.
Until then, I'm sure you realize that I can't figure out how big to save my pictures to show them here...lets see how big THIS one is!
Miles' first smile that we could actually catch with the camera! :)

OK all you english people. I've been trying to figure this out... is it MILES' or MILES'S (no! thats not right!!!) and do you say, MILES picture or MILES-ES picture...NO! That isn't right! YOu would think that by being his mom for 6 weeks now I would know this, but I never realized this would be an issue! I used to think English was something I enjoyed and was good at, but criminy! I can't even say or spell my son's name right in plural! Oy! What do you think...am I so stupid or what?

I appreciate...

Dave,

I appreciate how hard you work without complaining...ever...I'll try my hardest to do less complaining...

I appreciate your motivation in life...As much as I try, I'll never have the drive that you do...you amaze me

I appreciate how you never complain about what we are having for dinner, even if it's pancakes...I'll do my best to have the energy start cooking better again...

I appreciate when you make my coffee for me...I wish someday you will enjoy a cup with me...

I appreciate the love I see you have for you sons...it couldn't be more obvious...I love watching you and Logan playing tackle, and when you take a nap with Miles, I fall in love with you all over again...

I appreciate the love you have for me...There is never a doubt in my body, even when I'm an emotional basketcase, that you love me...

I appreciate the fact that you never overreact towards me, even when I totally overreact towards you...and GOSH do I need to work harder at this...thank you for understanding that I'm just an over reactor!

I appreciate your love for travel and the world...and thank you for making ME love travel and the world.

I appreciate your laid back approach on life...You are the one who keeps us grounded, I'm trying to learn from you. I'll try harder!

I appreciate how you sacrifice everything to make sure your family has what it needs...I really mean this Dave. I wish sometimes we had more simply so you could go out and spoil YOURSELF. You deserve it!

I appreciate your respect and kindness towards my family...you know they look at you as their own child also.

I appreciate it when you cheer me on with every new thing in life that I decide I want to become or do...and I promise, one of my wacky ideas WILL happen! Maybe even my pottery store idea! Wouldn't you flip! :)

I appreciate the fact that you can still love me after 9 years of my attitude...and I still love you after 9 years of your dirty socks in the livingroom floor! *wink*

I appreciate you...I love you...Happy Valentines Day...

A little bit about my Miles...

I haven't really done this yet, so I wanted to take the quick moment while he is snoozing (honest! I'm not lying! :)
Miles...a tie for the cutest baby in the world. (tied with my Logan, of course!)
He's growing like a weed already! He's not that newborn image anymore.
He's getting chubby little legs and a double chin...
He's holding his head SO well when we put him on our shoulder...
He watches everything...
He smells amazing...
His feet...omg...his feet....I can't even tell you how precious they are...
He loves to squeeze my arm in close when I'm feeding him his bottle...I love it. (bottle feeders DO bond...I promise you that!)
He calms down for his mommy...such an honor...
He already is amazed at his brother and watches him in awe (or in fear...who knows?)
He snores, its precious, really!
He looks great in blue...
He has RED hair! RED hair! Isn't that funny! We didn't want to name a redhead Miles, but at about 2 weeks of age, it was apparent that HE was a REDHEAD like his mommy!
He's a crab! No lie! He loves to cry. The only way he WON'T cry is if he's held. He won't sleep unless he's held. Logan was just the opposite, so this is a new thing...but I know soon he won't WANT to be held, so I'm trying to love it up...Exhausting...but great none the less...
Do you want to see what he is doing right now??

My little sling baby...now imagine that precious snoring...awwww!

Doing something REALLY cheesy...

please don't run away...I just have to do it...

My neighbor gave me the Celiene Dion 'Miracle' CD along with a gift for Miles and Logan. Im not the biggest fan, but if you are, or will be a parent...BUY THE CD!

Here are two LOVELY songs (which the music makes them more perfect, so again...get it!)

I can and have cried listening to some of these songs...

IF I COULD

If I could
I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes
Give you courage in a world of compromise
Yes, I would

If I could
I would teach you all the things I've never learned
And I'd help you cross the bridges that I've burned
Yes, I would

If I could
I would try to shield your innocence from time
But the part of life I gave you isn't mine
I've watched you grow
So I could let you go

If I could
I would help you make it through the hungry years
But I know that I can never cry your tears
But I would
If I could

If I live
In a time and place where you don't want to be
You don't have to walk along this road with me
My yesterday
Won't have to be your way

If I knew
I'd have tried to change the world I brought to you to
And there isn't very much that I can do
But I would
If I could...
Oh baby... mummy wants to protect you
And help my baby through the hungry years
It's part of me
And if you ever... ever need
Sad shoulder to cry on
I'm just someone to talk to
I'll be there... I'll be there
I didn't change your world
But I would
If I Could!


MIRACLE
You´re my life´s one Miracle,
Everything I´ve done that´s good
And you break my heart with tenderness,
And I confess it´s true
I never knew a love like this till you....

You´re the reason I was born
Now I finally know for sure
And I´m overwhelmed with happiness
So blessed to hold you close
The one that I love most
With all the future has so much for you in store
Who could ever love you more?

The nearest thing to heaven,
You´re my angel from above
Only God creates such perfect looooove

When you smile at me, I cry
And to save your life I´ll die
With a romance that is pure heart,
You are my dearest part
Whatever it requires,
I live for your desires
Forget my own, needs will come before
Who could ever love you more?

Well there is nothing you could ever do,
To make me stop, loving you
And every breath I take,
Is always for your sake
You sleep inside my dreams and know for sure
Who could ever love you more?

6 week checkup

I typed this all this morning and then blogger went down...frustrating! So here I am doing it again!

I had my checkup yesterday. The Dr was very nice and wanted to make sure I understood everything that happened. She wanted me to know that I was classified under the most severe level of HELLP syndrome (there are 3) and that I was in a "life threatening situation". She said it was important that I understand that, as it makes it easier to 'swallow'...frankly, I don't think it will ever be easy to 'swallow'.
She said that my chances are much higher of a repeat case seeing I was considered stage 1. We know we were done before this, but the funny thing is when you are told you shouldn't have anymore...it makes you want more! (but then you realize how sleep deprived you are with TWO, and.........haha)
We talked about my memory loss. She said that during labor it is your body's way of defense. She said, "trust me, I was there...and it wasn't fun! Be glad you don't remember" Well, I'm not glad.
When I told her all the memory problems I'm still having to this day she got this funny look on her face and asked me specifics.
I can't remember what Logan had for lunch yesterday...
what he wore to school on Tuesday...
What time or days I have appts unless I look at the calendar every day...
EVERYTHING...and I mean even a few hours ago is fogged. I can remember, but not details.
She then left to call my regular doc. The one that couldn't do the delivery due to the severity of the situation.
She came back and explained that some women who have HELLP have 'mini strokes'...MINI STROKES.
I'm scheduled for an MRI next monday(not valentines day..the next week)
Both Doctors think I may have HAD a mini stroke.
A stroke people...
I believe it may be medical leftovers from hellp along with sleep deprivation, but I guess we'll wait and see.
I'm nervous though, not only of the results but of the procedure itself.
I'm claustrophobic. It will take 30-45 minutes in the tube.
I'm more nervous of that than I am of the results.
So, that is the latest on me...
I have some cute Miles posts started and saved. I can't wait to have a minute to finish them so you can hear more about my sweet little boy!! Let me just tell you this, he smells oh SO good(even with milk crusted on his face) and has the cutest most precious little feet you have EVER seen...EVER!

Top three reasons parents of small children get divorced...

3. One spouse has an affair...enough said.
2. Not enough money causes too much tension and both people can't take it anymore...
and the number 1 reason parents of small children get divorced is...

LACK OF SLEEP IN THE FIRST FEW MONTHS!

At least, if Dave and I are going to get divorced, THIS will have to be the reason! We've NEVER disagreed as much as we are now!
And the funny thing is, it is ALL about sleep!
Who gets more, who has to get up when, who has it worse with lack of sleep...
He thinks he does because he has to GO to work. Sit in a cube...talk on the phone...NEVER deal with any public, only the other 8 people who work in his building.
I think I have it worse because once I"m up, I'm up with 2 kids who are 100% needing of me! They can't eat/poop/play/sleep without me...I never can just turn off my brain ever. (as I type this, Miles is in his bouncy letting me know that I shouldn't take a break...he's pooping! haha! Such is life)
Not only do I 'work' while Dave is at work, but it is a full from the time I get up to the time I go to bed (joke!) job!
Cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, the list goes on and on.
So, what do we do? ARGUE! ONLY about sleeping!
We're both SO FRICKING tired!
Not only is Miles 5 1/2 weeks old...so that is 5 1/2 weeks of no sleep...I was deathly ill the week before his birth awake for at least 3 hrs a night...so 6 1/2 weeks. THEN, the last 2 months or more of pregnancy I was up at lest 3 times a night to use the bathroom and hell if I could get comfortable. Not to mention the times that Logan woke me up.
I'm going on MONTHS without a full nights sleep!
If we don't get divorced after this, we will be able to make it through ANYTHING!!!!
--
FYI~I'm totally kidding about getting divorced...incase any of you needed that...
Had to come back to add I realize this is completely childish to fight about something that is completly out of our control, but people...since 2:30am, I've had 1.5 hrs of sleep. It is 8:30 now...I'm tired and grumpy!

God bless the pediatricians in the world...

Logans been sick for about 2 weeks straight with a head cold, intermittent fever, sore throat. Typical cold stuff...but its not going away. I took him in today and his doctor did a good job at making Logan comfortable by goofing around a little etc...I love how he does that.
So, he decides that we should do a strep test. You know the drill...2 swabs rubbing the hell out of your throat. I HATE that test! Especially when you already have a sore throat!
WELL, what started as a simple test turned into quite the fiasco!
He did the test, and Logan was so upset. He started rubbing his tongue and about dove into me. I had Miles though, so I couldn't grab him off the table. Then, it happened...PUKE!
EVERYWHERE! On the table, on the DOCTOR, then the doctor took him to the sink where he proceeded to puke in the sink. When we thought he was done, he put him down where he again puked on the floor AND my shoes...and finished the job in the garage can.
Quite the test, huh?
Do you know what the result was?
NEGATIVE
Just a 'treat the symptoms' diagnosis...
Can I honestly say that not only do I remember very little of the delivery...this first month is quite the blur also!
Carrie, aren't you glad I opted out today? haha!
Happy 5 weeks today Miles! Oh yeah...he's starting to SMILE!!!

A special day today

today was Miles baptism!
It's still so surreal that he is here, he is mine, and he isn't going anywhere! When we were up at the baptismal fount, I got tears in my eyes when the pastor was talking. I couldn't help it! I felt so blessed! It was as God was telling me that finally I can believe that all is OK!
It has been a hard couple years for me and my husband. I've all but given up God until lately. After my delivery, it was as if God wanted me to know that he was still there. I felt it today.
It was such a special moment. I'll never forget it!
He didn't cry, in fact he did as most babies do...slept!
My brother was the God Father, Dave's sister was the Godmother.
After the service we all came over for breakfast. It was a good morning!
It is sortof funny, baptism in the morning...FOOTBALL all the rest of the day!
Now I get to listen to my husband and brother yell at the TV and try teaching Logan about football!
Am I ready for a house full of boys for the rest of my life?!

Picture time...

Miles has a special gift...

of knowing EXACTLY when I have something to do. He'll cry his head off unless I carry him constantly...when I have NOTHING to do, he'll sleep peacefully. :)
Guess which one he's doing now as I'm trying to get ready for company? Then guess which one he'll be doing when my company comes over to my messy house? :)

The generosity...

We have been receiving quite a few gifts lately from family members and friends and neighbors.
I'm so greatful! We are getting some PRETTY cute outfits for Mr. Miles! :)
But what shocked me is how generous people are to include LOGAN in the gifts! I think almost everyone has not only gotten MILES a gift, but a small gift for Logan too, so as he doesn't feel left out of the gift process.
Its amazing how kind people can be! Although, he sure has been spoiled this last month:), its been nice to see Logan excited to see not only what HE got, but what Miles got too!
Honestly, I wouldn't have thought about that. For people that I have given new baby gifts to that had children...I didn't get the other child anything.
I will now!
Speaking of neighbors,
How close are your houses to each other?
We have really nice neighbors. No major complaints at all! HOWEVER...they do something that I think just crosses the line.
I was home alone with Miles saturday late afternoon/evening. It was getting dark/almost dark so the lights were on. Miles was fussy so I was walking around the livingroom bouncing him trying to calm him down. Something out the window got my attention and I looked up and there are my neighbors with their little child WAVING at me through THEIR windows!
Am I wrong? Is this not crossing the line?