Protection

You remember how I said that Logan has been asking hard to answer questions lately? An example: What planet is Heaven on?
Well, it seems to have gone from humorous to really hard to answer.

I once read that if a child has a family member who is dying, that if the child is under the age of 5 they don't understand fully that death is forever. But once that child is 5-7yrs old, they understand the finality of death.
I think Logan started a bit early.
I think the death of his fish really started it.

Death is on his mind lately. I know it must just be because he doesn't quite understand and wants to understand. He wants to understand all aspects of death. He wants to know if it hurts the animals when people go hunting. He wants to know if it hurts the ant that gets stepped on.
He wants to know if he were to die, where would he go and what would it feel like. He tells me through teary eyes that if he died, he would miss me. (THEE hardest thing I've had to listen to him tell me...ever)

Now, I'm a Christian, so I of course answer the question with details about heaven and what it might be like. (because I of course know, right?)
I try to change the subject as best as I can, but let him also ask questions.

The hard part is not being able to protect him from the TRUTH. The truth about something so hard. The truth about death.
Dave told me something last night that he didn't want to tell me.

Logan was talking about death and then all of a sudden he said, "But what if MOMMY died?!" and started crying. Then he went on about how sad he would be and how he would miss me. He was crying pretty hard that Dave actually had to hold him. Usually he rebounds quickly and wants to coddling.

Imagine what you might feel when you hear your little boy was crying because he was afraid you were going to die.

It's all about death lately. The police carry guns so they can shoot the bad guys and keep us safe. I TRY TRY TRY to make him understand that the police don't want to carry guns. They wish there were not 'bad guys'. (another hard thing to talk about seeing 'bad guys' don't look bad)

I'm ready to go back to the easy days where we didn't have such heavy topics on our minds.

Why do good musicians decide to change?
I mean, I know that everyone changes with time, but let's take Dave Matthews Band for example.
Yesterday I got my hair cut. I was feeling great with my new cute 'do.
On the radio was 'Ants Marching' and it was just a perfect jam in my car song.
I think back to the time when I really starting learning about and liking Dave Matthews. I was a freshman in college and every song made me want to dance.
I've seen them many times in concert, and each time you couldn't help but to dance along with the music.
I have so many good memories of DMB concerts.
They freaking rocked!! I proclaimed myself to be a huge fan for life.

Now though, I'm just not feeling it from them anymore.
I mean, what happened to the magic in their music?
The songs that made you remember something from your past.
I guess it happens to many musicians, I was just hoping it wasn't going to happen to my favorite.
I feel let down by the change.
Who's with me?
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Um...would you be concerned if you heard this come out of your child's mouth?

"Mom, I think I'm going to cut off my pee-pee with my sissors."

Yes. All sissors have been removed and placed in a very high out of reach place.
*gulp*

Cool kid

It's really neat to watch your child grow into a person.
Logan, being the big 4 1/2 yr old is now his own person.
I've finally given up being in control (well, ok, not really) and let his true colors shine.

The other day we were grocery shopping and all of a sudden he sings LOUDLY,
"Leverly Hills, that's where I want to BEEE!" Hey, he's just like the rest of us, makes up his own words.
We got to the check out and we hear overhead 'You're beautiful...' ( you know that song. LOVE it, even though it makes NO sense at all, but anyway)
And he says, "MOM! It's our song! and continues to sing the refrain.
The checkout lady thought it was so funny.
Let's just say he takes after his daddy when it comes to his singing voice. Hopefully that improves with age! ;)

I think back to when I didn't think I would be able to get pregnant again. I thought having kids so far apart would be hard. I thought it would be hard for LOGAN as well. It turns out it was just right for us.
Logan really has the patience of a saint.
Take this morning for example.

Logan was watching Sesame Street and Miles comes up and turns the TV off.
I hear the typical "Mi-les!" as he turns it back on.

Then Miles sits down and bangs his head against the TV to get a reaction.
Logan starts to block his head so he bumps his hand instead.
Miles gets mad and sortof yells at Logan.
Logan then tells Miles, "I'm just protecting you Miles. Banging your head gives you owies!"

Then Miles gets mad at Logan again and decides that smacking him on the head is a good idea.
Logan says, "NOOOO Miles. Say 'nice Logan' and be nice" showing him how to rub his head nicely.

Miles thought it would be fun to stick his finger in Logan's nose and ear.
Logan says, "Miles has a nose and ear too! See?" as he points them out.
No irritation that some sticky finger just went up his nose and in his ear.

Miles then reaches for Logan hair and decides to screw the niceness and grabs a handful trying to yank it out.

Does Logan call for me? No!!(I'm right behind them hiding my silent laughs behind my coffee cup)
He tells Miles, "That was NOT nice. You need to be nice to your big brother. See, this is nice" as he gives him a hug.

Miles gives up being mean and cuddles in next to Logan to finish watching Elmo.

It is amazing to see him reason at such a young age.
I'm so impressed with him!
I think he is more patient than I am.
I think our age spacing is perfect (for us)

"He's like a monkey at the zoo!"

Last night I was having a nice chat with Dave and all of a sudden he says,
"Miles is like a monkey at the zoo! You know how you see them up top on some huge climbing thing and then they fall and do a couple rolls and get up happily? THAT is Miles!"
Oh my gosh, I laughed SO hard because it is SO true.
Miles knows how to fall.
He can fall without getting hurt.
I used to cringe when I would see him in the middle of the couch trying to step down. Every time he'd fall I'd take a quick breath in waiting for the tears (we pull the cushions down so he falls ON the cushions)
The tears never happen!
What usually happens is he falls, does a couple rolls or flips and lands happily on the floor. He then gets up and does it again.
The boy has no fear.
You know how you hear parents of extreme athletes say, 'when he/she was little he/she would never keep his/her feet on the ground'
That is my boy.
He seems to have down pat the fall/roll/get up/try again.

See, it's all so different from the first boy who had the whole, 'I may fall, so I won't even try without holding mommy's hand' approach!

So the future, if I'm seeing it correctly, will have broken bones and bruises, but he just might teach the rest of us some courage!

THIS week the shirts are coming.
They will be coming in 2 boxes.
Box one is getting mailed today.
Box two is getting mailed tomorrow.

We're right in the final stretch of getting our website ready. We've set up the shopping cart etc....and just getting it all finished. (The shopping area is turned off right now so you can't see it if you visit)
Julia helped me finish (or basically re-wrote) our press release. Thanks Julia!
I've 'hired' some models..hee hee..to model our shirts for our website.
You'll see Miles, the infamous TKW's daughter #2 as well as a couple other of my friends children on our site. I hope I can keep them happy!? You know how demanding models are!

So now I have to finish everything up and market like crazy. With a little teeny tiny budget, that might be hard, no? I'm thinking of doing a blog ad of a couple busy blogs. Julie's and Tertia's maybe?
If there are any readers who are in marketing, I could use some advice!

It's all about to start! :)
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I'd like to know if you have a sewing machine, and if so do you recommend it.
I'm looking for something that I could do zig-zaggy or wavy lines as well as basic.
That might be on all of them for all I know?

Good

You know when things with your husband are bad, everything seems bad?
It's like he always says the wrong thing, smells bad (ha!) and just is a pain to be around.

The same goes for good. When it's good, it's all just good!

My friends, it is sooo good right now.

For some strange reason I feel like a newlywed. Even after 5 1/2 years of marriage!
Lately Dave looks good, smells good, just does the right thing all of the time when usually he knows nothing about doing the right thing and usually fumbles his way through it.

SOMETHING must be going on, because dare I say I got this strange sensation, dare I say the tacky phrase; butterfly's.

I'm really enjoying him lately.
It's a good feeling!!
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YEOUCH!
Way back when I was pregnant with Miles, I was going to a physical therapist for some pain I kept getting RIGHT in the middle of my ass. Lovely, huh?
Well, the pain was a sharp stabbing pain when I would step or turn the wrong way. It never fully went away, but would only come when I stepped wrong.
Apparently I stepped wrong on Friday afternoon.
It was an awful searing pain, and I almost fell over.

It came more then went, so Saturday morning I headed to the doctor.
I'm back to P.T. which I have no idea how I'm going to fit that in with the kids.

Apparently it has something to do with my spine? L4 to be exact. When she was doing leg tests, she would push down on my big toes and make me hold them up. I couldn't hold up my right toe. VERY strange!

I've spent a lot of time off my feet where my sweet husband would take the kids outside and leave me in the quiet. He took them over to his parents yesterday and they spent the entire afternoon playing over there. I napped, rested, read some of my book...just really lounged all day.
I told you he was doing the right things!!

Retail therapy

Last night I was lucky enough to escape the den for a bit and have dinner and a little retail therapy with our own TKW.
I've been in the market for a new pair of sunglasses. I have looked at no less than 7 or 8 stores, only to find the 'eat your face' type.
I know they might be hip and trendy, but I think they look silly!

TKW and I enjoyed some nice conversation over a quick dinner, and then the hunt was on. For me, sunglasses. For TKW, clothes to fit her tiny ass in!

While in one store, I was putting away some clothes for TKW when I had the honor of being called 'a nice piece of pussy'. Yes, such a compliment. The highlight of my night. Seriously, rolling eyes, who thinks that is a compliment.
Anyway...that's me. A nice piece of ...I hate even saying that word! Bleh!

I walked away with some sweet deals!
For myself:
New pair of cute blue cargo pants- should have been $39.50, on sale for $16.50.
New Wallet-should have been $10, got it for $4.99
New SHADES! Nine West- should have been $32, got them for $10.99! Sweet!
Cute beaded flip flops-$7.99
A savings of almost $50!

For the kids:
2 pair of flip flops, 1 baseball cap, 1 tshirt, 1 pair of bibs, 2 pair of jeans, and 1 pair of sunglasses all for a whopping $38!

The best part of it all? Coming home and seeing the children who were at their ropes end before I left, softly snoring away when i got home.
Ahhhh...Retail therapy! Beats a therapist any day!

All flushes go to the ocean, right?

I think I just failed one of the major life lessons I was supposed to teach Logan.

For Logan's 4th birthday, he got 4 fish.
He named them
-Fishy (original, huh?)
-Zak
-Zoo
-Za

The last 3 were zebra fish. They all looked the same. If one of them was being naughty or whatever, it was usually labeled Zak. Zak was the naughty one.

Well, as the 6 months went by, Zak grew very long. (When I say very, I mean like 1 1/2 inches) Zoo grew fat. Like pregnant looking fat. Za didn't really get long or fat. He appeared to be the only fish that ate until he was full and then swam away.

Things went fine up until a couple of days ago. We noticed that Za was looking a little thin. We noticed that when the food was dropped in that he/she didn't eat.

We thought that it was probably going to be her time soon. As sad as that was, we always told Logan that fish don't last long, and he would have to learn a life lesson about life and death.

Well, last night we noticed something awful. Za was missing 3/4's of her tail fin and half of each side fin. Like they had been CHEWED off.
While I was reading Logan his bedtime book, Dave had his eye on the tank.
Freaking ZAK was picking on ZA.
I left Logan's room feeling SOOO awful. I didn't know if we could help Za, seeing his fins were basically gone. :(
He was still swimming though, so that at least was good.

This morning, when Logan woke up I told him to open his blinds so the fish could get some sun. He told me that Za was stuck in a plant.
Sure enough, I went up and saw that Za had no more fins and he really was stuck.
It really was awful.
I told Logan that it was time for Za to get flushed to the ocean so he could have another NICE fish help him find some new fins. He cried a few tears, but thought that Za had to get away from Zak.

Dave did the job, and he thought maybe Za was already dead. I don't know. To me it looked like he was still 'breathing'.

I feel so sad!
We flushed him.
I figured it was a way better fate than leaving him there to be attacked until death.

Right?
Did we do the right thing?

And seriously, what the hell makes 4 fish get along great and then 6 months later one takes over and kills another.

I try to tell myself that it is all nature, and the strongest survive. I never wanted these fish anyway, so why did I feel so bad.
I was cheering on the 'GOOD BYE ZA!! Have a good swim in the ocean!" Logan was happy and clapping. He even flushed. I was fake smiling and wishing Za a safe journey!

If Za had just died, we would have told him he died. Seeing he was de finned by another one of his fish, we just couldn't.

Mean Zak!

Because I don't have enough to do...

I used to be a pack rat.
I thought I might need EVERYTHING someday.
Turns out, I never really needed all of the things I thought I would need.
It's operation recycle.
I thought I wanted a garage sale again this year, but really, it's a lot of work for a couple hundred dollars.
I think this year I'll donate my old clothing and baby gear/goods to a women and children center around here. I'll get a receipt and then instead of getting cash after a long hard weekend, I'll get it back in taxes.
I guess I'll feel better about it too, which is a good thing.

I have this habit of saving each and every magazine that comes to me for some reason. I mean, it has done me good in a way. When I was pregnant with Miles, I would re read all of the parents magazines that I saved from Logan. Then it got to a point where I got so sick of reading the same things over and over. I still have a bookshelf in my bedroom that must have 200 magazines in it. I have Parents, Vegetarian Times, Better homes and Garden, Shape, Runners World, Kraft (which if you don't get this, you SHOULD! It's FREE!) and many other odds and ends that I got along the way. Most of these I would save simply for the recipes.
I'd go through and think, ah! I'll make that one day!!
But who was I kidding! I'd never find that recipe again in the 200+ magazines I have!!

So, my job to focus on in my spare time this month is going through ALL of my magazines. I'm going to cut out each and every recipe I will use, and can the rest of the magazine. I will never use any beef or pork ones, so that takes away half! It will be a strange feeling, bare empty shelves that once contained hundreds of magazines. But really, who needs 200 magazines?

I'm going to cut out the recipes and make my own cookbook.
200+magazines down to one book.

Anyone in the market for a bunch of parents magazines? ;)

Candy

I have one little rule that I follow when it comes time to buy candy for holidays.
I make sure to NEVER buy chocolate unless I give myself permission to eat it.
I can buy all the sugar loaded candy in the store and not even be tempted, but you put chocolate in front of me...I have no control.

For Easter, the cheap stinking Easter bunny supplied Miles with Kix and Graham Cracker sticks in his eggs. Logan got loads of Jelly Beans, Peeps, Sour Patch Kids etc...

Dave's been drooling at his basket and has probably inhaled half a pound of jelly beans so far. Me? Not a single drop of candy.
It's a good way to keep off the pounds...except when I make yummy banana bread and feel the need to eat it all day. ALL Day.

Hope your Easter was fun. I made a yummy baked egg dish with a side baked hash brown dish, and of course my yummy banana bread. All three are very very easy if anyone wants the recipes.

I have some great pictures to share, and I promise to do that...this week! I hope to do it today, but I suck at getting pictures up, so I'll just give myself the week.

I must go and enjoy a hot cup of coffee while my peanuts are watching Sesame Street together. Can you believe it? TWO children peacefully watching Sesame Street!
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Egg Bake

1 lb white bread-cubed
2 1/2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
12 eggs
1 3/4 cup milk
salt & pepper to taste

CAN add:
1lb sausage/bacon
onions, mushrooms, green peppers....etc...
( I did onion, mushroom, gp. No meat in mine)


Lightly grease large 9x13 pan. Spred 1/2 of the cubed bread and then put sprinkle half of the additional ingredients (veggies or meat) on top of the bread.
Sprinkle half the cheese on top. Repeat with the rest of the bread, rest of the additional ingredients and cheese.

Mix the eggs and milk together until completely mixed.
Pour over bread mix.

Can refrigerate overnight or cook immediately. (I do overnight)
Cook for 1hr at 350. (uncovered)

Comes out perfect EVERY time!

Just in case your Easter Bunny is as dumb as mine

Here's a little piece of information for you.

Don't hide the Easter Basket goodies in the back of your van.
Sure, your kids won't find them, but the nice big Chocolate Bunny turns into a melted gob of goo. I'm sure it's still tasty for you, but your child won't be too happy.
Oh, and Peeps? They turn out just as bad.

Off to Walmart again today.

Oh, and I found lost pacifier #1. It was in my running shoes...DEEP inside.

Pacifier Safari

Who's with me here?

Miles sleeps with 3 pacifiers. (stupid stupid bad bad habit that I MUST break)
One in each hand, and one in his mouth.
Most days, when he wakes up they instantly get flung overboard. Then, as soon as I walk in his room, he's grunting and pointing for his long lost friends.
Um. don't throw them over my sweet boy.
After about 1 1/2 hrs of awake time, the grouchy personaility appears. Out comes the pacifiers (which I MUST start leaving in his bed ONLY for bed).
After 10 minutes, the pacifier is gone.

Today, I put him down for nap with only 2. Deal, I thought.
After 10 minutes I heard one clunk against the wall, and then the 2nd.
However, when I went to pick them both up for him I could only find one. I searched HIGH and low. I moved the crib. It was gone.
After I told Miles to GO to SLEEP, I instantly came down to look for the 1st lost pacifier. I was on my hands and knees looking EVERYWHERE.
I looked under the chairs and couch, behind the piano, behind the TV, in the shape sorter (which BTW is a good place to find lost pacifiers).
I looked EVERWHERE it could have possibly been.
It's GONE.

Stupid little pacifier stealing trolls live in my house.

Luckily he fell asleep, 40 minutes after I put him down for the first time.

Of course, when we got ready for nap number 2, I told Logan we need to do some pacifier hunting in Miles room.
He runs up and not 2 seconds later comes out with both of them.

Whatever. I looked. I looked hard.
And first pacifier has seriously disappeared.
I bet I'm going to find it in the box of Kix or something.

fuzzy little caterpillar

I've just finished taking a certain prescription medication which I took for the past 5 months. This medication was quite clear when it gave me the instructions to NOT get any waxing done during the duration of the medication AND for 6 months after. (Skin could rip-scar for life)

I'm dying.
Literally dying.
...I'm dramatic too.

I was not blessed with cute eyebrows. You know, the perfectly spaced ones that have natural arch.
My husband was blessed with those. Don't ya hate things like that?

So, while I'm feeling all cute and spring like, I'm even fitting in with the soon to be caterpillars!

I just don't think I can wait 6 months. That would be almost a year.
I can go months and months without a haircut, but usually I'm pretty regular with my waxes.

Sucks, huh?

Happy hump day! We've got great grandparents coming in for a visit for the next 2 days, then Dave's sister for 3 days.
We're even hosting Easter breakfast!

Busy fuzzy little caterpillars!

or forever hold your peace

You may recall many many months ago I was a bit surprised that Miles wasn't babbling yet.
It slowly developed, but has hit a lull. Is it a lull if it's been quite a few months?
Anyway, at 12 months I called our Birth to Three to talk about Miles speech after the doctor told us he wanted Miles to be able to say one word AND either mama or dada (with knowledge of term).
We decided to forgo anything after the first visit because he was way above average on physical. I think at 12 months he did a few things they don't even look at until 16 months.
When it came time for cognitive, he understood EVERYTHING, but didn't speak. She said that they average them all together to see how much of a delay there is. THEN if it is under a certain amount he'd qualify.

Miles had his 15 month checkup recently. Our doctor asked if he was saying 6-12 words.
Um. no.
We're still waiting for the first word.
Our doctor said that he'd give Miles until 18 months to start talking or he'll want him evaluated. He said that we could go ahead anytime we wanted. He said sometimes toddlers get stuck on a few sounds and have a hard time getting past them.
Miles has two syllables that he says, 'ba' and 'da'.
He also ahh's and blows raspberries etc... Oh, and you know he's really good at crying. ;)
The thing is, I know he understands everything.
I can tell him to go get his shoes and he does. I tell Logan to get his coat on and Miles brings Logan his coat.
I ask if he wants peas and he shakes his head no.
I ask if he wants a graham cracker and he'll laugh this impatient laugh as he walks to the pantry door.
He's got it all inside, he just can't seem to get it out of his mouth.

I'm not worried about him not talking, but I've never heard anyone say that children can get stuck on sounds and have problems going from there. I'd say Miles is definitely stuck. It's always been 'ba' and 'da'.
I've yet to hear mama, even in babble.

I know he'll talk. I just hope he does soon!
How nice it will be when he can say, milk, more, mama, eat, etc....
Now I just go through all of those and wait for the inpatient giggle.

-----------
On a side note, does anyone who knows Kether notice how she just always has the right things to say? It's amazing what she says sometimes.
I was reading a from the heart post from a fellow blogger and read her reply and was amazed. I'm always amazed by her responses.

I wonder what it's like to always be right.

Mom, what does L-O-O-K spell?

Look.

Look?? ...... No it doesn't!!

ok. whatever.

--------------
Mom, what is paper made from?

Trees.

No it's not. It's not made from Trees!!

ok, if you say so.
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Mom, what is 12 plus 17

29

No it's not!!

ok.
----------------
Where's Dad today?

work.

No he's not.

ok. you're right.

No I'm NOT!

--------------
Mom, who's your mom?

Grandma Sue!

What? No she's not!!

She is! I promise.

Nah-uh!

whatever....

Please excuse me while I get my child's pacifier

I've been having a lot of milobaby work to do lately.
Our shirts are at the printers as we speak. We will hopefully get them next week! *jumping up and down in excitement*

There has been a lot of phone calls lately. Calls to and from the label maker, calls to and from the shirt company, calls to and from the printer. Calls to and from our designer.

It never fails that as soon as I make or receive a call, Miles decides it would be a perfect time to bang his head on something, or get his foot stuck in something else. Logan thinks it is a perfect time to steal Miles toy or get angry because he can't have a piece of candy.
Isn't it always that way? Peace and lovely quiet until the phone rings?

Of course, I expect this, and it's really no surprise to me. What I DO wonder is what they think on the other end when I'm trying to calm a baby and make important decisions all at the same time?
BTW~They are all men. They can't do more than one thing at a time! ;)

So, I'm hoping that this business makes us a little extra money so that this summer I can hire our lovely neighbors to babysit like 2hrs a day, 2 times a week!

Excitement is building!

End of the road

Dave is 6'3" tall. We knew Logan would be a big boy when he was born at 8lbs 13oz and 21 1/2 inches long. May I remind you, I'm 5'3". I was huge.

So, Logan has always been waaay bigger than boys his age from birth. At 12 months of age, he was wearing 24month clothing. It was always double what he should be wearing.

The last year or so, he's really starting to thin down. Still a good 7lbs heavier than the average 4yr old and about 4 inches taller than the average. (Going by growth charts)

Last year, Logan's summer t shirts were size 5T. I bought almost all of them at Target. You know, the Circo brand. $4.99/shirt. They're actually really cute! I also stocked up for the fall too. I've noticed that the few Circo brands he has are getting way too short in the arms and belly.
His size 5T Jammies...so embarrassingly short.

Do you know what that means? No more cutesy toddler shirts. We're moving up to the BOY section.
Now, there are good points and bad points about the boy section. The bad? UGLY STUPID shirts. Stupid! Something that I could see, say, a 10 yr old wearing. NOT my 4yr old.
The good thing, style.
I'll admit it, I'm cheap. If I can find cute clothes for a cheap price, I'm taking advantage. I found those deals at Target.
I went to said Target this weekend in search of a new pair of jeans for Logan. Apparently all of them decided that this was the week to rip in the knee.
I went to the BOY section.
I hated many of the things that I saw. I think I need a new store.
I did find though an awesome pair of jeans.
*Side note, size 5t is actually much smaller than size 5boys. I had to buy size 4's*

Now the hunt is on. No more cutesy toddler boy Logan. We are moving on to big boy, cool Logan. ;)
I just have to find that store that has good deals and more than just stupid t shirts. Let the hunt begin!
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If by some strange chance I have any other HELLP mama's pass through, there are 2 studies going on. They are researching future health problems of women/baby's with hellp and also doing a genetic study.
I am so happy to be participating in this study, so I wanted to pass the word. www.hellpsyndrome.org (Go to patient surveys)

Apparently there was more to the story

If you recall the post I wrote earlier in the week regarding our local fertility clinic, you may find this interesting.
It went from confusion and anger, to slow details coming forth.
Apparently the closure was planned about 2 years ago due to hospital growth. They didn't feel the clinic belonged.

Well...then slowly it came out that one of the doctors was charging another with sexual harassment.

Then it came out that the doctor who was making the charges was married to the 3rd doctor in the clinic, the head honcho. (I didn't know this. Maybe it was common knowledge)

THEN It came out the man who is charged was given the title 'director' right under #3's nose. There was no reason gave.

Now it is known that new director, alleged sexual harasser even went so far as to wear surgical gown with breasts and pubic hair drawn on to a staff meeting, looking directly at the accuser.

What?

Could this be a movie in the making? I sure think so.

So, apparently after all of the angry patients and legislature, they decided to keep the clinic open. It is unsure if all 3 doctors will work together or will be split up.

Anyway, if you want some drama, read it here...
http://www.madison.com/wsj/mad/top/index.php?ntid=78608&ntpid=2