apparently, it isn't normal

to have the contractions coming every two minutes for about an hour and then every 5 minutes for a few hours after that.
Hmmm...ya think?
That is what happened last night. I honestly wasn't TOO worried due to my most recent u/s findings of my 4cm cervix.
PLUS, seeing I've been contracting so much, I assumed there was nothing different going on. It was more so just uncomfortable.
Well, after Dave gave up trying to get me to the hospital (I figured we'd call his mom to come sit at our house while Logan was sleeping, and we'd drive the 25 minutes there only for them to stop right when they hooked me up.) I promised him I'd call first thing this morning.
I am being started on nifedipine today. I'm not sure of the dosage yet, I have to pick it up after Logan wakes up from his nap.
Hopefully this will calm down the contractions (which I REALLY think is nothing more than uterine irritablity) and then we can relax a bit more.
The big bummer for Logan and myself is the restrictions I've been placed on. Dave has to travel, yet again, next week for 3 nights, 3 days. We were going to go with him. He got a suite, a great pool in the hotel, we were going to eat on the company..shhh! But, the doctor nixed it right away. The nurse said however that at my appt on Monday he might change his mind if the contractions were under control this weekend with the meds. His reasoning, of course, is if I were indeed to go into labor I'd be 2 1/2 hrs away. MY reasoning is I could really use a little R&R, and would love to eat out for every meal and not have to do dishes, cook, clean, or any of that for 3 days.
Lets hope he changes his mind if the contractions are under control.
So here I am 31 weeks tomorrow and it looks as if the drama is about to begin. Don't get me wrong, I'll do whatEVER it takes to keep baby healthy, but I went through all this with Logan and still delivered 2 days after my due date. I just have that feeling the same thing will happen this time. And the last 9 weeks of this pregnancy I don't want to spend lying around letting Logan watch too much TV! I want to get out there and spend some quality fun time with him. I'm sure there will be way too much TV time once this baby comes in the dead of winter. And the thought of taking him swimming in November just sounded like a lot of fun.
But I guess I'll have to be creative and think of something fun in a different kind of way.
Its just this is the 3rd week out of 4 that Dave will be gone for days in a row.
The first week he was gone Sun night-Friday night.
Then, last week he was gone Thursday night-Monday night (to visit his grandma)
Now he's been home all week this week except he's been on call so I haven't seen much of him.
Now, next week Monday night-Thursday.
I'm getting lonely... :(

bathroom floors

So, I watched Wifeswap last night. I've seen it one time before, and thought it was pretty funny, but haven't seen it since. Its one of those things where I KNOW I have better things to do...anything...than sit and watch a show like that. But, I felt the need to veg last night, and it was on. Anyone watch it?
There was a vegetarian/medatation/non house cleaning mom who switched with the cleanest woman in the world! She also was a big meat eater(of course, seeing she's switching with the veggie)...well, lets just say the amount of chicken nuggets she allows her son to eat (looked to be at least 20) without ANY vegetables or fruit! yuck!
But really, the point of this was to mention her wonderfully clean house.
She is a SAHM, and apparently it said she cleans her house for FIVE hours every single day. (her kids are in school all day) Now, I like to think my house is clean, but the truth is, its kept...its not eat off the bathroom floor clean.
So, today I thought, I'm going to clean clean clean and see what I do and how long it takes me. I vaccumed every nook and cranny. (under the stove, behind the refridgerator...the things you don't do every time) and I swept, mopped, did the bathroom floors, washed the windows, dusted, did some laundry...and I did all this in a matter of 2 hrs WHILE playing with Logan on and off.
What on earth could a woman do for FIVE hrs a day...EVERYday!
So, while I was cleaning, the thought came to my head. I wish I could afford a house cleaner. A cleaner to come once a week and do all the down and dirty things I'd rather not do. Things I'd rather not do especially while pregnant. Then, as I'm entertaining this idea, I thought, what could I do for a small amount of income per week so that I could personally afford to have a housecleaner come and clean my house for me?
Unfortunatly, I came up with nothing.
So, THEN I thought, how great would it be for my husband to try to plan ahead for when I'm in the hospital having this baby to have a house cleaner come to the home so that when I walk in, it will be spotless! (Anyone want to email him...hee hee!)
And THEN I realized how silly I was to be having this internal conversation with myself! :)
Maybe someday I'll have a home that I can eat off the bathroom floors, but then again...why would I want to eat off the bathroom floors!
Make me feel better! How clean do you keep YOUR house!
While we're at it, question # 2.
As you probably guessed, if I could have a weekly luxery that I didn't have to pay for, I would say having a house cleaner come would be it.
(although I can think of a million more...like a weekly morning out by myself, a weekly date night with my husband, a weekly massage...)
If YOU could have a weekly luxery that you didn't have to pay for, what would it be?

Dialation...ultrasound update

I had my 30week appt today.
I have been having a million braxton hicks contractions this last 2-3 weeks. Everyday, multiple times during certain hours, and I know I should probably go to the hospital at certain times. But they always subside, and they eventually go away. I have just been floating through this pregnancy with the only complication being morning sickness. And thats not a complication! Its been easy sailing so far.
But....I told the doctor anyway, like the good patient should.
He wanted to check my cervix again (he did 3 weeks ago, and I was long and closed tight then)
Today, I'm starting to thin, and I am a fingertip dialated. He said it was almost 1cm.
I'm going to get a cervical scan tomorrow morning, and if it is below 3cm then I will be starting medication around the clock to stop the contractions. If it doesn't work, I will be adding bedrest to the mix. How that will work with a 3 yr old at home, I just don't know! He said seeing I'm contracting a lot in the evening when I'm just relaxing on the couch, he's not sure that bedrest alone will do it. He said if these two things don't work, he will be admitting me into the hospital to get on Mag. Sulfate. The dreaded drug, and to give the steriod shots to mature the lungs. He said his goal will be 34 weeks, and after that he will be happy.
34 weeks? 34 WEEKS?
I'm 30w2d today. Less than 4 weeks is his GOAL?
I still have 10 weeks until my due date! NOTHING is done!
So, as I was sailing along this pregnancy thinking everything was going great, that suddenly has changed. Now, I'm a bit freaked!
While I went though a lot of this with Logan, I only thinned a bit, I never started dialating.
Now, I'm doing both!
So, keep baby M in your prayers that he cooks cooks cooks!
Oh, and I have to go weekly now for appts!
On a cute sidenote, the baby is transverse right now, and while the doctor was trying to figure out where the baby was laying, Logan got all protective of me. He starting crying and looked really scared. He said, 'you're hurting my mommy!' and it was so sad but sweet to see him want to take on the Doctor for his mom! :) My little man!
--------
Dave's grandma...
LOOONG story! They went to take out the ventilators out on Sunday, but she is awake about an hour a day so they wanted to wait until she was awake to make sure that is what she wanted. They asked her to raise one finger if she wanted them out, or two fingers if she wanted them to stay in and she wanted to keep fighting. She raised two fingers! Amazing!
So, yesterday they did a test to see if she could survive with the ventilators out, and she failed. She would have died.
TODAY they did the test and she passed, so they took out the ventilators and she is currently breathing on her own! Now, they might have to put them back in later today, and that is OK too, but for now, she has some fight left in her! I wish I was as strong as she is!
I'm shocked, amazed, and completely in awe at Gods will and HER will!
----------------------------
Had my ultrasound today! It was amazing! We got to see baby yawn 2 times, BIG huge yawns! simply amazing! I even got a picture of his nose/mouth! His mouth was open a lot and I even saw the tongue!
Did I say amazing!
While I AM funneling a bit, it appears my cervix is still REALLY long! 4cm!! yahoo! I couldn't be happier! My doc said 3 was his cut off, so 4 is just plain old awesome!
I'm back to thinking this pregnancy is going to be stressfree for the remainder! (Oh, except that the baby is frank breech. I'm sure he'll still move, so I'm not too concerned...yet!)
Did I mention that I am so in love with this little baby, its pathetic!
I'm so anxious to meet him and hold him and....LESS than 10 weeks!

29 week belly shots

Well, Logan's sleeping, and I'm waiting for the dreaded call, so I thought I'd try to post my 29 week belly shots (I'm 30w1d today) and alas, I'm still doing something wrong...so here are the LINKS to 2 pictures!
I think I'm bigger in the last week! haha!
And they are not very flattering pictures, just erase my face! I think I'm starting to gain weight in my face...yuck!
Anyway, here they are!
http://shelleysphotography.com/v-web/gallery/albums/Soulsisters/29wbelly_2.sized.jpg

http://shelleysphotography.com/v-web/gallery/albums/Soulsisters/29wbelly_3.sized.jpg

Well, it appears that it is almost over...

Dave drove to Alabama yesterday to find out that not only does his Grandma have pnemonia, but also a Staph infection.
They will be taking her off the ventilator tomorrow. They want to give the last brother a chance to come and say goodbye. She's so sick, and apparently staph infections can be quite painful. The doctor said after they take the ventilator out tomorrow they will give her a large dose of morphine to help her relax and be as pain free as possible, and then she will pass.
There is no pain like talking to your husband who is 12 hrs away listening to him tear up when he told me that he told his Grandma goodbye and that he loved her and would see her again some day.
Apparently that woke her up out of her sleep and he said her eyes got so wide as if she wanted to say something, but because of the ventilator, she couldn't. She just squeezed his hand.
I am hating myself right now for not being there with him. For not being able to give him a hug and hold him tight. I hate that he will go to sleep tonight alone, and I wish I could lay with him and put his head on my shoulder and let him cry in private. I wish I could cry with him.
But, really, I had no choice. He was planning on driving down very early Friday morning and heading back bright and early Sunday morning. 24 hrs in the car for Logan in 3 days would not have worked. Plus, it would have been much longer for bathroom breaks and stretch breaks with Logan and then me being so pregnant.
So tomorrow, while the world is celebrating Sunday, we will be losing a great member of the family....

updates...

First, an update on Dave's Grandma.
She is being taken off the ventilator either today or tomorrow. The procedure of putting the blood clot in her blood vessel apparently worked well. Unfortunatly, she broke part of her neck, so she has one of those crown things to hold her head in place. I think they have to screw it into her skull, but I'm not positive. Do you know what I'm talking about? Where she physically can't move period! She'll have it on for at least 3 months. She's sedated most of the time, and all her vitals are good. I still feel misreble for her, and she must be in SO much pain with all her broken bones. Like I said, today or tomorrow they will be taking off the ventilator. The doctor said then, its 100% up to her. If she wants to live, she will. If she doesn't, she won't. He said it will be very painful for her to breath, but if she doesn't want to try hard, she'll die. They will not put the ventilator back in. She knows this, as they had to ask for her permission to take it out and if she wanted it back in. So, I'd hate for her to be thinking, "i'm going to die today or tomorrow", you know? Gosh, Its so tragic! I'm not sure what will happen, as I watched my Grandma go from a small injury that took her off her feet to passing away 3 months later. We'll just keep praying and wait and see. Dave's mom and her other 3 children are by her side, but seeing she is in ICU, they can only visit her 3 hrs a day (and they can't pick the hours) and only one at a time.
Dave will be driving there on Friday, but it is a 12 hr drive non stop. If I were to go along (which I really want to) then of course Logan would come too. It would be WAAAY more than 12hrs due to the stops we'd have to make for bathroom breaks and stretching breaks. So, I won't be able to go.
Of course, it all depends on what happens right after the ventilator comes out. The doctors said that usually within 4 days they know if the patient has the will or doesn't have the will. If it is very painful and remember, she can't move her head, shoulders or anything, I don't think it would take that long to know.
Thank you for your prayers.
---------------
Pictures....well, Stephanie is a dear friend who TRIED to help computer illerate me figure it out, but alas...I'm computer illerate.
I don't know why I think that would change, but...it won't.
So Thank you Stephanie SO much for trying! :):)
So...I'll post a post later that gives the links to the pictures.
Also, an apology. Not only has this sadness happened with Dave's Grandma, but also, my dad seems to be having possible heart problems. It is all too familiar seeing his dad died at age 56 due to heart failure. My dad is 55. He's getting tests run etc...so we'll know soon the details.
But, all the family life has kept me away from the blogs I so love to read. Please know I will return, and that I am reading them when I have a minute! I will catch up with each and everyone of you soon, and thats a promise!
One bit of happy news...I'm almost 30 weeks along! Can you believe it?

A sad post

She's in her upper 80's and lives in Alabama...alone. Her husband died almost 2 yrs ago.
She got in a major car accident this afternoon and is in critical and unstable condition. She has a partially broken back, (but no paralysis) broken ribs, broken pelvis, broken femur bone, and a "severe and complicated" broken hip.
She is bleeding internally by the hip. apparently there are lots of arteries there????? And because of blood thinning medication and her age and condition they cannot do surgery.
Her ONLY chance of survival is this procedure they are trying right now. They are trying to put a blood clot in her arteries that are bleeding internally to stop them.
This has a 50% chance of working. If it doesn't, she will bleed to death internally. And if that is the case, it won't take long.
If it DOES work, I can't see she will live much longer anyway with all her SEVERE injuries.
I'm sure you can understand how sad Dave is, and Daves mom being so far away from HER mom at this time.
I don't even know what I want you to pray for. For her to make it to live in pain and misery, or for her to go home to God and her husband she misses so dearly.

I'd LOVE to share my 29 week belly shots...BUT!

I need someone to tell me how to put them on here! Christine? You just did it, can you help?
I have them saved online so I can easily do it, but when I try, it just makes a link. I'd love to have them directly on here.
Who can help me?

Great news!

Logans cyst is the exact same size as it was one year ago!
That is fantastic!
The doctor did a few tests and one of them was having Logan run down the hall. The cyst can affect his coordination, and Logan DOES run a bit uncoordinated. The doctor just smiled and said, "I don't think he's going to be a sprinter!" haha!
FINE by me!
I'm so happy that we are at the same place as we were last year!
So, unless something pops up that is unusual, we go back NEXT October for another MRI.
During the MRI, Logan was screaming bloody murder. I couldn't go back with him, but Dave was right there with him. Logan was screaming, "DADDY! DADDY! IS IT DONE YET!?!" Omg! I burst into tears hearing my little man scream like that! THEN, the sweet receptionist starting crying too! She peeked in on him and said that Dave was almost 1/2 way in the MRI machine holding his hand.
He is the best daddy!
So, we are on cloud nine today!

Just a quickie to ask for your prayers...

Tomorrow is my little man's MRI to check for cyst growth. It has been a whole year since his last MRI and hospital stay. We were lucky with the results we got last year, and we are praying SO hard to be given the same results this year. NO growth...NO problems...NO brain surgery!
If you are new to my blog, here is the link that tells about Logan's cyst...
http://jenadk.blogspot.com/2004/07/logans-brain-cystclick-here-to-see-mri.html
Anyway, its tomorrow morning. We have the MRI and then an hour later we have an appt with the head pediatric neurosurgeon. (I love him!!) and we will find out immediatly the results of the MRI.
We may or may not be gone for the rest of the day and friday depending on the results. Dave is traveling to chicago for work this week, and will be coming home in time for the appt. He has to go back right afterwards, and we might go with. Otherwise, if we come home I'll post an update as soon as I can! Thanks ladies...I really appreciate it!

Its been 2 years

Two years since my life changed forever.
Not to the day, the day was actually last Wednesday, but 2 years since I lost my angel.
2 years!
So, as I'm sitting here with only about 10ish weeks left in my pregnancy, it makes me sit back and think about a lot of things.
How my life would be right now if I wouldn't have lost my pregnancy. I would have a 16ish month old baby. I thought it was a girl. I was only 7ish weeks pregnant, but I still thought it was a girl.
Logan didn't start walking until 15 1/2 months, so this baby would probably be walking...babbling. I'd be watching my children play together, learning from each other, only 19 months apart in age.
I'd be content with my 2 children, as I will be after this baby is born.
Life would be so different right now.
It makes me wonder what it would be like if indeed that baby WAS a girl. Here, being pregnant with a boy, I wouldn't ever have this opportunity to give birth to this little miracle baby boy who is kicking my bladder right now! ;)
I'm at peace with the loss of my angel baby. I miss her. I do feel as if we missed out at so much by losing her. We never actually got to know what we were having, never got to feel a kick, watch my belly grow... We also gained so much sadness and frustration due to the infertility that came after that loss. Its something that has changed my outlook and will forever change my outlook at life. Nothing is taken for granted anymore. I never think about pregnancy without the thought of the chance of it being taken away. I never look at women the same.
Infertility is always on my mind.
Now, I must say being pregnant now is making the 2 yr anniversary much easier. And I didn't think that would ever happen. Not that it makes the loss any less. Just because I know that this is where I am supposed to be right now.
But to be honest, I can't believe its been TWO years!
Anyway, my little angel, I'm thinking about you, and wondering if you're in heaven being a fun loving 2 yr old making everyone smile. I wonder if you would have had my red hair. I wonder if you would have had your daddy's eyes, or your brothers smile. I smile just thinking about the possibility.
I miss what I'm sure would have been a wonderful addition to my life, and my heart.
Someday...

I hate these kind of posts...

the kind where you are so angry you know you'll probably type something that you shouldn't have? Or your emotions will change right after you hit publish.

I'm sick. I have a head cold that is in my head and in my chest. Not only that, I have become infested with cold sores. They are coming out of both of my nostrils (beautiful, huh?) and in my mouth. Blowing my nose hurts my sores so bad. My eyes are swollen for God knows what reason. My sacro-illiac joints (which I have a problem with this pregnancy) are hurting so bad from digging out my garden that I can hardly walk without falling over in pain. I'm starting to swell. My feet are swollen, and my hands are starting to swell.
I look and feel misreble. I've been having a lot of contractions since I've gotten sick. Everyday. Hours at a time. I can tell they are braxton hicks though from when I was in REAL labor with Logan. And plus, they always go away, so I'm not TOO worried.
I'm 28 weeks today.
Now, if you want to know how I'm feeling about my pregnancy...I'm loving it 100%~ until this cold set in. I honestly can't 'complain' about anything! I'm seriously loving everything! I'm not sad about the stretch marks, about the scale, about the things that once were called breasts. Now they are just sagging piles of flab that land on my belly. Really cute! But, I don't mind it one bit either! I'm not complaining about my very small amt of clothes I have to go into the fall and winter with because I'm not buying anything else for 12ish more weeks. I'm not finding food restrictions or indulgments hard etc.
This is a MUCH easier and more welcome pregnancy to my body than Logan's pregnancy.
NOW...that said, this cold and everything else right now is just wearing on my body and my mind.
Not only have I been sick, and Logan sick (although he's MUCH better and has a zillion more degrees of energy than I do right now) Dave has also been working a million hours this week. Days and nights. In fact, his Thursday shift stretched out to 20 hrs! WITHOUT a break. Nice, huh? So, not only am I pregnant, sick and taking care of a sick toddler. I'm doing it without my husband around. THEN, when he is home, he's catching up on his sleep.
We were both just in the livingroom. Me on the floor playing cars with Logan, him vegging on the couch watching football.

I'm sad and uncomfortable and said, "I'd give anything to just soak in a swimming pool right now" (just the thought of taking my swollen overly hot body and plop it in a cool pool!)(no...not "hot" in the cute sense of the word. More so the "hot" pregnancy hot where you sweat from just standing up...wonderfully attractive)
And he said, 'go take a bath!'. When I explained that that wouldn't be the same as I would just like to be weightless for a while. I KNEW I didn't have a pool to go in, I was just daydreaming outloud. What was HIS response, as I'm sitting there with swollen feet, swollen hands, swollen eyes, cold sores coming out of my nose and mouth (without being able to take any medication to get rid of them) and my overly large belly with my sore joints?
"You WANTED to be pregnant!"
Yes, you read that right....I deserve all the illness, sickness that I have because I wanted to be pregnant!
And then, when I told him how insensitive his comment was, he didn't understand HOW it was insensitive. He was just stating a fact!
How do men get through life without having any brains!

Its hard to blog

When your head is so congested you can't think straight.
When you can barely get out of bed or off the couch without crashing back down from exhaustion.
When you also have an almost 3 yr old who is also sick and wants to snuggle all day on the couch so we both get better...boohoo!
I'm whiney today!
This is day 3 of the cold from hell, and I *think* tomorrow will be different...better!
Until then...

Who else watched it today?

Oprah?
If you didn't, let me give you a little recap. There was a woman on, I believe she was 38. She got married, again I believe at 25 and started trying to have a family with her husband. She had a bunch of ectopics, and then did IVF (I missed how many times) and each time was unsucessful. Unfortunatly, due to infertility stress she and her husband got divorced.
She put her ideas of having a family on hold, but picked a date that she would revisit the idea, married or not.
So, the time came, and she decided she wanted to be a mother. She got donor sperm and did IVF again, against her families wishes (hello people...she's 38 yrs old!). The doctors were going to put in 4 embryo's, but she said only 3. All the embryo's took, and one divided. The woman was now pregnant with quads.
She thought about selective reduction, but decided against it. Her family really pushed her to adopt out a couple of her babies, and she decided that that is what she was going to do. The identicals. But, then she decided she couldn't give away half her babies, so she decided to keep them all.
Her family was quite rude IMO. Her sister and brother had short interviews and said, 'we didn't bargain for this'..etc....her father picked out adoptive families who could take care of the babies better than her etc...
I was shocked to see how this woman was interviewed and how her family talked about her situation. Maybe because I was playing on the floor with Logan I missed something, but it seemed as though she didn't want to ask her family for a thing, and her family, it didn't seem offered much, if any support.
It seemed by the interview that she should be ashamed that she gave birth to these 4 beautiful babies because now she didn't have the finances to raise them the way they "should" be raised. The whole talk was about how now she can't afford to pay for daycare, and she obviously can't work. (the woman was pumping and feeding her 4 babies! Can you imagine?)
She looked dead beat tired. (did anyone else feel this way?)
So, instead of her family opening their arms and giving her a break (physically or emotionally) it seemed to me almost that they felt like she put herself into the situation, she can deal with it. (Even though her sister was sitting in the audience, probably just to be on TV)
She wanted to be a mother. She had always wanted to be a mother. She tried and failed early in her life, and lost her marraige. Who's to say that she doesn't have the right to go for it again. She didn't CHOOSE to have 4 babies! Her last IVF's all failed. And she had many miscarraiges. Not ONE time during the interview(and remember, I may have missed it) did I hear ANYONE congratulate her on the birth of her 4 babies.
I was shocked! There are SO many mothers that have baby after baby after baby when they can't even afford the first one. They are on assistance, just like this mother most likely is. Why is this one such a huge deal? Do they really think it would have been the right decision to give HALF her babies away? I mean, how do you expect someone to do that? Do they think because she wasn't married that she didn't have the right to do IVF and take her chances? Was it because of her age? I dont understand why when married people give birth to high order multiples due to IVF it is national news, and everyone thinks its cute and great, but this woman was made to feel embarassed or ashamed. I'm quite positive the married couples giving birth to quads etc can't afford it either! But they just do!
I was waiting for Oprah to pitch in with SOMETHING seeing she gives randomly to the audience all the time, but was disappointed to see that she didn't offer anything, at least in front of the public. (Although she did go to her house and help bath, feed and dress the babies for a half hour) I remember one show where she gave a nanny service for THREE months to this woman who had an 18ish month old and a newborn just for letting them tape 24 hrs of her hectic life.

I just feel like this woman worked SO hard to get to the point of being a mother, it is a celebration! So, right now her life is tough, she is a single mom and I'm sure she can't even afford to go buy a pizza from the local takeout. She WILL get through it! I'm sorry that financially she is way in over her head (her ped's almost didn't let her come in with one of the babies because she had over $15,000 in debt from them) but I'm happy for her that she is now a Mommy!
If you watched this episode, let me know what you thought?

good music and good shoes

What a title, huh?

About the shoes...I've always been a payless or clearanced shoe kind of girl. I hate spending money, especially on myself! I'm cheap! I think of things we really need the money on instead. This summer, I decided to buy myself a nice pair of sandles that would last a long time, and decided on a pair of Borns. They are thee most comfortable pair of sandles I've ever worn! So, a local shoe store was having a buy one get one half off sale on EVERYTHING in the store! Gotta love that! So, Dave needed a new pair of shoes, and we kept the receipt just in case I needed a pair before the sale was over (the sale was like 3 months!)
So, I took Logan in to get his fall shoes, and decided to look around for myself. I looked at the Borns, but felt they were too expensive and settled on another pair. I decided I hated them and went back to exchange them. I thought I'd just try on one of the Borns, and it was HEAVEN! I felt as though I was wearing SLIPPERS!
I was sold! And at half price, its the best deal ever!! I'm hooked, from now on out, its Born's all the way! (aren't you glad I told you that...)

Now, on to good music...
I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself...Tomorrow, I'm going to see Dave Matthews and Ben Harper in concert. Dave Matthews is my all time fave, but I've ALWAYS wanted to see Ben Harper in concert! I love his music, his thought process, his lyrics....and he's not too bad to look at either!
I feel like I won the lottery that I get to see them together!

Its a good day! :)

How could it be?

A sappy parenting post...just a warning!
------
As most of you know, Logan will be three yrs old in one month! HOW on earth my little baby can be three already is just beyond me! Its amazing to say I've witnessed basically every single second of this childs life (except for a couple vacations) and then to all of a sudden realize that he is THREE!
But, anyway...For the last 3 years, Logan has been my right hand man! Anything I do, he does! Laundry, GREAT! Cooking...SO fun! Grocery shopping is the thing to do! Makeup? Pass me a blush brush! He's been attached to everything that I do. Now, I won't lie and say that EVERY second I've wanted him attached to me! I sometimes see Dave sitting enjoying the news after work, while I'm just trying to make dinner quickly. But making dinner quickly is almost a funny thought! Logan has to dump, stir, ask a million questions, rinse, wash dishes and the list goes on and on. Sometimes...ok...a lot of times I would secretly wish that Logan would be more interested with Dave when he came home from work so that my mind could just veg out and make dinner. Well, it never happened, and I just got used to saying, "If we need 3 tablespoons and we just put one in, how many do we still need?" instead of just dropping 3 tablespoons in quickly...etc...and to be honest, I grew to love it!
I was teaching Logan in the easiest form! Everyday life! He sucked it up, and I latched on even harder.
Logan comes to me for everything. If he has to go potty, he comes to me. If he wakes up in the middle of the night and can't find his friend, he comes to my side of the bed to get me up. If he wants to cuddle, I guess I'm more squishy! :)
BUUUUUUUT! Apparently there is something that happens in the brain at around 3 yrs old that all of a sudden tells boys that DAD IS COOL! Not only COOL, but WAY more fun than mom! Mom doesn't roll on the ground and play tickle-tackle (how can she with a watermelon in her belly, right?) Mom doesn't know that when a soccor goal is made, the announcer yells..." SCOOOOOOOOOORE!"
Mom doesn't know what the names of the football teams are just by their colors on the TV. Mom doesn't play the guitar!
Mom doesn't go in the basement and hammer up some drywall and leave a special piece on the ground for Logan to hammer!
How on earth he ever thought I was fun to begin with, I'll never know!
So, I've been slowly watching this transformation with Logan and Dave. It is the greatest thing I've ever been able to be a part of. Logan would always push Dave away, tell him to 'go away!' if he tried to cuddle with us etc....and I always felt so bad, but figured it was just a phase.
Now that the phase is over, I see that genuine love and respect coming from Logan to DAVE, and this new feeling coming from Dave to LOGAN.
Its amazing what parenthood can do to you, and then watching you life take a different shape then you have been experiencing all along can be great in one mans shoes (daves) and sad in another mans shoes (mine!)
Its all bittersweet. I knew it would happen one day, but now that it is happening, its hard to just give up! Watching them everynight go outside while I get a 'break'(laughing at the word break) so that I can clean up the kitchen from dinner and do some laundry, I see them laughing, yelling, tackling, bike riding, batting and catching the ball and having the time of their lives.
I guess its a good thing that its happening now because of the new baby coming soon and all, but the last thing I want to do is give up my 'baby' boy before its time! How will I ever go from seeing him as my baby, to the big brother and big BOY? With his big size 11 shoes, and size 3-4 pants and size 4-5 shirts and his new found independance?
This parental emotional thing is HARD!