Is it just me?

The world loves her.
She sells a gazillion books.
Her recipes are wonderful.
Her shows are wildly popular.

Am I the only one who isn't a big Rachel Ray fan?

I want to like her, I really do!
But then she says things like EVOO and Chicken Parm and it just annoys me.

So, I've seen bits and pieces of her new talk show. I thought that this might make me like her despite the feelings I have.
I was SO wrong!
The thing is, we've got incredible personality conflicts.
She's loud, in your face, outgoing.
I'm not.
But I don't think that's it! Because I am friends with loud in your face outgoing people.
There is just something about HER that annoys the crap about me.

Perhaps it is her use of wording, again the 'EVOO thing'. The 'parm' thing.

Is it just me?

OK, so it MAY seem like I complain a lot about a certain child of mine that is quite feisty.
This post has NO complaints at all.
You know how I say that my kids are like night and day, day and night. Besides appearance, there is NOTHING similar about them.

One likes to sleep in, the other is up at the crack of dawn.
One is afraid to get his face wet, the other dunks his head.
One likes to sit down and watch a nice movie, the other turns the TV off.
One likes to cuddle in his mama's arms, the other practically jumps from my arms.

When Logan was a toddler, all the way up until today, I'd try to get him to do some artsy crafts with me. We bought paints, colors, markers etc...
He hated it.
It was NOT something he liked to do. At preschool, they go by a play based learning. What that means is that they are not forced to do anything. They are gently encouraged to do the projects that have to do with mothers day or Christmas etc...but if the child chooses not to, then that is that.
I'm used to going to school and seeing all the cute crafts done by the kids and walking out empty handed.
Logan really dislikes art.
Seeing I am an artist unfortunately born in a non talented body, this bummed me out at first, but now I just accept it as a part of him.

The other day in an exhausted moment of wanting 10 minutes of peace while I prepared dinner I dug out the old box of markers and crayons. (yes, I know, I should have done this LOOONG ago)
Curious, he hopped up on his booster seat.
He sat there for 45 minutes coloring.
He colored beautiful circles and squiggly lines in all different colors.
I was amazed!
It was q.u.i.e.t.
He didn't need me to entertain him, he was happily buzzing around with his little artist mind hard at work.
Since that day, I have noticed that that is exactly what Miles needs to do if I ever want to accomplish anything.
Time for lunch crabbiness going on? Lunch not quite ready? Pop open that box of markers!

No!

In the last 2 days, Miles has learned the word NO!
I'm of course SO excited about this...for now!

Miles, are you ready for bed? "no!"
Miles, are you done eating? "no"
Miles, share with your brother! "no"
Miles, can mama have a kiss? "no"

Well, you get the point! It is CUTE AS ALL GET OUT! He can also say with no problems 'up' and 'ow' (for owie) as well as starting to do some multi syllable babble.
I think my Mr. is going to start talking soon!
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So, after the lab tests, I contacted my hematologist and after looking at the lab results he wants to see me in his office next week. Of course this just leads to too many worries and guesses. Argh!
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I am a real live school bus today! A few moms from school and the neighborhood set up a carpool. I only have to go to school on Wednesdays and get a whole van full of cute little blond hair-pig tailed little girls with dresses on. Aw!

And that folks is my half ass-ed attempt to make a post this morning. I now have 40 minutes to feed one-dress two and hit the road!
Happy Wednesday!

Derek or Finn? Finn or Derek?

OK, time to write it out

The good thing about a blog is that when you just need to gather your thoughts, you can do so. Sure, might be boring to the readers, but hey, my blog-my thoughts.

Let's go back to the delivery. Complicated? Yes, very. Wait, let's go back even further with the secondary infertility. OK, my body sucked for a long time, but it got us there. A lovely family of 4. All we ever dreamed of. OK, so if you recall, I continued have post delivery issues as well as continued to bleed for months and months and months after the delivery. Testing and more testing followed with a uterine ablasion and a polyp removal.
OK, so the ablasion wasn't that big of a deal seeing we knew that I was lucky to be alive and we weren't taking any chances anyway.
Things were great after the surgery. No bleeding, no cramping, no pain.
I was thrilled and only wished I would have done it sooner.
Fast forward 5 months after the surgery. Cramping, bloating to the size of an obvious pregnant woman, bleeding brought me to the ER with a uterine infection. About 6 weeks later, I was back. This time they thought perhaps I didn't have a uterine infection at all. This time I had a ruptured ovarian cyst. No big deal to me. I've had them MANY MANY times and even had an orange size one surgically removed. THIS was not the pain I've experienced with ruptured ovarian cysts before, but I just said OK, took the vicoden and went home.
6 weeks later, again. This time I believed that each time it was my body trying to have a period. Seeing I had no uterine lining, I wasn't having much bleeding. Bloating and cramping-MAJOR. That time I called and talked to the nurse who felt awful, but didn't know what to do for me.
She made an appt for 1 1/2 month, and low and behold, I had the bloating/bleeding and cramping a week before.
This appt brought only conversation-no exam.
"You have two choices: birth control pills to see if we can cut off the hormone production in your uterus, OR a hysterectomy. A hysterectomy.
Apparently she believes that I have either an over active uterus or adenomyosis. If it's an overactive uterus, BCP's will probably help. If it's adenomyosis, it won't.
Hysterectomy.
So far on 1 1/2 months of BCP (where I skip the 'period' week) I've bleed and cramped EVERY day. I've bloated up HUGE about 40% of the 6 weeks. I've bleed EVERYday. I'm popping Advil like candy.
As I was at my regular doctors for a whole other issue, I asked for his opinion on the matter (he's a GP). His suggestion was to do a stereoscopy or laporoscopy BEFORE a hysterectomy if I was unsure. But while I was there, he wanted to do follow up lab work.
One of the things he wanted to check was my PT/PTT (time it takes my blood to clot). After my HELLP, my labs were abnormal for over a year. At that time we (my hematologist and I) decided that seeing things were going in the right direction, we were happy with that. If I were to have surgery again, we could recheck.
Here we are almost 21 months later. Guess what? My clotting times are still off, as well as a few other things(the same things that were abnormal 2 months after delivery). Nothing to be TOO alarmed about, but of course concerns about WHY this is still abnormal arise. Did HELLP permanently damage my liver?
So, here I am debating a hysterectomy at age 29.
Are we done having kids? Physically, yes.
Do I NEED my uterus anymore? Of course not.
Do I want to have it taken out? Not really. I mean, it's silly, but I feel like it's an important part of my body. It held my babies-it grew them, fed them.
I can't imagine not having a uterus.
Isn't that silly?
If it were another organ, I wouldn't be as attached.
I think that even though I don't have any uterine lining and my husband doesn't have any sperm that I'm still holding out for that 'oops' pregnancy! ha ha!
No, really. I don't know what to do.
I feel like I"m stuck in this time warp. The world is going on and on around me and I'm stuck having to decide if I want a hysterectomy. If I do, it's gone. Forever. If I don't, I'm in bad pain for many MANY years to come.
Plus, the idea of having surgery (even though it most likely won't be abdominal, so not AS bad, but she'd go vaginally and want to remove my cervix as well. I just can't imagine what I'd feel like with no cervix and no uterus) there is still the issue of being a SAHM. Sure, Dave could be home for probably a week, but then what?
And then, it's gone.

Yeah, I know, what can you say?

So there are those kids who go with the flow and then there are those kids who go against the flow.
I have one of each.
One is happily painting at the moment happy with the plate of 6 colors I gave him. The other was happy for 1.2 seconds and then got pissed that I wouldn't give him the entire 24 set of paints-jars and all.
The paint plate, paint brush and paper all got thrown to the ground causing quite the mess.
I'll give you one guess which kid is which.

Finally here!!

Good TV again!
I couldn't help it, I had to watch Grey's Anatomy last night. I know I saw it last season, but I had to watch again.
Just like last year, I sobbed multiple times.
I can't WAIT for tonight!! Who's with me?

All my favorite shows are starting...Greys, Desperate Housewives, ER, Lost, 24...etc....
I can finally stop watching house hunters!

Getting back to normal life has been exhausting. You know how you go on vacation and you get all off schedule? Well, not only are Dave and I off schedule, but so are the kids. (even though they basically stayed ON their schedule) Adding a virus to the 3 men of the house and my cold sores....
OK, those of you who don't get cold sores might be thinking 'get over it, what's a tiny blister on your lip'. Seriously, this blister is not tiny, it's HUGE. Add about 5 more blisters on my bottom lip and 3 big ones on my nose. I'm very freaky looking today. VERY. So freakishly looking that I can not and will not leave my house today. So freakishly looking that Logan tells me every time I come near to make sure I don't touch him with my face. Niiiiice.

Here are a couple of pictures from our vacation...

It's 6:47am. I've been awake for two hours.
Dave has left for work, and the kids are still sleeping.
My bottom lip is fuller than Angelina Jolie's currently due to about 6 cold sores all under the lip. I even have a nice big cold sore on my nose.
I look like a clown.

Let me tell you, if you ever have the chance to go to Rhode Island, take it.
I love that state.
OK, some highlights...
Providence-we didn't really see much there, but we had a nice dinner downtown and took a nice walk in the evening.
Block Islands-oh Simone, your beloved block island. Well, let's see. We were told by all the locals of Providence that we would not need a ferry reservation for our car due to being so late in the season.
wrong.
We decided to leave our car back which was not an easy choice seeing it was raining out. When the ferry arrived, we walked to our 'hotel' (shit hole) and spent the next 2 days getting soaked. We wound up switching hotels for our second night. After we checked in, we decided to buck up and buy a poncho and umbrellas and start hiking. It was at this time only drizzling. We walked a good 3-4 miles when I swear a monsoon came in! ha! It was incredible. Our umbrella's were pointless due to the wind. Our shoes were literally SOAKED, and our pants were wet all the way up even with a poncho.
The good news was that we got to use the dryer at the hotel, so we patiently waited for our shoes to dry, watched a couple of movies and went to dinner. There was a 'piano man' at the restaurant we went. There were only 4 tables of people, and he was taking requests. We stayed, listened, drank WAAAY too much beer and got back to our hotel by 8:37pm after getting soaked again on the way home.
Luckily, the next morning (the morning we were leaving block island) the sun was shining. We rented a moped and hit the road. How fun. We even saw a beached whale. It had been beached for a week, so it was already pretty gross. They figured it was an adolescent. It was 50 ft!! HUGE! Gross, so no pictures, but HUGE!
After a nice morning in Block Island, we headed for Newport.
Newport=money. And LOTS of it.
We saw a couple of 200 ft personal boats. Puts our 18 ft boat to shame.
We were walking down a busy street when we noticed a woman being filmed. She was pretty, obviously someone famous the way people were staring. We had no clue who she was. I had to ask. It was Giana Delaurentiis. My first famous person siting, even though I had not clue who she was. http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/giada_delaurentiis/0,1974,FOOD_10968,00.html

Besides having to get up at 3am and then having flight delays on the way home, we had an AWESOME trip.
Miles was mad at me for a couple of hours when we got home. He would not let me pick him up and would only go to Grandma. He actually stopped walking in the airport and turned to me, pushed me and kept walking. Heartbreaking kid! But he got over it really fast and we're back to one happy family!

I have pictures coming soon. It was an AMAZING trip.
We now have 6 states highlighted in our massive USA map in our room.
6 years!

Who watched 'the path to 9-11'?
Dave and I did. I don't know how much to believe or not, but I must say it made me sick.
At the end, when the planes hit, I literally felt numb.
I won't tell you my story of 9-11, simply because everyone has one.
Mine isn't any different than anyone else that lives so far away from NYC. All I know is that I was VERY pregnant with Logan and it made me second guess bringing life into this world. I sat and watched it all unfold while I was comfortable in my home. It was unreal.
Watching that again last night, I felt all those same feelings.
I grew cold. I had goosebumps. I couldn't speak.
I hate that this happened to us.
I hope nothing like it happens again, although I have a feeling it will.

Moving on.

We had an exhausting but super fun weekend participating in the All Baby Expo. We met so many beautiful pregnant mama's and so many cute little babies. I'm happy to say there will be a bunch more little babies sporting our tees.

We got home on Sunday and crashed only to wake up Monday and start REALLY packing for our trip.
Imagine packing for 2 adults and then 2 kids who aren't going with you. THEN put in the fact that half the time will be cold and rainy and the other half hot and sunny. You have to pack twice as much. Add in all the extra toys and activities that need to be packed. I think it would be easier for the grandparents to come to OUR house.

We're dropping them off tonight after a fun family supper out. Then we're going to finish packing because our flight is at 6am. We have to be at the airport no later than 5am.
Enjoy your week!
We'll see you on Monday!

Mark H. Rosen

2996
2,996 is a tribute to the victims of 9/11.
On September 11, 2006, 2,996 volunteer bloggerswill join together for a tribute to the victims of 9/11.
Each person will pay tribute to a single victim.
We will honor them by remembering their lives,and not by remembering their murderers.

Mark H. Rosen
45 years old, West Islip, N.Y., USA, partner, fixed income division, Sandler O'Neill & Partners, Confirmed dead, World Trade Center, at/in building

When doing research on Mr. Rosen, the above is all I could find. I was able to find a picture of him, but unfortunately, as I'm writing this, the website is down.
I found out that Mark was married. His wifes name is Patty. It didn't appear that they had any children.
I wish that I knew more about Mr. Rosen. I found a half sentence from a link that no longer worked. It said something to the fact, "Mark love to surprise Patty each Christmas by dressing up like Santa...."
It made me smile. It made me know that I would have liked Mr. Rosen very much.
So, as I'm left to honor this man, I had only the thoughts in my head. What did I think he was like?
I knew he was an intelligent man. He was a partner in the fixed income division of Sandler O Neill & Partners.
I knew he was a man with a sense of humor. In the picture of him that I saw, I could see that he would have made a very fine looking Santa. He looked as though he had a contagious laugh.
I knew he was an honorable man. I assume that Patty, his wife was his life.
I think he must have been a private man. I was sad that there were not more tributes to him on the many 9/11 sites. I was hoping to read stories of his friendships with others.
I know that he was too young to die.
I know that he had a lifetime to share with Patty, and I'm sad that it was taken away.
While I was unable to find any real stories to share about Mr. Rosen, I will tell you that the few sentences that I did find changed me. I was able to pick one of the 2996 and really concentrate on that person. When you think of 2996 people, it's overwhelming. When I think of one person, Mr. Rosen, it's changes how I look at 9/11.
2996 is a bone chilling number of people who died. Each person had a story. I encourage you to read some of the tributes and really really let it sink in what a loss it was to our country and our people.
What I feel Mr. Rosen was like may be completely wrong, but this is what I imagine. I imagine him as someone you might not 'see' as you are walking down the street. Especially in NYC. He isn't one to stand out in the crowd. However, I feel that when you really got to know him, he was unforgettable. How many men can pull off dressing like Santa every year without having a heart of gold.
Mrs. Rosen, I'm deeply sorry that you had to lose your husband at such a very young age. When thinking about 9-11 from now until forever, I will remember your husband.

Do I hear the 'Praise the Lord's' from across the country?
SCHOOL'S BACK IN!!

Now, if I'm this happy when we're only talking about 3 mornings a week preschool, imagine my excitement next year when we're talking about Kindergarten! (well, OK that might not be as easy!)

Logan was SO ready. He bopped in and didn't look back. Miles bopped in and didn't look back. Oh yeah, life was grand until I had to carry him out kicking and screaming.
The good news is that most of the parents seem to be nice, and I think 50% of us have younger children around Miles age. Fun!

We're gearing up for the big baby expo this weekend. I'm making sure all the shirts are folded just right. Second guessing myself on inventory. Making sure I have enough material to make me at least LOOK professional! :)
Really though, I'm just excited. We signed up for this a LOOONG time ago. I think we're ready too!

One gripe before I go. Why is it that when childhood meltdowns happen, as we ALLL know they do, do people stare at the parent like they have 3 heads? Come on, if you've never been in the midst of a meltdown yourself, you are either A: not a parent or B: keep your children locked away in a cage at home. So my kid was screaming. So my other kid was whining. So a banana got squished out of it's home in the process? IT HAPPENS. Go back to your sheltered life and continue to whisper about what spoiled rotten kids I have.
stepping down...

Even if you've never read her blog before, go wish Mrs. Naked Ovary safe travels. For tomorrow, they are headed to China to meet their daughter.
So exciting.

20 months

Is it just me that thinks 20 months is a big one? I mean, 19 months seems so close to 1 1/2, yet 20 months seems way closer to 2. Make sense?

So, here is a little recap of where Miles is now.
He's still teething! Can you believe it? He finally got tooth number 10 yesterday. He's got his front 8 teeth and two top molars. Poor kid has been teething most of his life.
He's signing up a storm. He surprised us the other day when he signed 'water' to us without being prompted. He's actually coming up with words too! Saturday he learned THEE cutest word: hi. Except, it's not just 'hi'. It's more like Hi-eeeeeeee. He makes his jaw go all crooked so that his teeth are not on top of each other, but crooked. LOVE it.
He is also starting to pretend. The first time he crawled up to me panting I had no idea what he wanted until he said, 'ooh oooh' and I knew he was pretending to be a DOG. He's pretending to be a DOG!
He also comes up to me, puts his head on my belly and starts snoring like he's sleeping. How did he go from a baby to a little boy who pretends to be a dog and a sleeping boy?
When he hears certain songs on the radio that he likes, he says, 'ooh-hoo!' as in WOO-HOO! That's my boy.
He still WILL NOT eat a vegetable. I almost do the happy dance when he secretly takes a bite of a new vegetable. This week he had about 10 kernels of corn (because they were on the cob) and one bite of tomato. That's more than he's had in an entire year I'd bet.
All summer long he's been climbing up the swing set ladder. Like a real ladder. He has no fear. He'll whip down the slides all by himself. Even the big ones at the park. Logan didn't do that until he was 3 1/2. He'll climb up on the chairs, the counter, whatever he can find to get up on.
He's more determined than anyone I know. He knows what he wants and he'll grip as long as it takes.
One thing that I would change about him if I could: he's a thrower. When he's mad about anything, he throws things. This includes things like an entire plate of food, a full yogurt cup, a half full cup of water, a full bowl of kix. Wait, maybe it's just food? Anyway, he does it simply to be naughty. We're working on that one.
He'll fall asleep in the car and let me carry him inside with his head on my shoulder, heavy as a log. He'll curl his little head in my neck, his hands around my shoulders, and feel so content. It's moments like that that I am in awe of my life.
I look back at the past 20 months and realize that life has been/IS hard. Miles really threw us for a loop. We were not prepared for a baby who cried all of the time. We were not prepared for a baby who never slept. We were not prepared for the exhaustion of the past almost 2 years.
Now, as things are different,(and I won't say EASIER because they are simply different) I see that Miles has yet to come up with a way to express his feelings that isn't crying. He's got a lot of stuff inside that he can't seem to get out in a calm way. I think that as his vocabulary grows and he learns how to express himself, we'll lose the difficult times and gain more of the great times we're witnessing lately. The things that he has no problem expressing however is how much he loves us. He'll lean in to hug and actually make an 'awe' noise. He kisses over and over. When it's just daddy/miles time, they hang out on the floor together. Dave on his back, Miles on Dave's belly. They point out body parts, play tickle, and just bond. When Logan is mad or sad or pouting, Miles comes to check on him. He'll place his head in Logan's lap and rub his knee trying to make him feel better. When we go for bikerides, he'll rub my back for much of the trip (we have a seat on the back of my seat)
Dave and I are really starting to see our life heading in a different stage. Our boys are rounding 5 and 2. That's 5 years of diapers, temper tantrums, rushed meals, talking over crying kids, never a minute to just simply connect. We got to drink coffee and talk about world news yesterday while the kids watched a cartoon together. I can't remember the last time we got to drink coffee and have an UNinterrupted conversation when all 4 of us where in the house.
Miles is 20 months. I can't believe it!

Coming from the home with no clean clothes

This week has been insanely busy.
What started off as a week with only one thing on the calendar quickly turned into a week with the entire week full.
It had everything from preschool sneak-a-peek to 3 play dates to Early Intervention appointment to cutting and pinning and sewing, to trying to book hotels in Rhode Island (not a fun feat. I can't believe what one charges for a hotel in RI. $300 for a Holiday in EXPRESS? WTF?). That's just to name a few of the weeks adventures.
That doesn't of course include the constant jabber jaws of my oldest (who is currently telling me that the fast fingers he's playing on the piano is the girl and the slow fingers are the boy. The boy never stops talking! ;))

I literally have like 537 loads of laundry. Yes, I know I said literally, you'll just have to believe me.
It's one of those Fridays where I'm secretly hoping dave gets home early so I can escape and get a little peace.
Until then, I'm plugging away at the busiest quickest week known to man.

Happy three day weekend!!