Ladies...we have a date!

An EVICTION date that is!
First, my appt went so well. My doctor told me he had been thinking about me a lot this last week...awwww...and how he felt horrible the last time I was there. (my emotional breakdown, remember!) and that he knew he wanted to really look deep to see if there was ANY reason whatsoever to induce a bit early. (Not EARLY as my due date is this Saturday as in 2 days from now, but earlier than promised...41 weeks).
We went over all the previous u/s reports, blood tests, blood pressure, weight gain, and his fetal assessments.
fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, there is no reason to think of inducing me say, TOMORROW!
He tried though!
I'm still the same as last week. 2cm and almost completely effaced.
No change. Wait, except I'm measuring 2 weeks less, which means the baby has dropped 2 cm! woohoo!
He told me at 41 weeks on the day he'd induce, and then I asked if the Friday right before would work?
He said he could do that!
So that means that one week from tomorrow, or Friday January 8th I think is the date, I will be induced!!
I will be one day shy of 41 weeks.
One more week ladies!
It seems like such a short amount of time, and yet like an eternity!
Of course, he DID say he'd totally be up for delivering a New Years baby! (so would I!, but I'm not holding my breath!!)

I just can't fathom the devastation...

Literally, I just can't fathom it.
Over 80,000 people dead? Expected to raise to over 100,000 people.
Children, snatched from parents arms. Parents taken from children.
The pictures they are showing of bodies getting dumped in mass graves, burned in mass cremations. Not knowing who the bodies belong to, but not being able to take the time to find out. Bodies washing on shore.
Complete devastation.
I'm having such a hard time not thinking about this, and how can you not think about it.
Literally, no words can express how sad I am for the world right now.
You know, when I was 7 months pregnant with L, Sept 11th happened. I was consumed in it, as were so many other people.
I know you can't even compare...terrorist attacks vs. natural destruction...but, its just so hard to think happy thoughts, BOTH times when all the sadness is happening in the world right now.
No words right now...

New pictures and a poll!

This was me at 35 weeks...


And here I am at 39 weeks! My STRETCH marks are getting stretch marks! ;)


Lets do a poll!
How big do you think baby boy here will be?
I'd love to have as many replies as can be, so even if you don't normally post, go ahead and give a guess! Anonymously if you want! It should be fun! I remember doing this at L's shower and was amazed at some of the guesses and who was right and who was WAAAY off!!
My belly can help you out, AND if this helps, I'll tell you L's birth stats.
He was born at 40w2d.
He was 8lbs, 13oz and 21 1/2 inches.

I'll save my guess for after I get a couple guesses, but I already have one in my head, and I'll post what my husband is guessing too!

So, weight/height/date of birth!
Anyone want to play with me? hee hee!

Ten things not to say to a 39 week pregnant woman during the holidays...

1. (By Father in law)..."well, if you don't have the baby soon, you won't be able to fit through the door any more" (as I was feeling particularly good about myself and my appearance, for the moment anyway!)

2. "Hey! Why didn't you apply to be Santa this year? You could have made a little extra money for the holidays!"

3. "How are you today J?" tired, but good!, "awww! (in a whiny screechy making fun of you voice) "the pregnant woman is tired...awww! She has no idea what it will be like with TWO children" as the laughter begins.

4. As I'm reaching for a 2nd BITE size cookie bar treat dessert thingy, "better be careful! Those pounds add up at the end!"

5. As I'm the only one in the kitchen cleaning up after Christmas dinner and I mumble about how swollen my legs and feet are becoming from WORKING in the kitchen all evening while the rest of the people sit with full bellies, I hear, "well! Thats good! It means you're DOING something, right? Gravity helps bring down the baby! Just work and rock, rock and work and bring that baby down" (don't get me started on what I said in my HEAD as I listened to that assvice)

6. "Well, its pretty disappointing that you couldn't have had that baby while we were here for the weekend. Our luck is you'll go into labor on our drive home, so we'll MISS it all."

7. "Oooh! Did I tell you, my friends daughter had her baby! She BEAT you! She wasn't due for another 3 weeks! Her family is so excited they could celebrate a new baby at Christmas....but....oh well!" (yes, that oh well was in there!)

8. (as I'm putting on my shoes) "I've never actually watched a pregnant woman try to get her shoes on! Its pretty funny!"

9. "WOW! Look at your fingers! Honey! Come here and look at how swollen her fingers are! Mom! Come here! Look! Did YOUR fingers get this swollen when YOU were pregnant? Will they STAY that way?

10. And the WORST thing to say to a 39 week pregnant woman is, "You are carrying this totally different than L! He was all belly! Not this time!" (which, BTW is completely a lie!)

Tis the season, huh?
(I actually had a lovely holiday weekend, as I hope you did as well! I have so much to be thankful for this year and really reveled in L and D this year as it will be our last 3 member Christmas. L was shocked and amazed at his gift from Santa this year. He got a new train set and table. It is the greatest thing seeing such joy come out of his eyes! I feel GREAT today and actually, as 'scrooge'ish as this sounds took down everything 'holiday' in my house today. Including the tree! I just had to get my house back to normal so that I wouldn't have to come home from the hospital and do it! I did SO much and I'm SO happy with it! I'm over 39 weeks now (turned on Saturday) and that officially means that there WILL be a baby in most likely less than 2 weeks. My doctor said that he won't let me go over 41 weeks! That only what? 12 days away. (omg! 12 days sounds WAY less than 2 weeks!)
D's off for the week, and he's getting a lot accomplished in the 3rd level we're finishing! It will ALMOST be done by baby time! He laid the tile in the bathroom, around the fireplace and by the walkout. Tomorrow will grout it, hang the doors and start the trim. The carpet should be coming in a week or so! Then all that is left is a toilet and a sink! Life is good!
Life is really really good...

Just a side note, I wanted to let you know that one of the things I am so thankful for as I think this holiday season about life, is you all. My readers, my posters, my well wishers, and those of you who are truly excited about this baby and when he will come into this world. I know I've told you before how I was a little bummed about not getting a shower (not a gift shower, a baby celebration shower) and haven't received even something as simple as a card as a celebration to this pregnancy that I can put in a box for him, I must say that you all changed that!
Reading your replies and your joy makes me so happy! So, my friends, thank you for being happy for me, for this baby. Those of you who knew me while facing my loss/infertility know how hard it was to get here, emotionally and physically. I appreciate you all very much!
I hope you all enjoyed your holiday, and if you don't celebrate Christmas, I hope you enjoyed your day off!

signing off...

I just wanted to pop on and let you all know that I will be signing off for a few days.
I had thee BEST night of sleep last night, feel GREAT! I'm going to finish my wrapping today, spend the next 3 days with family and enjoy Christmas! I wish there was snow in the forcast (we've had only a dusting...PEOPLE! I live in Wisconsin!)
I'm really looking forward to the next three days! :)
Babe here is still keeping us all guessing with contracting constantly, but since the holidays are here, I've grounded him for 3 days! ;)
unless anything exciting happens, I'll 'see' you after the holidays!
Everyone enjoy! :)

Basketcase...

I've just ruined my rapore (I know I spelled that wrong, but don't have the energy to find the right spelling) with my doctor.
We always had such pleasant appointments. D is able to come more now and they get along great...
Well, I've just ruined it.
After a COMPLETE night of contractions with only 2 hrs of sleep from 11:30-1:30 I was up all night...ALL night! LOOOOW back pain, bloody show, contractions strong enough for me to breath through SOME of them (but some were not bad either).
So, I called the doctor this morning. I was so exhausted, and in the middle of the night while I was all by myself all I could do was cry. SOB. I thought about the connection I have with L and wondered if it would change. I thought about the bond we share and wondered if I could share it with another child. I was a B.A.S.K.E.T.C.A.S.E.
Sobbing, trying hard not to blow my nose TOO hard as to not wake up D or L.
Yes, it was a pretty site as I was writing in L's journal to tell him how I felt at that moment as being a mom to only him.
B.A.S.K.E.T.C.A.S.E. (in case you can't quite picture the image, I had the journal in one hand, the notebook where I was timing the contractions in the other hand as I was swaying and lightly bouncing on a birthball with the oven light on as to not wake up the boys with a stack of used tissues on the table in front of me.)
So, as day started and D got up, he was happy to hear my contractions were every 5 minutes and have been for hours. He called into work, and the L woke up.
I could barely keep my eyes open.
The nurse called me (my friend Jessica who stood me up...she was sick I guess, thought I'd update that) and all I could do was cry to her.
She told me to come in and get checked.
Off we went...me still sobbing knowing that after the whole night of no sleep I wasn't going to be any more dialated than I was yesterday. D on the other hand was so positive.
I knew better...
My blood pressure is USUALLY at like 106/60 ish...really always nice and low.
Today, the nurse (not jessica) looked at me and my red streaky eyes and blotchy face and I swore she thought I was a lunatic.
I immediatly started crying because I thought she thought I was crazy.
She took my blood pressure and it was 118/90! oops!
She was so sweet and gave me a hug as she gave me the sheet to cover up with.
Then, the doctor came in. He was in a hurry, and said I looked a bit flushed.
FLUSHED? bloodshot eyes, obviously had been crying, blotchy skin.
He said, "and the reason you're so upset is because you didn't sleep?"
NO...DOC...the reason I'm so sad is because I've been in labor now for WEEKS and while I'm slowly dialating, I'm exhausted, mentally and physically spent, and I'm so afraid something is going to happen to this baby before its born.
I didn't say that, I just said, "sorry! I'm tired and emotional today"
He did a cervical check...still the same as yesterday, although he DID say he could put TWO fingers in my cervix. I'm confused. Everything I read in the books say each finger is TWO cm...Two FINGERS would be FOUR CM wouldn't it? Unless he has girly hands that I never realized.
Anyway, he gave me an ambien, told me to go home and relax and sleep and hopefully he'd see me later today or tomorrow morning.
I gladly took the pill, D's at his parents with L, and I still can't stop crying.
So, as for now ladies, I will not be delivering this baby today. I will be crashed in my bed as long as I can.
Hopefully I can stop crying.
B.A.S.K.E.T.C.A.S.E.

We interrupt the cave dwelling to announce

that I am officially 2 cm dialated and almost 100% effaced!
Membranes stripped today, and praying really hard for a miracle!
**
another update...
12:35 beginning t:o lose my bloody show...*gulp*
*****
6:43...
Contracting, but nothing regular...totally bearable.
Still having some show...
having massive lower back pain.
Starting to wonder if I'm getting all excited for nothing. (am I really going to go into labor or wake up tomorrow with no contractions?)
Stay tuned...;)

This post (click here) explains a LOT of what I am feeling these days!

I'm sure most of you know Tertia. How could you not! She's amazing...
She's gone through SO much more than I could even fathom going though, and I'm not comparing my life and infertility to hers AT all...but her words today...they just felt like they could have come from me...in a different way.
I'll let you go read her post first...go ahead, I'll wait...
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*
*
OK, and that is the deal! I think that's why I'm feeling so blah these last couple of days. A friend of mine just said to me, "wow! I can't believe you're due in like 10 days (or whatever it is) and do you know what? I can't believe I'm PREGNANT!
Yes, I have been pregnant now for 9 months, but really, I'm still not believing it.
A sick thought is, I'm still not 100% sure that I'm bringing home a baby! Isn't that crazy! I think that's why I can't commit to a name, because that will make it more real.
for a long long time, I was J, the one facing secondary infertility. The one who was told there was an almost NO chance of conceiving on her own. Tests, treatment, medication, depression, living in a fog. It was all my life. I didn't wish it on anyone, but I DID wish more people would understand and not just think my life was perfect because I had a child. And I won't get into the great debate over primary infertility and secondary infertility. I agree...Primary infertility would be MUCH harder to deal with. But there were days, BAAAD days. There were sad days, and of course there were happy days. But many MANY of the days I didn't every believe that I WOULD have another child. I was sad for L, I was so sad for D that I let him down, and I was angry with myself that my BODY let me down.
Then, one day, all of that changed! I became pregnant!
But then, after already having a miscarriage, those of you who have had one know that life isn't just miracously better then. First, even if you ARE pregnant after infertility, you're STILL infertile in your mind. Second, there are no guarantees that the baby will make it...and that is just a fact of life. So you just deal! You are happy, of COURSE you are happy, but guarded.
I think I have never let go of the guard in this pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed SO much of this pregnancy, but I never let myself get SO involved that I knew when the fingernails started growing or when he could open his eyes or how long his arms and legs would be etc...and in my own head, I'm still J, going through secondary infertility. Yes, I may be hours, days or weeks away from having a baby, but I don't have that baby yet.
I'm not sure how to give up that role in my head. And after this baby is born, when my family is the complete family that we've always wanted and planned for, then what? I just go on and pretend that I didn't go through all I did to get to where I am? And again, let me again say, what I went through was NOTHING compared to what many MANY women go through! I 'only' had one early loss....I popped Clomid and provera like they were candy, but was told that IVF was the only way. (high FSH) I never did injection's, and was all signed up for IVF when we found out I was pregnant after trying for 19 months.
If you want to compare stories, I'd be on the way end! I realize that I may sound ungrateful, but trust me, I'm not. I couldn't feel more grateful for what I have. That is a promise, so please don't tell me I'm not grateful.
I guess I just don't know how to move from secondary infertile, to pregnant after infertility, to just a MOM! A mom of two boys!
Its truly amazing how much I know about infertility and treatments and problems that I don't even have, but that I watched (read) others go through and learned with them. I sometimes believe that I know more than my doctor would know!
My knowledge on the subject is more than any other subject I know.
Now, I'm supposed to just forget it and live my life as if nothing happened? Go to playgroups and the park to chit-chat with other moms who most likely have no idea what it is like to go through infertility and pretend I am one of them?
Truth is, I'm not so good at playgroups! I sign up, go to one meeting and drop out. I don't FEEL that connection. I'm sure its my fault, but I just feel different than most moms.
I knew infertility impacted my life, and I figured it always would, but how do you just let go? Let go and go on?
CAN you just let go?
Can' you believe I STILL get jealous of women who say dumb things like, 'we purposely waited an extra month so the baby wouldn't have a birthday in December like your will" or "We tried for 3 months and it was just SO hard to go through that wait."
How can I get jealous of them or angry with them when I AM one of them?
When will these feelings go away? Will it be when this baby is born and I see him and know that I will never be going back to the infertile land? We both know we don't want anymore children nor could we ever go back to the appts/tests/drugs/research stage again.
I know no one has an answer for me, and it will be one that I find on my own some day when I least expect it.
I"m just having a hard time with the fact that this is almost over! I'm almost where I drempt myself 2 1/2 years ago.
Anyway, on another note, I have my 38 week appt today (really 38.2 weeks)
If anything exciting happens, I'll update. Otherwise, as Tertia so perfectly put it, I think I'll be in my cave eating the batch of chocolate chip cookies that L and I baked yesterday! :)

Still here! Still pregnant!

but just oh so tired!
I just have nothing exciting to post about today.
We took L on the hospital tour yesterday so he would have a familiar setting when he came to visit us. It was great! CUTE! A little bit sad too! I delivered L at the same hospital, so to go in a room again for the first time since then tugged at my heart strings.
I started contracting regularly on the way home and within the hour they were every 3 minutes. For HOURS. A bath (and a shower!) did nothing by slow them down to every 5 minutes.
I was sure it was it...but alas, again, it wasn't.
Something different is happening this pregnancy than with L...I'm LOOSING weight! 2 lbs so far! woohoo! Not complaining though! That puts me back down to 28 lbs!
I hate to be so boring, but ladies, life right now is just blah! It's cold as HELL outside...wait, that doesn't make a lick of sense! On Christmas Eve it will be a HIGH of 8 degrees. I HATE that weather, especially when you are SO large you can't zip your coat up anymore.
I'm craving cookies...LOTS of holiday baking, and I didn't bake anything, and my MIL (who lives 5ish blocks away) made 6 batches and is keeping them shut until CHRISTMAS EVE! Does she not realize there is her daughter in law who is 9 months pregnant who NEEDS COOKIES! It is not a want, it is a NEED! ;)
Oh, I no longer have fingers that bend...nope! they've turned into little fat sausages.
Other than that, my brain is fried...mush...maybe I'll have something exciting to say tomorrow?

To my fellow readers...

YAY! I figured out how to post a picture!
Happy Holidays! :)

Attitude must change...

1cm dialated, 25% effaced, very soft.
Big deal after days of contractions, huh?
But the doctor did strip my membranes at the appt, although not so well as my cervix was very high.
So, here is where my mental attitude STOOD, and here is where it STANDS.
I was ready. I wanted to go into labor this week! I was certain that would happen if I wished it enough, and with the contractions, who could blame me, right?
NOW my plan has totally changed.
Now I plan on NOT going into labor this week or next week. At all...(unless the membrane stripping actually worked today)
I will relax and lay around and make sure I don't over exert myself at all these next 2 weeks before Christmas.
I need to do a tiny bit more shopping for Christmas, but ladies, that is it!
I will try to make sure that I take it as easy as possible so that this baby feels comfy and cozy for just 2 more weeks and we don't wind up in the hospital on Christmas. Now, if we DO wind up in the hospital on Christmas, I can't imagine a better gift. Think, the baby born the day that Jesus was born. How amazing is that. Not my CHOICE, but if it is his choice, it will be great.
AFter Christmas, bring it on!
*the doctor talked induction, but informed me their policy is not before 41 weeks unless medically necessary*
So, what I plan on doing from now and then is relaxing, eating LOTS of cookies (oh wait...I'm to lazy to bake them this year! Anyone have any they'd like to share!) and not worrying about that darn scale anymore from here on out!
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Also...yay! we bought the van! We pick it up tonight! I'm the proud new owner of a 2005 Grand Caravan Special Edition blah blah blah.... (whatever the name is)
Its fully loaded! I'm so excited! We are usually NOT the fully loaded type people, but it was a deal we couldn't pass up!

Terms of endearment...

It must be a boy thing.
Think about your husband, your brother, any male relative you know of that has a mother he talks to in front of you.
What does this man call his mother?
If it is anything like MY husband, my BROTHER, or my guy FRIENDS it would HAVE to be...'ma'
'MA'!
I'm not sure where that ever came from! Its not like the DADS are 'DA'!
I asked my mom once a long time ago if it bugged her that J (my brother) called her 'ma' and she told me it didn't bother her one bit. I asked my MIL once a long time ago if it bother HER that D called her 'ma' and she just laughed it off.
I thought to myself, I'd NEVER want to be called 'MA'! How hard is it to add on one last syllable?
MA...Mom...not too much more work, right?
The time has come ladies and gentlemen...I am 'ma'.
At first I thought it was just a day thing, maybe a two day thing that he thought was funny. Like when he calls his daddy, 'dave', it is just funny, cute and the next day it is back to daddy!
Well folks, it isn't going away.
I remember when it went from 'mommy' to' mom', and I was so sad! Then for a couple week period it went to 'MAMA'! Whew! That was the best!! that wasn't too long ago either!
But, then it when back to 'mom'. I can handle 'mom'! I DID think I was going to be 'mommy' for more than 3 yrs though, I'll admit! But, 'mom' was just fine!
NOW though, 'ma'...it just isn't fine! I asked him to call me 'MOMMY' yesterday and he said, "nope! I'll just call you 'ma' for short, OK?"
Well....ok....'ma' it is!
But, don't you have to be over 50 to be a 'ma'? Criminy! I'm not even 30~not even 28 yet!!
But, just in case you are feeling lazy some day and think J is too short, I'm answering by 'ma' now...just to let you know! ;)
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I'm still contracting. I barely got any sleep last night either. My eyes are swollen, I'm physically tired, mentally tired...tired! But I did have the strength to deep clean the bathrooms yesterday and then really go at it with my room (clothes!) and L's room and the nursery. I got the whole house vaccuumed, and the laundry all done and put away. All thats left to really clean is the kitchen. I'll do that tomorrow. I'm really happy with my house at the moment, and would be even MORE happy to come HOME to my house this clean from the hospital! (You hear that baby!) I called the doctor today seeing I've been having contractions since SUNDAY at about 7 or 8pm. His advice...nap as much as possible, take warm baths for comfort, eat and drink as normal and try to rest as much as you can. uh-huh. Yep. Really possible. First DOC, I CAN'T sleep because every time I dose off a contraction wakes me up. Second, why do I want to sleep and rest if the contractions might take off by gravity? Third...EVERY appt this 3 1/2 ft tall little person with wild energy and a never ending conversation comes with me to my appt. Do you forget that? I'm supposed to do what with him while I'm off soaking in a warm tub and napping.
But honestly, as exhausted as I am, mentally I'm doing great.
Yes, I'll be honest. I'd give anything to go into labor this week so the idea of missing christmas with L wasn't hanging over my head. I'm so nervous I will go into labor on Christmas eve and not be able to wake up to Santa coming the next morning. I know we can do it when I come back from the hospital, but still...if I WERE to go into labor by Saturday, it would just be perfect. But I know the baby will come when he wants to. (If he's as pokey as his big brother though, we're in trouble!)
I have my appt tomorrow. I'm praying for some MAJOR cervical changes!
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We might get a new car! I'm so excited! We've been talking about getting a mini-van. haha! 27 yrs old driving a mini van, but I'd totally love one! One with the 'stow and go' seating!
Well, my husband has this deal through his work where he gets a Dodge for 1% (or is it $1.00) under invoice ALONG with the other incentives that are being offered. Right now they have $3000 off AND 0% interest! We're going to look tonight at them to see what the bottom dollar would be. If we don't get it, its totally fine as I love what I drive now. (2003 Hyundai Santa Fe) but a minivan would be so nice to have! especially with all the guy things we'll be doing with our 2 boys! We've already planned some summer camping/boating trips for next summer!

Did I talk your ear off enough today! Yikes!
Doctors appt update tomorrow!

And here I sit...

well, not SIT really, just for this post...
I started getting contractions right before bed last night, but went to bed around 10pm. I was never in a deep sleep because I kept getting contractions. Ones I could feel in my back.
I was up a few times to use the bathroom, and they would still come.
I was up at 11:30, 1:30, 3:30, L woke up at 4:30 to use the bathroom and finally I got out of bed at 5:00am. Not once do I think I fully fell asleep.
I was still contracting at 5:00am, and was so hungry.
I just ate some toast, and guess what? The contractions are slowing down.
How frustrating to know that I got NO sleep last night, D's alarm is going to go off in about 10 minutes and we'll start our day and D will go to work. L will be well rested, and I'll be ready to go to bed.
This last month can be so frustrating! Am I in labor? I'm guessing not! Don't you wish there was a sure sign so that you know?
Ugh!

Stood up...

yep! I'm a loser tonight, thats for sure.
Planned a dinner date with one of my oldest girlfriends for this evening. The same girlfriend that is actually my nurse. She was going to call on Wed or Thursday to finalize plans. When she hadn't called by this afternoon, I called and left her a voice mail.
No call...nothing...nada...stood up!
That sure makes you feel special, I'm sure you'd agree huh?
But, its actually OK!
D and Lo planned on eating over at his mom's anyway, so I'm home alone.
I went to the scrap store to pick up a few things, and picked myself up a yummy sub and actually ate in the peace and quiet of my house.
But that gets me thinking. I have never ever in my life stood anyone up. Never would even cross my mind to do something like that!
Yet, its happened to me on a few occasions and not by mere aquaintances, but actual FRIENDS.
I'm not sure what goes through your head when you are going to stand someone up.
Do you realize ahead of time and just can't find the words to call and say, "I can't go/come/etcc.." So basically you'd rather the person get ready, get excited about going where ever you were going to go and then just wait?
I've just never understood that.
So, on Wednesday at my appt I get to pretend that nothing happened. I'm not one to say anything, so nothing will be said.
The thing IS people...don't tempt a pregnant woman a night out, husband-less, child-less to enjoy good food and conversation and then take it away from her!
I'm a bit bitter, even though you should hear how wonderful my silence sounds in my house right now!!
On the baby news, Mr. man is a moving and a shaking!
My doctor (have I said how much I love him as my doctor) called me today. Yes, the DOCTOR called to just re tell me the u/s showed the baby was head down. he said the the weight on the u/s could be plus or minus a pound in either direction. At 7lbs 4oz estimated, I'll go for the pound LESS! haha! He then just wanted to inform me that he is 'signing out' for the weekend to go away with his wife and two young children. (I'd guess he's 31 or 32 yrs old) and if I were to go into labor he'd have a co-worker step in. He told me they were residents together and he was really a good doctor. He said, "I don't want you to think I'm abandoning you or anything if something happened. But, if at all possible, I'd rather you wait until Monday if you feel the need to go into labor early!" He's a riot! I seriously feel so blessed to have him as my doctor!
I don't know any doctor that would take the time to call someone who most likely will not be going into labor just to inform her that he wouldn't be around, but that he cared!
And to think, I didn't want to have him as my doc because of his age. I just felt how could he be experienced enough, AND who wants a person who is just a couple years older than you doing pelvic exams and cervix checks right! He's great!
Well ladies, I'm off to do a little vegging before L and D get back. Honestly, despite my bitterness towards my friend I really am in the mood for just some relaxing tonight.
I've got my favorite sweats on (because nothing else fits!) and a nice big couch calling my name!
Have a wonderful weekend!! :)

Back from the big ultrasound...

And let me tell you, last night was interesting.
I think the baby KNEW he was in the wrong position! We (dave and I) both talked to him and asked him to flip..haha! Geeks, aren't we?
About 8:30 or so I looked as though I had aliens trying to come out of my belly!
This boy was trying SO hard to get comfy! He was moving harder than I have ever felt or seen.
I went to bed around 10:30 and he was still a moving!
Well, today at the u/s we found out he is HEAD DOWN!
you have NO idea how relieved I am! :)
They did a fetal weight estimate too, and yes...I know they can be really off at this point, but I was so glad she did one. I think they are fun! And it gives you an image in your head about what size your baby is.
We kindof sweet talked her into doing it, as it wasn't on the orders, but this baby is already measuring in at an 'estimated' 7lbs 4oz! With still 3 1/2 weeks to go! Yozers!
I think, if I DO go to term I'll be looking at a 10 lb-er!
And only being 5'3" and 130pre-preg...you can only imagine the stretch marks i have so far! :)
But, pushing Logan, who was 8lbs 13oz, for 4 1/2 hrs kindof scares me to think what it would be like to push out a 10 lb-er! Although, being my 2nd, I'm stretched out now, so it should be easier!
So, any time now little man, any time! :):)
Thanks for the good thoughts yesterday!

Doctors appt update...

The appt did not really go as I planned.
Luckily I did not have Logan with me, as he was with his Grandma. When he comes (which he always does) its more rushed, trying to talk over him...etc...so I was happy to have some alone time with the doctor. Turns out I needed it.
Babies heartrate still in the 140's.
It appears the contractions that I had on Monday night were indeed doing something. My cervix last week was LONG and hard, and this week is extremely soft and "very favorable for labor"....yay! Little man is estimated at being over 6 lbs! big boy! :)
What seems like a normal appt started off a bit different. First, we talked about the pelvic pain I am having, and it appears that what I am experiencing is symphysis pubis seperation. My pubic bones, the ligaments inside are seperating and causing the bones to rub against each other. I had testbook complaints, and there isn't really anything I can do except deliver this baby. So, we wait and try to remain comfortable.
Then, when the started to feel my abdomen to get a placement, he took a really long time. He usually find the head still floating and has no problems, so I got a little nervous. It appears that the baby has flipped. He is breech. In order to find the heartbeat (which took FOREVER and scared the CRAP out of me) he had to put the thingy WAY up high, WAY past my belly button. Then, he did the cervical check, and couldn't feel anything even resembling a head...*ouch*
So, I go in for an u/s tomorrow to verify and to go through the criteria needed to see if I qualify for an external cephelic version..
http://www.aafp.org/afp/980901ap/coco.html (this tells about it)

It makes me a bit nervous, and truth be told, I'm scared to attempt it.
My doctor will not be preforming it, as he is actually a G.P. and doesn't do surgery (there is a chance of needing an emergency c-section).
If I were to go into labor between now and the version, I'll have to have a c-section.
If the version is unsuccessful, I'll have to have a c-sect.
Again, my doctor will not be the doctor doing the surgery, but I was shocked and wonderfully happy when he said that he would scrub in and be in the room with me. What doctor would do that! Not the one that delievered Logan, thats for sure! I feel so comfortably safe with him.

So, thats where we sit. We wait until tomorrow for the u/s, and if we choose to do the version, we will do it in the beginning of next week.

I won't lie, I'm sad. I literally LOVE labor and delivery. I can wait to go through it again. The waiting, the 'is this it'. I don't want to choose my babies birthday. I want him to.
I want to push him out.
I want to do it myself.
The thought of a planned c-sect makes me very sad! :(
I'll let you know what the u/s reveals tomorrow.

My list is dwindling down...

So, there is a list of things I have in my head that I wanted to get done with Logan or for Logan before the baby comes. It is a list that continues to grow, even though things are getting crossed off along the way.
I think I'm doing pretty good though!

Logan's 3 yr pictures....check!
Family pictures to remember the family as a 3 member family....check!
Let Logan pick out a present for the new baby....check! (An airplane pacifier...awww!)
Get all caught up in Logan's baby book and journal....check!
We've been waiting and waiting for the first snow fall of the year so we can start our new tradition of making cookies on the first snow fall. I plan to do this every year, but alas, there has been no snow. I decided that we would do our first snow fall cookies TODAY even without the snow because of what you'll read later in the post....so,
first snow fall cookies.....check!
Go through all his clothes in his closet and pack the ones that don't fit...check!
Go through all his TOYS and get rid of the junk!...check!
Take him to his first movie...check! Polar express! :)
Do all the Christmas decorations with him...check!

Things I have yet to do that I want to that I'm sure might not get done...
Get caught up in his scrapbook....yeah right!
Start and finish his christmas shopping....I *REALLY* need to do this!
I'm sure there are more! I'm just drawing a blank.

Of course get all the one on one time I can with him before it is more difficult to have one on one time.

You see, we realized last night that we might not have much time left in this pregnancy (and of course, we might have 5 1/2 weeks!)
I started contracting last night around 5pm...every 10ish minutes, down to every 7ish minutes, down to every 5ish minutes. At 7:49(I started writing them down at that time) they were coming like clockwork every 3 minutes lasting between 55 and 70 seconds. They were bearable, but definetly stronger than any of the previous times I started contracting. EVERY three minutes. I stopped keeping track at about 8:50 and told Dave to call his mom to be on standby, and went to take a bath.
Well folks, the bath slowed them down to every 7ish minutes, then 10ish and then they completely fizzled out. You gotta wonder, if I would have went in would they have stopped? Did I dialate any? I was pretty bummed! Not that I am ready mind you, but when they are coming one on top of another, you make yourself ready!
Its really funny too because yesterday morning was the morning I decided to start the hospital bag! I packed the baby stuff, Daves stuff, and as much of my stuff as I could. Then, to have all those contractions come! It was it! Or so we thought!
So, I went to bed hoping to be woken up in the middle of the night with contractions, and while I WAS woken up in the middle of the night, it was only for one of my nightly bathroom runs.
I have had a few contractions today. Well, at least 2-4 an hour, but not nearly as painful as they were last night.
I have my weekly appt tomorrow.
(oooh! contraction as I type)
Another issue I'm having is I feel as though my pelvic bones are splitting right down the middle. Its hard to explain, but I can barely stand on one foot without excruciating pain. Getting dressed hurts like hell, and I have to be sitting down. Getting out of the shower is almost impossible. Because of this pain I called my doctor yesterday morning and he put me on 'bedrest' until Wednesdays appt. Lets just say that isn't happening! I'm over 36 weeks first of all! i'm not bed resting! I'll take it easy, yes, but no way am I bed resting! Plus its just not possible! We HAD to make cookies today! just in case! (Actually, they are just snowmen shaped rice crispy treats that we decorated like snowmen) and I had to go to walmart to get a few things that I still needed for the baby!
I will be hanging out with my parents this afternoon, so I'll be able to take it easy then.
I'm debating wanting and internal tomorrow or not. It could go either way! I could be a bit dialated and be excited, or not have changed at all and be a little sad!
We'll see what the good old doc has to say!
Anyway, I know this was just a ramble post, sorry for the boring post!
I'll post an update after my appt!
I also get my strep b results tomorrow! I hope they are negative!

36 weeks...

and boy...do I FEEL 36 weeks! (Kether...36!)
I am no longer on niphedapine for contractions, and the doctor said whenever I go into labor he will not stop it. I'm still sure I will be 40+ weeks, but hey...we'll play along with the doc, right?
I've actually been having on and off contractions since last night. Nothing regular, but they haven't stopped either.
I'm sure they are just B.H.'s, but still its at that point where you think, 'could this be it?'
Trust me, its not 'it' yet!
Last weeks appt I had my strep B test, so I'll find out the results of that at Wednesdays appt.
As a spur of the moment decision, my MIL offered to keep Logan over night for us last night, so we could celebrate a test that Dave passed. (He's getting Cisco certified)
So WE had a night to ourselves! I literally can not remember the last night we had alone! Oh, wait...I can! September for our anniversary, but STILL it seems like such a long time ago!
We dropped him off around 5:30 and went out to dinner. Went to a yummy southwestern place and ate waay too much food! I did skip the yummy pumpkin praeline cheesecake though! I was proud of myself for that. (Secretly sad about it too! haha)
We they went to Borders AND Barns and Nobles to look for Daves next study book. While at Barns and Nobles, we decided to get some hot chocolate and sit and read some books and magazines. It was something that we would have done in our previous non parent lives, and it was so relaxing and fun! I looked at 2 GREAT scrapbooking magazines, and of course my geek of a husband (winking here) got this huge ass book called, "History of the World"...reeallly exciting!! He wound up buying the Divinci Code. Anyone read it? I think I'll probably read it first as he is busy with his study books first.
They, as Dave was almost falling asleep at 8:30 (could have been the book selection, no?) we decided to go rent a movie. I was EXTREMELY swollen, or we would have gone to the theater. I wanted to be able to put my feet up and be comfy, so we just rented. We got Mystic River. It was pretty good. I really like Sean Pean though. (did I spell that right?)
We were up until MIDNIGHT! I haven't seen midnight in months and months and months!
We got to sleep in until 8am and have long showers and breakfast before picking up Logan. It was a great night, and I really felt ready to tackle the world today! UNTIL...
I had a horrible headache, my feet/ankles/hands/face was all totally swollen. I felt like I was going to get sick. It was awful! I was able to lay in bed from about 12:30-almost 6:00pm with a bath in between. My blood pressure was fine, so I wasn't too worried, just annoyed.
I'm feeling much better now.
But being 36 weeks, you think anything could be the beginning of something! Part of me wants to remain pregnant for another 4-6 weeks just because I KNOW I'll never EVER be pregnant again. Thats sad!
But then another part of me wants to meet this baby SO bad I can hardly stand it! I want to look in his eyes and touch his cheek. I want to labor! Those of you who are going to be in labor for the first time...you have no idea what an impacting life changing event you are about to endure! Yes, parts of it SUCK! I know! I was in labor for 27 1/2 hrs and pushed for 4 1/2. I got 3rd degree tears, but after all of it, I can't WAIT to know its really time! I can't wait to witness my body doing what it should be (epidural in of course!) and to be able to push this little (or big) boy out! I can't WAIT!
Plus, I'll be honest...Its hard being this pregnant. I hurt. I ache. I can't sleep at night, my tailbone pops every time I roll over. My pelvic bones feel like they are literally seperating. I can't move very well. And darnit! I'm down to 2 pair of pants and two shirts that actually fit!
THEN, I really need the basement to be finished before he decides to come, and we're only at the trim getting delievered this week and HOPEFULLY carpet then next week. Still have a ways to go there.
But really, I don't know what I want more! To savor these last weeks of pregnancy, or to give this baby his eviction notice! Good thing he gets to make that decision, huh?
So, thats where I sit. 36 weeks pregnant. Anxious, in love with someone I've never laid my eyes on before, ready to be a mommy again!
Time will tell what and when something happens, right?

New additions to my blogroll

First, I want to say that it is an honor when someone puts me on their blogroll. When I stumble upon a blog and see my blog listed amongst other women who are so talented, well...it just makes me so happy!
For those of you who have me on your blogrolls, thank you! Each new visitor I get to my site, a new person reading what I write, it makes me feel so good.
My real dream in life is to write, and when I see that people are reading what I am writing, and I'm sure not everyone likes what they see, but even the chance to write to them is an honor.
So, I'm babbling, but you get the picture.
I'm thanking you...YOU...for coming to my blog, and reading what I write. Thank you.
If you have me on your blogroll, I'm thanking you again.
I've added a couple blogs that I can't wait to get to read and know better.
If you would like to be added to my blogroll, I'd love to put you on.
Just let me know via response here, or email me at jadkins77@yahoo.com